They said it couldn’t be done…Wrong…Wrong!

Welcome back, y’all! Week Thirteen of the fantasy football season is over and depending on which fantasy company you use you are in your final week or the first week of the playoffs. This article will be completely free of that news story that has dominated the airwaves, newsprint, and blogs for the last two weeks. So what’s up in the world of football? Jonathan Babineaux was arrested with the marijuana. Mike Vrabel told Josh “Little Hoodie” McDaniels and the Broncos that they were #1. Chad Ochocinco was fined $30,000a ponco and sombrero on the sidelines after a TD. Shawne Merriman sued Tila Tequila for copyright infringement (could I sue her for causing involuntary bouts of dry heaves brought about by her mere appearance? I'm just saying...). My favorite Tony Gonzalez took a child to school this week and proclaimed his undying optimism to the AJC. I love Tony...He could find a positive in a trainwreck. Flozell Adams added $50,000 to his NFL Fine tab which is now at $75,000. Brett Favre and the Vikings went into the desert and came out losers. A guy just as old as Brett, Kurt Warner took it to Brett and reminded everybody that even though they lost, they did go to the Super Bowl last year...Hey, Larry Fitzgerald...I see ya...The New Orleans Saints left Washington wondering what happen as they stole the game from the Redskins in overtime to remain undefeated. The Colts brought the Titans win streak to an end, which is fitting considering it began after Jeff Fisher donned a Peyton Manning jersey. Matt Ryan is dealing with turf toe, Michael Turner is dealing with an ankle, and Tony Gonzalez is living in denial as the Falcons were handed a spanking by the Philadelphia Eagles. Pittsburgh lost to Oakland and Cleveland in the span of four days (not to mention losing to my Chiefs *kicking while down*). JaMarcus "I too am in denial" Russel can't figure out why he is on the bench while Bruce Gradkowski is showing glimpses of Ken Stabler for the Raiders. Kansas City just let Denver score another touchdown. Dallas and New England both lost to division rivals and still received more press than the Colts and Saints who are undefeated and the Chargers who are on a seven game win streak. Oddly enough, Philip Rivers has done more in the playoffs and performed better in December than Tony Romo, but you wouldn't know that if you watch the mainstream press. Now to my the debacle that has been my fantasy season...

Fantasy football is a lot like the real NFL on any given Sunday anybody can win. Last week I went 1-1-2...Two Ties...Smh...I just don't know...

The Merry Mad Men (8-5) v. New Jersey Girls
My Merry Mad Men took on The Last Cowboy of the Hell Raisers League. I played the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Ricky Williams, WR-Donald Driver, Santonio Holmes, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.
My MadMen was the only team that had an out and out victory last year. They go into the final game of the season 8-5. Santonio Holmes had a big game in the Steeler lost against the Raiders. LaDainian had great game, but my Player of the Week was Kurt Warner, who even with a bad hip, beat old man Brett Favre limping off the field with 29 points. The Merry Madmen edged New Jersey Girl with a 106-105 victory.

Hecate’s HellHounds (5-8) v. Satans Children
Even with Drew Brees this team could not get out of its own way. Last week was no different as we limp to the finish line with another loss. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and Ricky Williams, WRs-Nate Burleson, Santonio Holmes, Donald Driver, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Olindo Mare, DST-San Diego Chargers. My Player of the Week was, of course, Drew Brees with 26 points. Satans Children kicked the HellHounds 100-90...

The Crazy 88’s (6-6-1) v. Green Machine
Oddly enough the 88's ended last week in a tie with Donovan McNabb at the helm. I've seen my future with the 88's, and it's about as bright as Charlie Weis' career with Notre Dame. I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Julius Jones and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Reggie Wayne, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. Donovan McNabb was my Player of the Week with 16 points. Blah-blah-blah, They tied Green Machine 71-71.

Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez (6-7) v. Kiss the Baby
Team Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez has had an up and down year. The team had a name change after losing Anthony Gonzalez. We have not had a reliable quarter back, and we were never above .500. But, GMG has done something that no NFL team has ever done. We won our division and are going to the playoffs (we will lose in the 1st round). I don't know how we did it, but we did...LOL... I lined-up with: QB-Mark “I’m only a rookie” Sanchez, RB-LDT, and Cedric Benson, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh, Mike Wallace, and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. LaDainian Tomlinson was my Player of the Week with 14 points. Wish us luck as the Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez tied Kiss the Baby 79-79 on their way to their first playoff game.

Well, that’s all I’ve got guys. This week is the final week of the fantasy football season for three of my teams. Playoffs begin next week. Good Luck to you guys during week 14. Until next week, kids… I’d like to leave you with this from Coach Herman Edward, "I know one thing - after the cloud leaves, there's a rainbow. When that comes, I don't know." Have a good fantasy week, y’all…

OMG, I’m SMH @ WTH is going on w/my FF teams. IMO it MNDS.

Wake up, everybody! Welcome Back, Ladies and Gents. It took me a couple days to recover from my turkey coma, but it was worth it. We are in the home stretch of the fantasy football season, but I feel like my team is caught up in a rundown between third and home. Depending on your league, you have two weeks to wrap up playoff spots or prepare for next year. I have a feeling two or more of my teams will be cleaning out their lockers. While the NFL Playoff season doesn’t begin until January, fantasy players only have one-two weeks to get their affairs in order. So what’s up in the NFL world? My Kansas City Chiefs, MY KANSAS CITY CHIEFS, beat the Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers in overtime. My mouth is still agape-a two game winning streak and the end of a 10 game losing streak at Arrowhead. “Little Hoodie” Josh McDaniel told the San Diego Chargers “We own you.” before the Chargers spanked the Broncos 32-3. Best line from the “controversy,” my boy Shawne Merriman’s reply to the press, “It was cute.” That’s okay, Joshie, you took out your revenge and your big boy language (dropped an MF during the nationally televised game) and spanked Eli and the Giants on Thanksgiving night. The Cowboys had only scored 14 total points in their last two games including one of the ugliest 7-6 wins over the Washington Redskins. The offense of the Cowboys found their way to in-zone as they dropped the Raiders on Thanksgiving day. JaMarcus “It ain’t my fault” Russell was benched for Bruce Gradkowski. Sigh, they won one surprising the AFC North leading Cincinnati Bengals, then they lost on Thanksgiving, which is appropriate after all the Raiders are a bunch of Turkeys. (I am working on my hate, but I’m a work in progress.) Vince Young has the Tennessee Titans on a winning track. Big Ben Roethlisberger went down with a concussion during the Chiefs game, and his back up Charlie Batch broke his wrist (lost probably for the rest of the regular season). Jay Cutler spent his Sunday night destroying my hopes to go to the playoffs as the Bears fell to the Eagles. The Patriots avenged their earlier loss as Rex Ryan whined about being disrespected as the Jets fell 31-14. Kurt Warner is dealing with a head/neck injury; the stinker game of the week Lions/Browns turned out to be a really good game with young Matthew Stafford gutting out a shoulder injury to throw a last minute touchdown to defeat the Browns. and Peyton, Drew and Favre all *gasp, shock, awe* won again. These three QB’s are fighting for MVP. Personally, I’m rooting for Brees.

This week my Chiefs take on the San Diego Chargers who are celebrating their 50^th Anniversary. Congrats to my Fantasy Players-LaDainian Tomlinson, Shawne Merriman, Kassim Osgood, Quentin Jammer, and Darren Sproles who made the 50^th Anniversary team. Philip Rivers, Antonio Gates, and Jamal Williams are among the current players who made the team. Now, the Chiefs are my team, and I love them, but I have gone on record about my unhealthy love for most things Shawne Merriman. Now, Merriman has 6 sacks in 7 games against the Chiefs. Sack, but don’t kill Matt Cassel, Shawne. Please don’t hurt him. We owe him too much money.

This past week my fantasy teams went 2-2. I…I…Here is the evidence of my tragic week.

The Merry Mad Men (7-4) v. Murder

My Merry Mad Men took on Murder of the Hell Raisers League. I “took the field” with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Ricky Williams, WR-Donald Driver, Mike Wallace, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.

My MadMen are back to their winning ways and hangin. LDT and the Chargers D showed the Broncos who owned whom pulling in 13 and 19 points respectively. The “old guys” Kurt Warner (18 points) and Tony Gonzalez (14 points) both had really good games as well. My receivers however were all in single digits. Even the kicker Nate Kaeding (14 points) had a better day than they did. It was Ricky Williams, however, who was my Player of the Week again running away with 30 points against the Carolina Panthers. The MadMen arrested Murder with a 122-107 victory.

Hecate’s HellHounds (4-7) v. Nostradamus

Well the HellHounds will be cleaning out their lockers this week. The Playoffs are history for this team. Playoff hopes are just about gone. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and Ricky Williams, WRs-Deverey Henderson, Mike Wallace, Donald Driver, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Olindo Mare, DST-San Diego Chargers. If there is such thing as player of the week for this team, it would be Ricky Williams with his 30 points. Nostradamus predicted that my Hellpups would lose 116-120. FYI: If I had started Nate Burleson, I would have won. Talk about Hindsight. BTW, I hate you Nate Burleson.

