NFL Week 17: Happy New Year?

Happy New Year, everybody!!!! May all your dreams and wishes come true in this new year!!! Cleveland won a game!!!! It is the last week of the season, and we are a few games away from having the playoff picture set.  The AFC has all of its teams in order, and it is a forgone conclusion that New England will retain the number one seed, but if New England loses and Oakland wins, Oakland will get home field throughout the playoffs. Oakland and Kansas City are currently fighting for the number 2 seed and the AFC West title.  Denver and San Diego can play spoilers though. Pittsburgh, Houston, and Miami are more or less set for the playoffs, but Miami could throw a wrench in New England's playoff plans.

The NFC side is a bit more complicated.  Dallas is set at the #1 seed with home field throughout the playoffs. Atlanta is currently the #2 seed and can clinch the #2 with a win.  Now, Seattle has a chance at #2 if Atlanta loses, and they win.  Green Bay and Detroit are fighting for the NFC North today, and one of them may end up at the house for the playoffs.  Washington and Tampa Bay still have a chance to make the playoffs, but Tampa Bay needs about a thousand dominoes to fall correctly for that to happen.  New York has clinched a berth and can prevent Washington from entering the playoff fray with a win today.

It's not all good news around the NFL this New Year's Day.  Some cities may be losing their teams, looking at you San Diego and Oakland. Other teams are just losing their coaches.  Buffalo fired head coach Rex Ryan and his twin brother Rob.  The Saints may be playing their last game under Sean Payton's tutelage.  Gary Kubiak is likely to step down today in Denver due to health issues.  There are a number of NFL coaches keeping their fingers crossed that their names will not end up on  pink slip tomorrow. Good luck, guys.  

The Raiders are going to be without their starting quarterback Derek Carr for the near future as he broke his leg during last week's game. I hate Oakland, but I don't wish injuries on anyone. I prefer my team to beat them at their best, as they have, twice this year.  Marcus Mariota and Tyler Lockett also broke legs ending their seasons as well.  Good luck, gentleman!!

Did you see the Denver/Kansas City game on Christmas night?  Oh, man...Denver's defense, normally one of the best in the league, were...did they even get off the plane?  Tyreek Hill and Travis Kelce had a night, both ripping off 70 yard and 80 yard TDs respectively.  Even, Alex Smith scored a touchdown in the game. But the pièce de résistance occurred in the waning minutes of the game, when the Chiefs brought in Dontari Poe for what most thought would be a run.  Poe instead lined up in shotgun formation and did a jump shot pass to Demetrius Harris for a touchdown. Andy Reid calls it the "Bloated Tebow Pass," but I call it the nail in Denver's coffin. Now, both teams from last year's Super Bowl have been eliminated from the playoffs.

Many fantasy leagues finished up their playoffs last week, including my two leagues.  Lucille Swings, my #1 team, spent most of the year in first place, but like the real NFL, any given Sunday, a team can be knocked from its top spot, as was the case with Lucille Swings.  Lucille swung and missed as I was upset by a forth place team.  122 points were not enough to overcome Brett's team (he put a lot of effort in that name), especially with Cam Newton and Larry Fitzgerald having lackluster days, and Spencer Ware leaving the game with a rib injury.  Brett's team had a field day thanks to Andrew Luck, Ezekiel Elliott, Le/Veon Bell, Doug Baldwin, and Jordy Nelson. Tyreek Hill and Travis Kelce tried, but Lucille Swings ended the year in second place.  My dumpster fire team Lochte and Loaded surprisingly won the consolation bracket and finished the year in third place. No championships this year, but I'll take a 2nd and a 3rd place.

Last week, I had a pretty decent pick week, and had San Diego and Tennessee did their one job, it could have been better, but I'll take 11-4.  My current tally stands at 153-84. Let's see how I do on this final week of the season.

Sunday, January 1, 2017
Baltimore Ravens vs. Cincinnati Bengals;  Baltimore
Houston Texans vs. Tennessee Titans:  Houston
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Indianapolis Colts:  Indianapolis
New England Patriots vs. Miami Dolphins:  New England
Chicago Bears vs. Minnesota Vikings:  Minnesota
Buffalo Bills vs. New York Jets:  Buffalo (Reggie Bush needs at least 3 yards to prevent him from setting a dubious record today.  He currently has -3 yards on the season.)
Dallas Cowboys vs. Philadelphia Eagles:  Dallas
Cleveland Browns vs. Pittsburgh Steelers:  Pittsburgh
Carolina Panthers vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers:  Tampa Bay
Oakland Raiders vs. Denver Broncos:  Oakland (although for the first time in probably ever, I'm rooting for Denver.)
New Orleans Saints vs. Atlanta Falcons:  Atlanta
Kansas City Chiefs vs. San Diego Chargers:  Kansas City (San Diego is playing for pride, but keep Antonio Gates out of the endzone. There is no need for him to break Tony Gonzalez's touchdown record today. NONE AT ALL!!!)
Seattle Seahawks vs. San Francisco 49ers:  Seattle
Arizona Cardinals vs. Los Angeles Rams:  Arizona
New York Giants vs. Washington Redskins:  New York
Green Bay Packers vs. Detroit Lions:  Green Bay

That's it, guys! Enjoy your New Year's celebrations and all the games!!! Until next week, "Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten."-Natasha Bedingfield

Hey Ma! I'm on TV!-Picks from a Maniac Maenad Week 10

Welcome back, everybody! It's week 10 of the NFL season, and the NFL Week is already off and running. Did you guys watch the pre-game extravaganza before the Thursday night game? Yeah, me either. I was also not that fond of Joe Theismann, Matt Millen, and Bob Papa trio in the booth. Yikes, and here I thought it was torture listening to Joe Buck every Sunday. Any hoo, the Atlanta Falcons and the Baltimore Ravens eventually took the field with the Falcons winning 26-21. I was rooting for neither although I had fantasy players on both sides. (Dear Matt Ryan, could you help a sister out and more than occasionally throw a TD TG's way? Y'all are killing me!!!)