The Crazy 88’s (6-5) v. Greenfield Assassins

The 88’s are tied for last place in our division. SMH… I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Julius Jones and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Reggie Wayne, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. Donovan McNabb and the San Diego Chargers D/ST were my players of the week each fielding a 19 point performance. The Crazy 88’s, however, could not make it two in a row losing 85-91.

Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez (5-6) v. Team Bill Clinton

I don’t know how this team is tied for first in their division. I just don’t know. I’m happy, though. I lined-up with: QB-Jay “I hate myself for drafting you” Cutler, RB-LDT, and Mike Bell, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh, Mike Wallace, and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. My player of the week was Mike Bell with 19 points. Bill Clinton couldn’t explain why his team fell to Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez 98-86.

Well, that’s all I’ve got guys. Until next week, kids… I’d like to leave you with nugget of knowledge from “Sir” Charles Barkley, “Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train.” Have a good fantasy week, y’all…

It’s the Twilight of the Fantasy Season. Who do you chose: Team Peyton or Team Drew?

Welcome Back, Ladies and Gents. It’s crunch time in the fantasy world. While the NFL Playoff season doesn’t begin until January, fantasy players only have three weeks to get their affairs in order. So what’s up in the NFL world? Rex Ryan cried in front of his football team. The guru Bill Belichick is being crucified (I laugh only because I don’t like him) for his fourth and two play against Peyton Manning and the Colts, who *gasp* won again. Kyle Orton is hurt, Michael Turner is hurt, Troy Polomalu is hurt; so is Albert Haynesworth, Brian Westbrook, Cedric Benson, and Jerious Norwood. There are some Fantasy owners doing a Nancy Kerrigan “Why?” cry right about now. Include me in that list. Former Chief Larry Johnson became a Cincinnati Bengal. Dick Jauron was *gasp* fired (can’t say I was shocked or cared). Speaking of the Bills, Titans owner’s Bud Adams was fined $250,000 for repeatedly reminding the Bills fans that his last place Titans were Number One. The Ravens beat the Browns on a Monday Night Football game that only Ravens and Browns fans watched. I assumed they won. I didn’t watch the game; if I wanted to watch paint dry, I would actually, well paint. The Broncos lost Kyle Orton, then their dignity as they lost to the Washington Redskins. My Chiefs finally won game number two (then, Dwayne Bowe was suspended for 4 games for diuretics), but my game of the week was Dallas at Green Bay. Now, I don’t like either of these teams, and I was terribly upset that I was all but forced to watch it. It was so amusing watching America’s Team lose to a team that was beaten the week before by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I’m a hater…I admit… Oh, yeah, Peyton, Drew, and Favre won. I know, I, too, was shocked by that news.

Then, surprise, surprise. Ms. Alcoholic Beverage filed a lawsuit against Shawne Merriman, had a Britney meltdown and then accused him of practically every crime she and her brain (I assume) could imagine, including questioning black people for supporting him because he doesn’t date black girls. Excuse me, I don’t care who or what he dates for that matter and long as he performs on the field. It’s not like I’ll ever date him. We support him because your account sounds like a bad episode of some CW drama. Hey, Mr. Rock, come get your girl. She was due to crawl back under you about two years ago. I am so sick of these “women.” Seriously, I understand that there have been girls who have been assaulted by athletes. I am heartedly sympathetic to these girls. It is girls like her (and I refuse to use that sham of a name) who make it difficult for the real victims to come forward. I’m not completely taking Merriman off the hook, after all, he did take her home, but I truly hope he takes a play from Big Ben and countersues. Gentlemen, do us all stop put a C and an L before it. Remember, Class before…well you fill in the blank.

The week before my fantasy teams went 4-0. This past week: 1-3. To quote the quote master, Jim Mora, himself, "You just never know. You think you know, but you don't. And you never will." This has been an up and down year with more downs than ups. Here’s the whole mess…

The Merry Mad Men (6-4) v. bucs

My Merry Mad Men took on The Rebels of the Hell Raisers League. I came to play with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Ricky Williams, WR-Donald Driver, Mike Wallace, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.

Good news: my MadMen are still number one in the division. Bad news: 4 losses, Yikes! LDT finally showed some fire and turned in a 21 point performance. Congratulations to the Tomlinsons who are expecting their first baby. God Bless! Kurt Warner was once again my Player of the Week again pulling in 25 points by himself, but the MadMen went down swinging losing to the bucs 111-105.

Hecate’s HellHounds (4-6) v. Den Destroyers

The HellHounds are dropping faster than Lamar Odom’s IQ. Playoff hopes are just about gone. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and Ricky Williams, WRs-Deverey Henderson, Mike Wallace, Donald Driver, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Olindo Mare, DST-San Diego Chargers. Drew was my player of the week with 16 points. Drew, really? Help a sister out! My Hell pups survived the hurricane 92-52.

The Crazy 88’s (6-4) v. G Dogs

The 88’s are tied for last place in our division. SMH… I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Julius Jones and Fred Jackson, WRs-Donald Driver, Reggie Wayne, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. Donovan McNabb and the Eagles lost to the San Diego Chargers, but his 28 points made him my Player of the Week. The Crazy 88’s was my only winner of the week beating the G Dogs 97-43.

Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez (4-6) v. The Beast Unleashed

Whatever…I’ve practically had it with this team. I lined-up with: QB-Jay “I hate myself for drafting you” Cutler, RB-LDT, and Cedric Benson, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh, Mike Wallace, and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. My player of the week was LDT. The Beast Unleashed opened up a can of whoop a** on Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez 105-79. That’s all I’ve got to say about that.

Well, that’s all I’ve got guys. Until next week, kids… I end with Jim Mora’s most famous rant, "Playoffs?! Don't talk about playoffs! Are you kidding me? Playoffs? I'm just hoping we can win another game!" Have a good fantasy week, y’all…

Thanks for the Block, October...or Why a Semi-nude Tony Gonzalez will not get me a PETA Card...

Welcome Back, Ladies and Gents. If you are a follower of this blog, by now you know that I absolutely crazy about NFL football. One of the great things about the NFL is that while you do have your powerhouse teams, you never know what’s going to happen from week to week. For example, who would have thought that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (in their creamsicle uniforms no less) and young Josh Freeman would have thumped the Green Bay Packers [Congratulations, @ShirleyHuangEsq!]. The Cincinnati Bengals swept the Baltimore Ravens this year and could possibly sweep the Pittsburgh Steelers this week. The Saints are still undefeated and could possibly have the offensive (Drew Brees) and defensive (Darren Sharper) MVPs. Probably the one constant in the NFL is that Peyton Manning is still Peyton Manning, and the Colts are still undefeated.
Early this season, I revealed my picks for the NFL season. Now, that we are at mid-season, let’s see how my choices are fairing. *Cue the Flashback music* Do-do-do-do-do, Do-do-do-do-do (Diana Dishes, has a non-existent budget. We can’t actually afford music. We call this using our “I-ma-gi-na-tion,” okay…). Here were my “predictions:”
AFC East: 1-New England Patriots, 2-Miami Dolphins, 3-New York Jets, 4-Buffalo Bills AFC South: 1-Indianapolis Colts, 2-Jacksonville Jaguars, 3-Tennessee Titans, 4-Houston Texans AFC North: 1-Pittsburgh Steelers, 2-Baltimore Ravens, 3-Cincinnati Bengals, 4-Cleveland Browns AFC West: 1-San Diego Chargers, 2-Kansas City Chiefs, 3-Denver Broncos, 4-Oakland Raiders Wildcards: Baltimore, Jacksonville AFC Championship Game: San Diego v. New England AFC Champs-San Diego
NFC East: 1-New York Giants, 2-Philadelphia Eagles, 3-Dallas Cowboys, 4-Washington Redskins NFC South: 1-New Orleans Saints, 2-Atlanta Falcons, 3-Carolina Panthers , 4-Tampa Bay Buccaneers NFC North: 1-Minnesota Vikings, 2-Green Bay Packers, 3-Chicago Bears, 4-Detroit Lions NFC West: 1-Arizona Cardinals, 2-Seattle Seahawks, 3-San Francisco 49ers, 4-St. Louis Rams Wildcards: Philadelphia Eagles, Atlanta Falcons NFC Championship Game: New York v. Minnesota NFC Champs-New York Giants Super Bowl XLIV-New York Giants v. San Diego Chargers Super Bowl Champions-San Diego Chargers
In the AFC East, of course, Tom Brady and the Pats are number one, but I thought Miami would at least maintain. Wrong. Jets are at second with 4-4 record, while the Dolphins are 3-5. Why did I think the Dolphins had a better record? Only three games? I thought they had won more. Huh, I really need to stay on top of that. Oh well, at least, I was right about the Bills.
In the AFC South, of course, Peyton Manning and the Colts are number one and undefeated, but what is going on in the AFC South? The Texans, yes, those Texans, are number 2, while the Titans (who had the best record last year) are in last place with a 2-6 record. Huh? Wh-Wh-What? Jacksonville continues to fool everybody, because they can’t make up they want to win or lose with their 4-4 record.
The AFC North has had the biggest surprise. I swear, I did not see the Bengals at number 2, much less #1. Who would have thunk it? Currently, they are tied at number 1 with the Steelers. Baltimore is third with a 4-4 record, while the Cleveland Browns continue to flounder in the basement playing “Who’s our quarterback this week?” Mangenius, anyone else find that as funny as me? Oh, yeah, Romeo Crennel. I still stand by the Steelers.
The AFC West continues to struggle finding its identity in the league. I picked and continue to stand behind San Diego. While the Denver Broncos (shockingly) continue to hold the #1 spot in the West, I don’t see it lasting (I never drink the Kool-Aid when it comes to the Broncos). San Diego is starting to recover from those early injuries. Did y’all see Shawne Merriman taking it to Eli last week (sorry, @vthrilla and @sportychic56)? I think the Chargers will be back at the top before the year is out. The Chiefs and Raiders are, well, who we thought they were-pitiful. A moment of silence for my Chiefs…Thank you.
The NFC East is topsy-turvy as always. Cowboys are currently number one, while the Giants continue their skid to number 3. The Eagles are #2, but they are inconsistent at best (I mean, really, losing to the Raiders?). I don’t even want to talk about the Redskins.
So far, I am perfect in the NFC South. I thought the Saints would storm back, but undefeated, I didn’t see that, after all, it’s the Saints. Even with the addition of Tony “I’d rather be naked” Gonzalez, I believed that the Falcons would slip a little this year. I didn’t think Carolina and Tampa would slip so far down this year.
Surprisingly, I’m perfect in The NFC North, as well. The NFC North is once again ruled over by Lord Favre, the only difference, he’s wearing purple instead of green. He laid the smack down twice (laughing all the way) on Green Bay, who has become, well, confusing (SMH, losing to Tampa?). Lovie, what is going on in Chicago? Oh, yeah, Jay Cutler brought his little boy act to Chi-town. I only hope it doesn’t cost Lovie his job. Then, Detroit…yeh. Moving on.
The Arizona Cardinals are still in charge of the AFC West behind the duo of Larry Fitzgerald and Kurt “Father Time” Warner. San Fran is currently at #2, although they don’t really know what to do with they are doing at quarterback. Seattle, SMH, was it really all that long ago that they ruled this division. St. Louis, there are no words. (I think the people of Missouri should petition for a real NFL team or maybe combine the Chiefs and Rams to make one mediocre team).
My Wildcards, I don’t see Jacksonville to make it. Baltimore might not either. Denver and Cincy are going to be tough outs. I still stand by San Diego and New England in the Championship (watch Peyton prove me wrong). I’m still putting San Diego in the Super Bowl, until they prove otherwise.
My NFC Wildcards, well, I think it will be Philly and Atlanta. I can see New Orleans and Minnesota in the NFC Championship game. I don’t see New York, unfortunately, making the playoffs. I also see Favre breaking down before the end. Maybe New Orleans will finally see a Super Bowl…
I’m standing by the Chargers winning it all. Yeah, I said it. We will see when the final whistle blows in February.
Last week, My fantasy teams went 4-0!!! 4-0!! I don’t know how it happened. I don’t think it will happen again, but I am sure celebrating. Here’s how it all went down…

The Merry Mad Men (6-3) v. Eaglescrazy
My Merry Mad Men took on The Rebels of the Hell Raisers League. I came to play with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Ricky Williams, WR-Donald Driver, Mike Wallace, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.
My MadMen are still number one in the division (yes, with a Josh McDaniel’s fist pump). LDT and Ricky Williams didn’t light it up. Donald Driver and Mike Wallace picked them up. But, I didn’t see that Kurt Warner performance coming. Five touchdowns!?!?!? Clearly, Warner was my Player of the Week again pulling in 40 points by himself. My MadMen spanked Eaglescrazy 104-68 past The Rebels 92-87.

Hecate’s HellHounds (4-5) v. the hurricane
The HellHounds have moved into second place in our division. Playoff hopes are starting to disappear. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and LDT, WRs-Nate Burleson, Mike Wallace, Donald Driver, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Kris Brown, DST-San Diego Chargers. Drew, Drew, could you help a sister out? I need you to put up some big points down the stretch. Players of the week were Drew Brees and Ryan Grant each accounting for 15 points. My Hell pups survived the hurricane 92-52.

The Crazy 88’s (5-4) v. devil’s rejects.
The 88’s are tied for last place in our division. SMH… I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Julius Jones and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Reggie Wayne, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Diego Chargers. My Player of the Week was Julius Jones with 16 points. The Crazy 88’s exorcised the devil’s rejects 86-78.

Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez (4-5) v. Team Alkies
Ay, Dios Mio…I just don’t know about this team. I see-saw continues. I lined-up with: QB-Jay “I Hate you so much right now” Cutler, RB-LDT, and Cedric Benson, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh, Mike Wallace, and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. My players of the week were Cutler and Fitzgerald. Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez sent Team Alkies to rehab with a 113-96 victory.
Well, that’s all I’ve got guys. Until next week, kids… As Malcolm Forbes once said, “Victory is sweetest when you've known defeat.” Have a good fantasy week, y’all…

Welcome The NFL Midseason: The Reality Show Edition

Welcome back, boys and girls. This season of NFL football has been the best and worst reality show on television. Some of the great shows:
Drew and Darren Take New Orleans: Drew Brees and Darren Sharper take up residence in the Big Easy. They along with their coach Sean Payton dash their way to an undefeated record at the top of the NFC South. They have had amazing guest stars including current and former reality stars Reggie Bush and Tony Gonzalez. Drew the handsome quarterback and Darren the studly safety perplex players weekly on both sides of the ball, while the people of New Orleans devour it like a bowl of Jambalaya.
Play it with Peyton: Peyton Manning, the star of the show, has to cope with a life without his coach Tony Dungy and the turnover in the coaching ranks. No one thought Manning would have a chance with Jim Caldwell and no Bob Sanders (who is now out for the year). Yet, for the fourth time in five years, Peyton and Company have started the year undefeated.
Being Brett Favre: Yes, yes, Lord Favre returned to his Lambeau Field manor to overthrow the “evil” archduke Ted Thompson and his dark knights the Green Bay Packers. Joined by his ever vigilant companions, Sir Adrian and Sir Jared, Lord Favre dispatched with the upstart Sir Aaron of Rodgers and defeated the Packers of Green Bay for the second time this year, proving once again, who truly rules the manor at Lambeau Field.
Honorable Mention: Extreme Makeover: The Denver and Cleveland Editions
But for every “good” reality show (wow, that is an oxymoron), there are a thousand bad ones.
For the Love of God: Oakland Raiders Edition. This use to be one of the proudest (albeit, thuggish) teams in the league. First, the coach (allegedly) breaks the jaw of his assistant coach. Then, two of his former lovers accuse him of abuse. Al Davis is still, well, crazy. They tried to ban Rich Gannon from the facilities before a game. JaMarcus “It wasn’t me” Russell is still horrible. They can’t seem to get anything going out in Oakland. Yes, the area has the proper nickname, “The Black Hole.”
Real Chance of Unemployment, starring Terrell Owens, Roy E. Williams, and Larry Johnson. Roy Williams (who has taken TO’s role in Dallas in all the bad ways),Owens, Johnson are currently trying to sabotage their own careers. T.O. is flailing in Buffalo, while LJ is trying to ride his 2.7 ypc out of Kansas City, and Roy is whining about Miles “#2” Austin is getting all of the correctly thrown balls. Sigh…SMH…These guys flock to trouble like Amy Winehouse to a bottle of Jack Daniels.
The Biggest Loser: This year’s teams include the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (sorry @ShirleyHuangEsq) , St. Louis Rams, Cleveland Browns, Tennesse Titans, Kansas City Chiefs, and the Detroit Lions. The Lions, Rams, Brown, and Chiefs are returning participants while the Titans and Bucs are competing for the first time in a few years. All have lots of dead weight to drop before the start of next season, and they are hoping to win a shiny new draft pick to help pull them back into the winning ranks.
Honorable (LOL) Mention: The Surreal Life, starring the Washington Redskins (Sorry, @DragonflyJonez).
Congratulations to one of my favorites-Shawne Merriman. I told y’all last week that he was close. He was very close getting two sacks on JaMarcus “I performed fine” Russell. Congrats, Lights Out! Now, let’s get a few of those against the Eli and the G-Men this week (sorry, @Sportychic56).
The Merry Mad Men (5-3) v.The Rebels
I, my friends, am breaking out the Macarena, because you guys are not going to believe this, but I went 3-1 again this week in fantasy. I am utterly amazed by my teams performances, with the exception of Team Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez…that team can’t win for losing…
My Merry Mad Men took on The Rebels of the Hell Raisers League. I came to play with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Ricky Williams (had to bump Larry Johnson for the bye, didn’t know that it might be bye-bye), WR-Donald Driver, Mark Clayton, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.
My MadMen rebounded this week and managed to hang on to #1 in our division. LDT and the Chargers D/ST also made a comeback this week against the Raiders, each pulling in 17 points. I didn’t leave anyone on the bench this week. My Player of the Week is Mr. Reggie Wayne and his 20 point performance against the 49ers. My MadMen slipped past The Rebels 92-87.
Hecate’s HellHounds (3-5) v. the hogs
The HellHounds have moved in the Buffalo Bills neighborhood. I’m so ready to move up to the East Side. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and LDT, WRs-Nate Burleson, Devery Henderson, Donald Driver, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. Like with my MadMen, the Chargers and LDT are starting to pull their own weight. My player of the week, just edging out the Chargers and LDT, was Drew Brees with 20 points. My Hell pups stay on the winning track beating the hogs 87-64.
The Crazy 88’s (4-4) v. bigboimike26
The 88’s are like watching a tennis match, back and forth. I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Julius Jones and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Reggie Wayne, Tory Holt, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Diego Chargers. My Player of the Week was Donovan McNabb who is so freaking frustrating, up one week, down the next. This week, he brought home 26 points. The Crazy 88’s actually spanked bigboimike26 107-76. We’re back at .500, yo.
Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez (3-5) v. Hotty Toddy Harassers
Ay, Dios Mio…I just don’t know about this team. I continue having an up and down year. I lined-up with: QB-Jay Cutler, RB-LDT, Mike Bell, and Darren Sproles, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. My player of the week was LDT who lead the team with 17 points (ESPN only gave the Chargers D/ST 8 points. This is why I don’t like the scoring system.). Jay Cutler against the Browns seemed like a better deal then Mark Sanchez against the Dolphins. It wasn’t. I Left 24 points on the bench with Sanchez. Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez lost to the Hotty Toddy Harassers 71-58. Smugness, officially over…
Well, that’s all I’ve got guys. Until next week, kids… As the great Arthur Ashe once said, “Every time you win, it diminishes the fear a little bit. You never really cancel the fear of losing; you keep challenging it.” Have a good fantasy week, y’all…

I Scream with The Grudge of every Chiefs fan who watches The Shining Broncos.

Welcome back, boys and girls. This past week has been Favrepalossa. Thank goodness the Packers and the Vikings play twice a year or we would never be able to see Brett Favre. I mean, I have hardly heard anything about Old man Favre this year. I wasn’t even aware he was still in the league…*rolling eyes.* Clearly, I don’t care. Larry Johnson insulted his coach, his team, the fans, and homosexuals everywhere (did I miss anybody) this week. So he was suspended for conduct detrimental to the team; that could practically apply to any Chiefs player who has taken the field impersonating an NFL player. Thank goodness they are off this week. At least, they can’t lose. People are still giving my boy Shawne Merriman a hard time because he still doesn’t have a sack. He almost had one against the Chiefs, and from what I saw he was moving much better, but folks, he is still not completely healthy. I’m just happy to have him on the field. I still hate the Cowboys, Raiders, and Broncos. Tom Cable is reportedly (according to ESPN) an abuser of women. We know he’s an abuser of men, and like his quarterback, an abuser of the occasional donut. All jokes aside (which is hard to do because the Raiders are a joke), the NFL needs to review these accusations. I don’t really see Crazy Al retaining him after this year, but then again, the only reliable thing about Crazy Al is that he is unreliable. Mark Sanchez tried not to mock the Raiders by eating a hot dog on the sideline. Thank you, Mark. Peyton was Peyton.
There is a lot of horror in the NFL this year. The Chiefs, Bucs, Lions, Rams, Browns, Raiders, and Redskins all suck. They are like watching Wrong Turn on Friday the 13th into A Nightmare on Elm Street. It should be illegal to be this bad. The NFL should take the Shield off their helmets. Two of these teams, the Rams and Lions, will be playing this week…And no one will care.
Last week, I went an impressive 3-1 in the fantasy game. Yes, I was just as shocked as you are. I still don’t know how, but I’m about to do a victory lap…
The Merry Mad Men (4-3) v. maniacs
My Merry Mad Men went up against maniacs of the Hell Raisers League. I took the “field” with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Larry Johnson, WR-Donald Driver, Santonio Holmes, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.
My MadMen slipped again, but this time it was my fault. I left 74 points on the bench. That’s right 74 points on the bench. I started Larry Johnson (that Eric Kuselias) over Ricky Williams. Bad, idea. Started Tony Gonzalez over Vernon Davis. Davis and Williams had 54 points between the two of them. I…I have no words to describe how disappointed I am with my managing. My Players of the Week were on the bench, but of the one’s playing, The San Diego Chargers D/ST tried to stop the bleeding, but the MadMen lost to the Maniacs 99-103.
Hecate’s HellHounds (2-5) v. Kung Pow 2009
The HellHounds have upgraded to the Washington Redskins of their fantasy league. Not much of an upgrade, but it’s something. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and Mike Bell, WRs-Mike Wallace, Santonio Holmes, Donald Driver, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. This team…sucked…so badly. I just don’t know… Lindell, Holmes and Grant all had 10 points. Gonzalez had 11. My player of the week was for the first time this season the San Diego Chargers D/ST with 26 points. My Hell pups finally pulled out a victory beating Kung Pow 2009 119-93.
The Crazy 88’s (3-4) v. Tbaggers
The 88’s are like watching a tennis match, back and forth. I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Larry Johnson and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Reggie Wayne, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Diego Chargers. My Player of the Week was the Chargers D/St with their 26 points against my beloved Chiefs. The Crazy 88’s edged the Tbaggers 95-87. That’s all I’ve got to say about that.
Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez (3-4) v. Lee’s Lil Nazis
Lee’s Lil Nazis (SMH…He was influenced by Inglorious Basterds) is run by our league commissioner, another of my former students. My team underwent a name change last week since the other Gonzalez hasn’t been seen since week one (is he still on the roster?). Lee was playing with Drew Brees. I lined-up: QB-Jay Cutler, RB-LDT, Mike bell and Cedric Benson, WR-Mike Wallace and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. My player of the week was Cedric “I got some new tread” Benson with 24 points. Gonzalez minus un Gonzalez spanked the Lil Nazis 103-62. I’m trying not to be smug…Trying…
Dear Shawne Merriman,
As I said last week, I know that it is tough playing with the injuries you have had over the last few weeks, the groin and Achilles, but this week you play the Raiders. You have 6.5 sacks against the Raiders. You guys are home at the Q, and y’all are playing JaMarcus “It’s not my Fault” Russell. Please unleash that pent up anger upon the Raiders. Release the sack monster upon the Raider offense. I really, don’t care how. Cheat if you must…just don’t get caught (I won’t tell). I also would not mind if you “accidentally” bumped head coach Tom Cable (a la Charlie Weis *wink-wink*). Today, would be a good day to try and tie Derrick’s sack record, okay. Thanks.
Your fan and fantasy team owner, DianaDishes
Well, that’s all I’ve got guys. Until next week kids… As the Great Vince Lombardi said, “It's easy to have faith in yourself and have discipline when you're a winner, when you're number one. What you got to have is faith and discipline when you're not a winner.” Have a good fantasy week, y’all…

The 2009 Version of the NFL is filled with Paranormal Activity of the 4th Kind

Welcome back, boys and girls. I love the NFL, but this past week has only shown that it is a topsy-turvy league where sometimes up is down and down is up. Don’t believe me, witness the is paranormal activity. The Titans who were 13-3 last year are 0-6, including a 59-0 beat down by the Patriots, followed by a verbal beat down by Sally Reece, the wife of former GM Floyd Reece. The Raiders, the NFL’s most dysfunctional team, managed to beat the Philadelphia Eagles as their head coach managed to avoid charges of hitting his assistant coach and breaking his jaw. The Chiefs beat the Redskins (I’m still shocked by that fact), and Jim Zorn became the figure head head coach to Sherman Lewis who’s last job was…wait for it…meals on wheels and bingo caller at a senior citizen’s home. Really, Washington, really?
The Buffalo Bills and fantasy owners everywhere put out an all-points-bulletin for Terrell Owens’s talent. The San Diego Chargers were beaten by team dressed as Giant Oompa-Loompa’s (That is a hot mess, Denver). Mark Sanchez is about to find out just how fickle the fans of New York are as his talent seems to have been abducted over the last three weeks. The New Orleans Saints, that’s right I said the New Orleans Saints, treated Eli Manning to a homecoming filled with beads and Southern Hospitality before Drew and the boys (seven different scorers) pulled the rug from under him and his G-men. There use to be a saying that “nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina,” use to be. Then there is the Denver Broncos. Denver, as much as it sickens me to say, has turned into one of the better teams in the league and go into their bye week 6-0, joining New Orleans, Indianapolis, and Minnesota as the last undefeated teams in the league. Cincinnati is tied (but currently holds the tie-breaker) with the Super Bowl champion Steelers. Atlanta is seeking its first back to back winning seasons in team history, and Brett Favre came from behind and blah-blah-blah, Minnesota undefeated.
Yet, for all of the oddity in the NFL some things remain the same. Peyton Manning is still awesome. His teammate Bob Sanders is starting his multi-million dollar part-time job this week. Tom Brady is becoming Tom Brady again. Brett Favre, yada-yada-yada. San Diego is starting slow, again, and has fallen 3.5 games behind the Broncos (wiping the bad taste from my mouth). Jacksonville, Baltimore, Arizona, and Seattle are consistently inconsistent. The Rams, Browns, Bucs, Lions and Chiefs are well the Rams, Browns, Bucs, Lions, and Chiefs. Gotta love parity in the NFL!
So what’s up with my teams? Nothing…Nothing is up. I think this will be year that I may pull a Favre when it comes to fantasy football. I can’t catch a break anywhere. Can’t catch a break!!! I ended last week 1-3. Albeit reluctantly, let’s survey the damage.
The Merry Mad Men (4-2) v. steelerdan
My Merry Mad Men went up against steelerdan of the Hell Raisers League. I took the “field” with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Larry Johnson, WR-Donald Driver, Santonio Holmes, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.
My MadMen are now two games above .500, and I still holding on to first place in my division. hopefully they will continue to improve. They are #1 in their division, Yay! Larry Johnson and LDT posted their best numbers of the year (though sadly not double digits). The Chargers didn’t bring their A, B, or C game last week. Nate Keading had more points than the Chargers D/ST who gave up not one but two returns for touchdowns. My wide receivers basically had the same amount of points. I started Mike Wallace to replace Reggie Wayne (thank goodness the bye is over). TG returned with 11 points in the Falcon victory over the bears. My Player of the Week was, once again, Father Time, Kurt Warner with 19 points. The Merry MadMen were able to stumble to the finish line defeating steelerdan 96-85.
Hecate’s HellHounds (1-5) v. Twisted Sister
This team has had the most unbelievable bad luck. I made the mistake of saying that this was the best team I’ve fielded. This team is the Tennessee Titans of my fantasy teams. Oddly with one of the best quarterbacks. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and Mike Bell, WRs-Mike Wallace, Santonio Holmes, Nate Burleson, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. This team…sucked…so badly. I just don’t know… Lindell, Holmes and Grant all had 10 points. Gonzalez had 11. My player of the week was Drew Brees and his 38 point performance. Unfortunately, the HellHounds had to compete against Tom “I got 51 points by myself” Brady. The Scrappy Doos join my Chiefs at 1-5 as they lose to Twisted Sister 126-106.
The Crazy 88’s (2-4) v. hotshot67
I thought my team was on the up-swing with the return of Donovan McNabb. Wrong! (In Charlie Murphy Voice). I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Larry Johnson and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Torry Holt, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Diego Chargers. Well, the Crazy 88’s lived up to their namesakes (see the movie Kill Bill: Volume 1) and were slaughtered. My Player of the Week was Tony Gonzalez who returned with 11 points. The Crazy 88’s were massacred by a bride named hotshot67 by a final score of 132-74. Wasn’t even worth the effort.
Gonzalez y Gonzalez (2-4) v. Team Abuhakmeh
Team Abuhakmeh (that’s his real last name) is owned by one of my former students. He has taken pleasure in mocking me during our last four years of our fantasy football league. Sunday was his birthday. So, I decided to leave him a message via Facebook containing a happy birthday and a little smack talk. Big Mistake. When the games started, I was too busy laughing. Why you ask? Well, Birthday boy was too busy to set his line-up. He was missing a running back, a wide receiver, and a tight end. He was ripe for the picking. WRONG!! WRONG!! His quarterback was Tom Brady. I absolutely hate Tom Brady. I lined-up: QB-Jay Cutler, RB-Darren Sproles and Cedric Benson, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh, Mike Wallace and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. This league is a wash. I’m never going to win a Championship in this league. I am the Tony Gonzalez of this league. Jay “Jake Harper” Cutler was my player of the week with 19 pouting points. TG and Larry Fitzgerald had good hands (and looks) as usual. Gonzalez minus un Gonzalez lose to Team Abuhakmeh 97-85. Happy Freaking Birthday, Joe. Try not to be smug about it.
Dear Shawne Merriman,
I know that it is tough playing with the injuries you have had over the last few weeks, but this week you play my Chiefs. You have 6 sacks in 6 career games against the Chiefs. The cure for all sack woes is a trip to Arrowhead against my beloved Chiefs and their Swiss cheese offensive line. Try not to kill Cassel in your anger. He is worth 60 million dollars, not really, but that’s what we are paying him. Finally, out of respect to the great Derrick Thomas, the Chiefs have to come to San Diego. Try not to break Derrick’s sack record until the Chiefs get to Qualcomm, okay. Thanks.
Your fan and fantasy team owner, DianaDishes
P. S. I love the new hair cut.
This week I was asked to be a twitter girlfriend. Rob @AtypicalSports, I accept and will be your Twitter girlfriend. By the way, you guys should give Rob and Ki at The Atypical Sports show some love at http://www.atypicalsportsshow.com/home.html Until next week kiddos… As the Great Vince Lombardi said, “If you can accept losing, you can't win. Have a good fantasy week, y’all…

Falcon was Hiding in the Attic, While my Teams were Hiding in the Basement...

Welcome back boys and girls…I’m a little better the week. Week five of fantasy football did not go as badly as 3 and 4. So, what’s up? First up, JaMarcus Russell a quarterback is an insult to anyone who has ever played the position on any level. Now, I enjoyed watching JaMarcus Russell at LSU, and I admit once he went to the NFL, I stopped cheering because he played for the dreaded, uhm, I mean, dreadful Oakland Raiders. If Al Davis were of sound mind (or body for that matter), he would realize that this is a failed experiment. Alas, Crazy Al is sticking with the JaMarcus Russell train which at this point derailed sometime last year and is dragging the rest of the team with it. The Raiders insulted Antonio Pierce and the New York Giants by impersonating an NFL team during their loss to the G-Men. Peyton Manning proved (with little difficulty) that he is the Anti-JaMarcus Russell. He continued to roll over the competition, while Bob Sanders continued his mastery of earning a year’s pay for half a year’s work. Ray Lewis tried to decapitate Chad Ochocinco (a hit that cost Mr. Lewis $25,000). The Chiefs (disguised as the Dallas Texans of the AFL) lost to the Dallas Cowboys in overtime. (Memo to Tony Romo, Ben Roethlisberger, and Matthew Stafford stop it with the damn backwards caps. Grow up and let it go.) Deep breath, release. The Cleveland Browns and the Buffalo Bills played quite frankly one of the worse games to ever be played in NFL History (6-3, yikes!). Rex Ryan announced that he was embarrassed of his team after a loss to the Miami Dolphins. Tom Brady and the Patriots lost to the Broncos in their mustard and chocolate throw-up, e-rum, throwback uniforms. By the way, I haven’t mentioned in a while that I hate, HATE, the Broncos, Raiders and Cowboys. I feel better now. Lions lost, blah-blah, Redskins lost, blah-blah, and Jacksonville lost. The 49ers were embarrassed (along with a ton of fantasy players) by Matt Ryan and the Atlanta Falcons. Most of my fantasy players spent the weekend on the fantasy bench because of bye weeks. Thank goodness.
I want to take a brief moment to go on the defensive, literally. My #1 fantasy defense is the San Diego Chargers D/ST. I know the Chargers are not performing on the level that most people are use to but really. Every time one of these guys says anything, it is front page fodder, especially Merriman. I know some people were under the delusion that he was going to be knocking heads game one. Dude has not played in a year, overcompensated, and pulled his groin (He looks good; He really, really looks good ;). Phillips arm looks like it was shredded by Wolverine, plus he has a calf and groin injury. Jamal Williams is out for the year. Clinton Hart has been kicked to the curb, and Antonio Cromartie, well is he even playing? But, they have stated that they will not use these excuses. They have to “bring their A game” come Monday night. Please boys, Momma is drowning…Throw me a life line. Destroy the Broncos!!
Back to my Fantasy Football Teams. I was 2-2 last week, an improvement over the last few weeks. Most of my bye weeks are over, which I am hoping will improve my chances of making it to the fantasy playoffs. That said, let’s review the damage.
The Merry Mad Men (3-2) v. NK Stallions
My Merry Mad Men went up against NK Stallions of the Hell Raisers League. I submitted took the “field” with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-Ricky Williams and Larry Johnson, WR-Mohamed Massaquoi, Santonio Holmes, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Joe Nedney, DST-San Francisco 49ers.
My MadMen are now above .500, and hopefully they will continue to improve. They are #1 in their division, Yay! I started Ricky Williams, Mohamed Massaquoi, Joe Nedney, and the 49ers D, because my main starters were on the bench. The 49ers were in the 10 ten among defenses, and I felt lucky to get them this late in the game. The week before, they dropped 43 points. This week 4, 4 stinking points. Larry Johnson, SMH…Ricky Williams, however, came through with 13 points and Reggie Wayne with 12. My Player of the Week-Father Time, Kurt Warner with 23 points. The Merry MadMen brought the madness defeating the NK Stallions 71-38.
Hecate’s HellHounds (1-4) v. Beaver Dam Lions
I’ve stated for the last few weeks that on paper The HellHounds are my allegedly my best team. That 1-4 record would beg to differ. Drew Brees, Ryan Grant, Donald Driver, and LDT were all taking a break last week and left me starting these “players?” QB-David Garrard, RBs-Mewelde Moore and Ricky Williams, WRs-Kenny Britt, Santonio Holmes, Nate Burleson, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Francisco 49ers. WTF…This team…sucked…so badly. The Beaver Dam Lions spanked us like Charlie Weis at a Golden Corral Buffett. Nate Burleson, yeah that Nate Burleson, was my player of the week. SMH…They don’t even deserve to be called HellHounds…The Scooby Doos lose to the Beaver Dam Lions 105-57. DMNDS…
The Crazy 88’s (2-3) v. 4th and Goal
I thought my team was on the up-swing with the return of Donovan McNabb. Donovan performed well, but the rest of the team, not so much. I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Larry Johnson and Mewelde Moore, WRs-Jacoby Jones, Torry Holt, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Francisco 49ers. Well, team suspect reared its ugly head again this week. My Player of the Week was Donovan McNabb who returned to drop 31 points. The rest didn’t really bother to show up (Where you at TG?). The Crazy 88’s lost by a quarter to 4th and goal: 100-75.
Gonzalez y Gonzalez (2-3) v. Touch-Down Low
The owner of Touch-Down Low informed me during the draft that he was going quote “kick me like a pit bull puppy.” He came into the game 4-0. I totally expected team Gonzalez y Gonzalez to well lose. I lined-up: QB-Mark Sanchez, RB-Mewelde Moore and Cedric Benson, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh, Mike Wallace and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Francisco 49ers. I picked up Mewelde Moore this week because I thought he could get me a few more points than LDT, especially since LDT was on a bye. I would rather have started The Chargers D, zero is better than what the 49ers defense dropped on me (-3 points). Negatives are only good in golf-Yeah, I’m talking to the 49ers. My players of the week is a resurgent Cedric Benson, T. J. Houshmandzadeh, and Larry Fitzgerald who each brought home 19 points. At least, Tony G. looked good. Gonzalez minus Gonzalez beat Touch-Down Low 85-60(How ya like me now, Thomas?). Heh-Heh.
Well, my D/ST Shawne Merriman and the San Diego Chargers return this week bringing LDT, Drew Brees, Donald Driver and Ryan Grant back with them. Wish me luck! Until next week…
In honor of the 3rd anniversary of one of the great coach rants of all time- “The Bears are what we thought they were. Th-they're what we thought they were. We played them in preseason. I mean, who the hell takes the third game of the preseason like it's bullshit? Bullshit! We played them in the third game, everybody played three quarters... the Bears are who we thought they were! That’s why we took the damn field! Now, *hits microphone* if you want to crown them, then crown their ass! But, they are who we thought they were, and we let them off the hook!” Ladies and Gentlemen, Dennis Green. Have a good fantasy week, y’all…

Still Chasing Pavements...

Week four of my fantasy season left me feeling like the Green Bay Packers after Monday Night Football. Let’s see, what happened this week. The Lions started a new losing streak, the Bucs, Chiefs, Rams, and Titans continued their no-winning ways, and the freaking Broncos are undefeated. Pittsburgh beat the Chargers, after Ron Rivera ripped the Defense a new one during the game. Yikes…Then A.J. Smith called the team “soft and bewildered.” Uhm, A. J. did you have any friends in school? Were you abused by jocks and coaches alike? To quote Gollum, “Nobody likes you.” So the defensive team captain (he doesn’t wear the “C,” but we know who the defensive leader is.) took offense. And, so what's your point? I love how people sitting in a suite can call someone soft. I’m soft. I cut my finger cleaning the vent in my classroom. I saw blood, and it took 10 minutes, 2 Diet Dr. Peppers, and a couple of Advil before I even thought about finishing the job (which I didn’t, I gave a student service hours to finish it-Don’t Judge Me!). I don’t call anyone playing with groin injuries and standing in front of a 300lb. offensive line man, soft. My Chiefs, my Chiefs…So, Brett Favre put a boot in the…you know the song. Now, Brett Favre, Imma let you finish, but Jared Allen (former Chief) had the best game, a Ric Flair whooooo! for you sir. Wow, Pack, were y’all star struck? (Aaron Rodgers maybe, he perpetually looks like a deer in headlights). Michael Vick has a reality show. Uhm…yeah. T.O. is T.O. Bye weeks are killing me. They are KILLING me. I just don’t know. My teams are the Rex Grossman of fantasy football. They are Dan Orlovsky. They are Kimbo Slice. They are suspect zero. Exasperated sigh…Let’s see the damage.

The Merry Mad Men (2-2) v. Ballbusterzzzz
My Merry Mad Men went up against Ballbusterzzzz of the Hell Raisers League. My MadMen apparently have been spending time in anger management. I really need to light a fire under them. I submitted the following lineup: QB-D. Garrard, RBs-L. Tomlinson and R. Williams, WR-D. Driver, Johnny Knox, and Reggie Wayne, TE-Vernon Davis, K-Nate Kaeding, D/ST-San Diego Chargers.
This was a revised line up due to bye weeks. David Garrard was a last minute pick up. I was surprised he was still available, but I need someone to take Kurt Warner’s place. Garrard didn’t disappoint, delivering 31 pts. I see more starts in Garrard’s future. I started LDT because he was suppose to be better (uh, no.). After a desperate search to find someone to take Larry Johnson’s place (no, he didn’t have a bye. I benched him for poor production [and the Giants were in town]. If McNabb can be benched, so can LJ.), I found Ricky Williams, who really did not perform that badly bringing in 15 pts. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed with the play of the Chargers. Garrard had more points than my Chargers players combined. Garrard was my player of the week. It will be a mad scramble tomorrow to pick up players to take the place of LDT, my Chargers D, and Nate Kaeding. Despite good performances by Garrard and Williams, the Ballbusterzzzz lived up to their namesakes taking out my MadMen 123-95.

Hecate’s HellHounds (1-3) v. DOOMCREW
I made this statement last week. “The HellHounds are my best team. MY BEST TEAM!!!! Peep my lineup, yo: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Santonio Holmes, Devery Henderson, TE-Owen Daniel, K-Nate Kaeding, DST-San Diego Chargers.” Clearly, I was a tad bit cocky. I started Drew Brees, because he has had the best fantasy stats over the last couple years. Can you remember that Drew? Because David Garrard had 4x as many points as you did last week, homey. Did you even see Devery “I-managed-only-2pts.” Henderson? Owen Daniel is a pretty good Tight End for Houston, but honestly, I just started him because T. Gon was in Miami with the family (Cute kid, Tony, but I was distracted by the six pack you were carrying. I do love board shorts J).
The Players of the Week were the Chargers D/ST with 13 pts. Yet, my Hellhounds played like poodle pups losing to the Doomcrew 86-51.

The Crazy 88’s (2-2) v. Norfolk Blues
I started QB-David Garrard, RBs-Larry Johnson and LaDanian Tomlinson, WRs-Donald Driver, Torry Holt, Reggie Wayne, TE-Jeremy Shockey, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Diego Chargers. You remember last week that I told you that this team is still a little suspect to me. Donovan was still out with a bye. I dropped Byron Leftwich who will not be further mentioned. Started David Garrard for this team as well (I really didn’t think he would perform that well). Jeremy Shockey was my Tony Gonzalez back up (I don’t intend to drop him. I won’t give him the satisfaction of helping another team). The other guus were my regulars. My player of the Week was David Garrard. Reggie Wayne and The Chargers both had 13 points. The Crazy 88s were my only winning team last week beating Norfolk Blues 78-67.

Gonzalez y Gonzalez (1-3) v. Team the Doctor is In
Gonzalez y Gonzalez should be called team disability. This week I played Team the Doctor is In. I like David, but his teams are almost as bad as mine. He drafted Eli Manning in the 2nd round. Well, he got the last laugh this week. I lined-up: QB-Jay Cutler, RB-LaDanian Tomlinson, LenDale White, and Cedric Benson, WR-Justin Gage and T. J. Houshmandzadeh, TE-Jeremy Stevens, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. I am shaking my head at this team. Great players, but my fantasy is a nightmare. Benson, Tomlinson, and White combined for a total of 9 points. LenDale is killing me. Maybe, he should get back on the Tequila. Justin Gage and T. J. Houshmandzadeh were nowhere near the ball. Crybaby Cutler was my Player of the week with 19 points. Team the Doctor is In put Gonzalez y Gonzalez to sleep 77-46.
This week is going to be a trial. One of my teams will be without a kicker. Half of my team has a bye this week. I have to try to find more players to replace them. I’ll let you know how that works out. I don’t see anything good coming from this week except that it gives my Chargers players more time to heal up for the Monday Night Football game against Denver.
Until next week…
Just remember “The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer.” --John Madden. Well said, Coach Madden. Have a good Fantasy Week, Y’all!

My Teams Need a Dick Butkus Pep Talk

Week three of the fantasy year swept by and beat me like the Lions beat the Redskins. Nope, that’s not a typo, the Detroit Lions finally won a game, leaving in their wake the Cleveland Browns, The St. Louis Rams, and The Kansas City Chiefs to see who will tie them for the longest losing streak. Yikes, the Chiefs have lost seven games in a row, and they are hosting the New York Giants this weekend. I’d like to give a shout out to my homies at the Fox network for allowing me to see my team led away like lambs to the slaughter this week by the G-Men. Much props! JaMarcus Russell (who ownes an NFL-worst 39.8 pass rating) was declared the Ryan Leaf of the new Millennium, Brady Quinn was benched for Derek Anderson who quickly proved that he too sucked, and the freaking Denver Broncos (WTF?) are undefeated. Peyton Manning is still Peyton Manning (Arizona, Did y’all forget?), and the Cowboys finally won at the 9th wonder of the modern world. There were a couple reports about Brett Favre playing against his former team the Green Bay Packers. ESPN provided so little info, that I barely realized that it was Monday Night Football. I know Ole #4 insists that he did not return to the game because he wants revenge, but I can’t help but thinking that Brett wishes that he can beat them like he did San Francisco last week, and then go all Toby Keith flipping the bird with both hands to Ted Thompson yelling “I’m Brett Favre, B*tch!” Just me? Sorry… Then, my fantasy D/ST the San Diego Chargers had an outbreak of groin injuries. Five players including my favorite Shawne Merriman have reported groin injuries this week… I know there is a joke here that involves Patron or maybe La Familia, but I’m not going there…
Back to my Fantasy Football Teams. I was 0-4 last week, and I don’t see it getting better over the next couple of weeks. Half my team has a bye week next week (obviously, I’m an idiot). Merriman played maybe three snaps last week, while one of my quarterbacks was benched for a second year player (yeah, I’m talking about you Byron Leftwich, you Gary Coleman looking, -2 point playing, m-, Oh, I’m sorry). LDT may finally get to see the field, but just my luck he’ll be back on the bench before the end of the second quarter (BTW, I saw his Live United commercial. Nice guy, but I couldn’t imagine staying awake during an interview with him). Tony G. is on a bye this week, so I have to find some schmuck to take his place this week (BTW, where the heck were you T. Gon last week against the Pats? 1 point? You are Tony Gonzalez. You don’t get off the bus for less than 5 points, comprende a mi amigo?). That said, let’s examine the carnage.
The Merry Mad Men (2-1) v. BenGal
My Merry Mad Men went up against BenGal of the Hell Raisers League. I submitted the following lineup: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-Michael Bennett and Larry Johnson, WR-Donald Driver, Santonio Holmes, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Kaeding, DST-San Diego Chargers.
My MadMen were neither Merry nor Mad. I had five players on this team with just one point each. 5 with 1 point each. SMH…I just…I don’t…My Player of the Week was Reggie Wayne with 18 points. My Chargers D/ST rebounded with 17 points, and Kurt Warner had 15, but they could not make up for those busters with their one point performances. The MadMen went down for the count 81-101.
Hecate’s HellHounds (1-2) v. crazyeights
The HellHounds are my best team. MY BEST TEAM!!!! Peep my lineup, yo: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and Michael Bennett, WRs-Donald Driver, Santonio Holmes, Devery Henderson, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Kaeding, DST-San Diego Chargers. How could I lose, right? Well, they found a way. There is this little short dude in Jacksonville who dropped 31 points on my team. He dropped us like he did Shawne Merriman two years ago (Sorry, Shawne, man…I still love you though. I know you didn’t see him.). Yeah, I hate Maurice Jones-Drew. He now ranks right up there with the Dallas Cowboys, Denver Broncos, Oakland Raiders, and Chittlins. My player of the week-The Chargers D/ST and their strained groins with 17 points. The rest don’t even deserve to be mentioned. They are getting the Voldemort treatment. The crazyeights neutered the HellHounds 91-64.
The Crazy 88’s (1-2) v. Black Sheep
I started QB-Byron Leftwich, RBs-Larry Johnson and Michael Bennett, WRs-Donald Driver, Torry Holt, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Diego Chargers. You remember last week that I told you that this team is still a little suspect to me. Wouldn’t you know it? They went out and proved me absolutely right. I want to take a minute to calmly state that I think Byron Leftwich is whack. That’s right, Byron, whack. I defended you, brother, defended you, when they drummed you out of Jacksonville. Rooted for you when they brought you to Tampa. Then you go and dropped a -2 points on me last week. A -2 freaking points! Even Gonzo managed 1 point! My player of the week was Reggie Wayne and the San Diego Chargers D/ST. Thanks for showing up boys. The Crazy 88’s hit some sour notes as the Black Sheep banged out a symphony winning 81-62.
Gonzalez y Gonzalez (1-2) v. Lights Out (Literally)
Gonzalez y Gonzalez chupan como un equipo. That is Spanish for they suck… And Jacob, whose team’s initials spell out (TILA), mocked me with Shawne Merriman’s quarterback Phillip Rivers. I lined-up: QB-Jay Cutler, RB-Michael Bennett, Darren Sproles, and Cedric Benson, WR-Justin Gage and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. I’m giving this team the side eye and a mouth twist. My player of the week was Crybaby Cutler with 19 points. Team Groin and Cedric Benson tied with 13 points each (damn you ESPN and your scoring system!!!!) Lights Out (Literally) choked and held team Gonzalez y Gonzalez against our will when we tried to leave. The final score LOL (ironic isn’t it) 79-G and G 63. Sigh…
Well, Tony G., Kurt Warner, Larry Fitzgerald are all on vacation this week. I’ve gotta go find some losers to take their place. Until next week…
Just remember- “Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.” Frank Gifford. Have a good Fantasy Week, Y’all.

Kanye West interrupts to tell me that Beyonce has a better Fantasy Team Than Mine.

Week one of my fantasy football year has come and gone. Since I last blogged, the San Diego DA decided not to press charges against Shawne Merriman (thanks Ms. DA). It needs to be said that you shouldn’t trust anybody whose last name is on the label of an Alcoholic Beverage (See Captain Morgan). The Kansas City Chiefs lost. Ole #4 threw the New York Jets and Eric Mangini (who I bet regrets every day that he named his kid after Mr. Hattiesburg) under the bus, a trip that cost them $100,000 and Mangini $25,000. The Chiefs lost. Drew Brew put on a quarterback clinic against the Detroit Lions, who still suck. The Chiefs lost. Tom Brady and Phillip Rivers both pulled out last minute victories against teams they should have beaten before the fourth quarter. LaDanian Tomlinson got hurt. Tom Brady was heroically praised; Phillip Rivers was criticized then fined $7,500 for taunting, embarrassing and otherwise humiliating Oakland Raider DT Gerard Warren (can you imagine the verbal beating this guy had to take in the locker room…one minute while I enjoy this image). The Chiefs lost. T.O. only kinda, sorta threw Trent Edwards under the bus…not really, but Trent, the bus is trailing you. Speaking of T.O., Jeff Garcia returned to Philly, Donovan McNabb got hurt (What? Donovan? Why he never gets hurt.), and Mr. Kendra Wilkinson was cut by the Eagles and picked up by the Indianapolis Colts. The Chiefs’ 63 million dollar man held a clipboard and watched while Broken Croyle and Tormented Thigpen showed up but couldn’t finish against the Ravens. Now to my fantasy leagues…

The Merry Mad Men v. The Last Cowboy
My Merry Mad Men went up against The Last Cowboy of the Hell Raisers League. I submitted the following lineup: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDanian Tomlinson and Larry Johnson, WR-Donald Driver, Santonio Holmes, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Kaeding, DST-San Diego Chargers. My Mad Men were out of the gate running with Santonio Holmes earning 19 points against the Tennesse Titans, but my player of the week was Reggie Wayne who racked up 22 points. Honorable mention goes to Tony Gonzalez and Kurt Warner who rounded out my top point getters. The Chargers D was okay. They managed to get two interceptions and a sack…against the Raiders. One measly sack against the Raiders-a team they have punished 12 games in a row. SMH…I’m giving them a pass this time, but this week they are playing the Ravens. LaDanian Tomlinson is already hurt…ALREADY HURT. He managed 9 points which is more than Larry Johnson’s 2. If it weren’t for the two points, I wouldn’t have known he was on the field. That said The Merry Mad Men defeated the Last Cowboy, 98-72. Not bad.

Hecate’s HellHounds v. Tim’s Grim Reapers 2
I think the HellHounds are going to be my finest team. My lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and LaDanian Tomlinson, WRs-Donald Driver, Santonio Holmes, Torry Holt, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Kaeding, DST-San Diego Chargers. My HellHound player of the week is without compare, Mr. Drew Brees who rained touchdowns upon the lowly Detroit Lions. He racked up an amazing 48 points. I have played fantasy football for three years, and I have never had a player amass that many points. LaDanian got hurt…Ryan Grant and Tony Gonzalez played really well gaining 12 and 13 points respectively. Outside of Santonio Holmes, my other wide receivers were barely there. My Hell Hounds scored the most points in the league this week beating Tim’s Grim Reapers 2, 125-82. Yay! Sorry, I went all girly.

The Crazy 88’s v. JawBreaker
I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Larry Johnson and LaDanian Tomlinson, WRs-Donald Driver, Torry Holt, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Diego Chargers. This team is starting to look a little suspect to me. Donovan McNabb grabs player of the week honors, but he broke his rib. Larry didn’t show up, LaDanian got hurt, and Rob Bironas kicked like he wanted the Steelers to win. Yep, this team=suspicious…They pulled out a win against Jawbreaker, 89-68.

Gonzalez y Gonzalez v. the Big Fat Ugly Dudes
This is my home league team, and like years before, I can’t win. This team like the Crazy 88’s is suspect. I lined-up: QB-Jay Cutler, RB-LaDanian Tomlinson, Darren Sproles, WR-Anthony Gonzalez, Larry Fitzgerald, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. Everybody knows by now that I hate how ESPN Scores (lost 3 points on Chargers and who knows how many on Sproles). The second Gonzalez of the name went down with a knee injury (out 3-6 weeks), did I mention LT’s ankle, and Jay Cutler forgot that his teammates do not wear Green and Gold. Mr. T. J. Championship gave me 4 points. Gonzalez y Gonzalez was spanked 73-99 by the Big Fat Ugly Dudes.

So, I finished this week 3-1. I lost a quarterback, a running back, and a wide receiver. I picked up Michael Bennett, a running back for the San Diego Chargers. He performed well during the preseason (but that was preseason). I hope he repeats that performance during LT’s absence. I picked up Justin Gage at wide receiver to replace Anthony Gonzalez, Byron Leftwich for Donovan, and Mark Sanchez for Crybaby Cutler. That’s it for the week that was. Wish me luck guys…Just remember-“Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid of your aggressions without going to jail for it.” - Heywood Hale Broun. Good Fantasy week, y’all!

Hola, Gonzalez y Gonzalez: Bienvenido a Futbol de NFL 2009

"I amar prestar aen…The world is changed. Han mathon ne nen…I feel it in the water. Han mathon ne chae…I feel it in the Earth. A han noston ned gwilith…I smell it in the air." The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings

Do you know what that is? It is football!!! We are now three days away from the kickoff of the 2009 season!!!!! Is it me or does the off-season seem longer? Well, y'all know I'm a fan of Shawne Merriman's; as such, I am reserving judgment until after all the facts have come forward (although you know who I'm rooting for). Any who...I had my last draft of the season last night...The absolute last one...no, I mean it...I have four teams now...I think that is more than enough.

I don't remember my draft order, because I was hanging with my boys last night (I had to use the draft recap). I know all but two guys in this league personally, but I like them, too, because they are so funny. Most of the guys are my former students (shout out to the Class of 2007!). They, however, have been schooling me in fantasy football for the last three years. Last year, I finished 9 out of 20 and 12 out of 12 against them. We had a such great time bashing each other about our choices, that auto pick got me four times last night (I wasn't the only one), but here is my final line up for my ESPN Team Gonzalez y Gonzalez (you'll see why shortly):

1st round: San Diego Chargers Running Back-LaDanian Tomlinson
2nd round: Arizona Cardinals Wide Receiver-Larry Fitzgerald (Got the best WR in the league, Hecks yeah!)
3rd round: Seattle Seahawks Wide Receiver-T. J. Houshmandzadeh (championship! LOL)
4th round: Atlanta Falcons Tight End-Tony Gonzalez (y'all knew that was coming)
5th round: Chicago Bears Quarterback-Jay Cutler (Yea, I know...Normally, wouldn't have drafted crybaby Cutler, whatever...)
6th round: Tennessee Titans Running back-LenDale White (I hope for my sake that his weight loss plan holds out this season.)
7th round: San Diego Chargers Running Back-Darren Sproles (I wasn't thinking...clearly toward the end of this...)
8th round: San Diego Chargers Defense (Don't judge me!!! I'm weak!!! I'm hoping he channels that anger into beating quarterbacks all over the league [Shawne, sack, but please don't kill, maim, or otherwise damage the already fragile group that is the Kansas City Chiefs quarterbacks corps....That said, you have carte blanche to mangle the rest of the league])
9th round: Indianapolis Colts Wide Receiver-Anthony Gonzalez (He will be Peyton's 3rd choice behind Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark)
10th round: Cincinnati Bengals Running Back-Cedric Benson (yea, I didn't really pick him [I hate Autopick!])
11th round: Cincinnati Bengals Wide Receiver-Lavernaus Coles (I wasn't even aware he was with the Bengals [Autopick])
12th round: Tampa Bay Buccaneers Running Back-Earnest Graham (autopick)
13th round: New York Jets Quarterback-Mark Sanchez (I need someone to back up crybaby.)
14th round: Green Bay Packers Defense (Gonna have to find a new back up d...Forgot that they are off the same week as the Chargers.)
15th round: Tennessee Titans Wide Receiver-Justin Gage (autopick)
16th round: Dallas Cowboys Kicker-Nick Folk (This, too was an autopick, who I immediately dropped because of my strict no Dallas Cowboy policy...don't laugh I have only had one Cowboy on any of my football teams in the last three years...Not anymore...)

Well, this team is not great. Currently, I'm trying to claim a kicker off waivers. I don't really care about the kicker. I'll probably use a different one every other week. Well, I'm going to take a moment to make my picks for the season...I don't give records, because that involves math, and I'm an English major. I know for a fact that the numbers wouldn't add up. I remind you that I have no inside information, because that would require effort, and well, I'm a bit lazy, too. Don't bet on my picks, because I am notoriously inaccurate. We can all look back in February and laugh at my ignorance.

AFC East: 1-New England Patriots, 2-Miami Dolphins, 3-New York Jets, 4-Buffalo Bills
AFC South: 1-Indianapolis Colts, 2-Jacksonville Jaguars, 3-Tennessee Titans, 4-Houston Texans
AFC North: 1-Pittsburgh Steelers, 2-Baltimore Ravens, 3-Cincinnati Bengals, 4-Cleveland Browns
AFC West: 1-San Diego Chargers, 2-Kansas City Chiefs, 3-Denver Broncos, 4-Oakland Raiders
(This is wishful thinking on my part-honestly the Chiefs, Broncos, and Raiders are interchangeable. It wouldn't surprise me if they were all tied at the end of the year. Let's face it, none of them will even sniff the playoff unless they buy tickets.)

Wildcards: Baltimore, Jacksonville
AFC Championship Game: San Diego v. New England
AFC Champs-San Diego (I got a feeling)

NFC East: 1-New York Giants, 2-Philadelphia Eagles, 3-Dallas Cowboys, 4-Washington Redskins
NFC South: 1-New Orleans Saints, 2-Atlanta Falcons, 3-Carolina Panthers , 4-Tampa Bay Buccaneers
NFC North: 1-Minnesota Vikings, 2-Green Bay Packers, 3-Chicago Bears, 4-Detroit Lions
NFC West: 1-Arizona Cardinals, 2-Seattle Seahawks, 3-San Francisco 49ers, 4-St. Louis Rams
(I really think that any team can make it out of the NFC; it's always a crap shoot. The south is anybody's game actually.)

Wildcards: Philadelphia Eagles, Atlanta Falcons
NFC Championship Game: New York v. Minnesota
NFC Champs-New York Giants

Super Bowl XLIV-New York Giants v. San Diego Chargers (To settle once and for all who got the better deal out of the Manning trade.) DRUM ROLL, PLEASE...................

Super Bowl Champions-San Diego Chargers

That's right...Representing the AFC West (the saddest division in the league), I think that if the Chargers are going to win a Super Bowl it has to be while they still have this core of players intact. Well, that it ladies and gents...Before I sign off let me remind you in the words of the Doug Plank: “Most football teams are temperamental. That's 90% temper and 10% mental.”

Now, let there be Football!!!!!!!!!!

Go, Chiefs!!!!!!!