As I was drifting in and out of that game Thursday (I still haven't gotten use to this time), I thought I would have a little fun this week. NFL players love to have their time on TV. Case in point, Tony Gonzalez's appearance on One Tree Hill. No, I didn't see it, mostly because I hate One Tree Hill. I started looking at the different teams in the NFL, and because I'm apparently bored, I started putting TV titles to some of this years NFL stories.

Everybody Hates Brad-Apparently, Hell has a new location called Minneapolis, and Brad Childress has been labeled Lucifer. Watch the hilarity ensue as players insult the caters! Anonymous players declare they will win in spite of the coach. The Quarterback gets busted sexting and tries to convince the public and his wife that those naughty pictures are his, as his wide receiving corps rotates injuries from migraines to hips.

The Walking Dead: A new series that revolves around the plight of survivors in three cities as they try to avoid the walking dead. The series originally starred Wade Phillips, Mike Singletary, and Chan Gailey as the leader of the survivors in their respective cities of Dallas, San Francisco, and Buffalo, but after poor ratings, one of the executive producers Jerry Jones, fired Phillips and replaced him with upstart Jason Garrett who will try to lead the Dallas survivors victory. Guest star Shawne Merriman has already succumbed by merely stepping on the practice field.

Haley and Mangini's Believe it or Not: Todd Haley and his fearless sidekicks Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel take you to places throughout the country to reveal unbelievable feats like maintaining a lead in the AFC West, constantly going for it on fourth down, driving the collective blood pressures of their fans to astronomical highs and lows in the same quarter. I'm not allowed to watch or listen anymore, due to high superstitions, and the fact that every time I watch/listen something bad happens. Meanwhile, Eric Mangini and his Browns continue to spank teams they have no business beating.

The Amazing Race: The NFC South edition watch each week as one of these teams overcome roadblocks and detour on their way to the pit stop at the top of the NFC South. Currently, the Atlanta Falcons are coming in first every week, but the New Orleans Saints and Tampa Bay Buccaneers are having stronger showings every week. Will the Super Bowl Champs return to form with the return of Reggie Bush, Pierre Thomas, and Darren Sharper? Will Drew Brees knee hold up? Will the parvenu Tampa Bay Buccaneers and their fired up coach Raheem Morris bounce back from their week 9 loss at the "Matt" to the Falcons? Who will win?

Psych: Every week Jim Caldwell pretends that he is the head coach of the Indianapolis Colts. He raises his play card to his mouth and talks into a headset that isn't actually plugged in while Peyton Manning continues to be, well Peyton Manning, the man who finds a way to win with anybody in a blue and white uniform.

Rescue Me: Starring Steve Smith, Donovan McNabb, Marvin Lewis, and the Carolina Panthers. It really needs no explanation.

$#*! My Coach Says: Each week the New York Jets players try to find a way to one up the outrageous antics of their coach Rex Ryan. From heckling a reporter to calling each other out on Twitter, this team constantly tries to find ways to out"wit" their feisty coach. This week finds Rex playing his twin brother Rob during a press conference.

Well, I think it is time for me to throw in the towel on two of my fantasy teams.

• Hecates's HellHounds of the League of Champions league: 6-3 (Slipped again.)
  
• Kansas City Chiefs of the Dynasty Orginization League: 4-5 (on a two game win streak which will come to an end because I forgot about the game on Thursday)
  
• Runtelldat Homeboys of the Big Easy League: 2-7 (The fat lady is practicing her scales.)
  
• The Cromartie Eight of the Football Fist Pump League: 4-5 (Trying to make it to .500.)
  
• Matching Mugshots of the Atypical Sports Show League: 2-7 (There are no words.)

Well, last week I didn't fair too badly. I went a sound 9-4, bringing my picks record to 66-48.
Let's see how this week goes.

Detroit Lions at Buffalo Bills: Buffalo

Minnesota Vikings vs. Chicago Bears: Chicago

NY Jets at Cleveland Browns: New York Jets

Tennessee Titans at Miami Dolphins: Tennessee

Cincinnati Bengals at Indianapolis Colts: Indianapolis

Houston Texans at Jacksonville Jaguars: Houston

Carolina Panthers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Tampa Bay

Kansas City Chiefs at Denver Broncos: Kansas City

Seattle Seahawks at Arizona Cardinals: Arizona

Dallas Cowboys at NY Giants: New York Giants

St. Louis Rams at San Francisco 49ers: St. Louis Rams

New England Patriots at Pittsburgh Steelers: Pittsburgh

Monday Night Football: Philadelphia Eagles at Washington Redskins: Philadelphia

Until next week, “If you’ll not settle for anything less than your best, you will be amazed at what you can accomplish in your lives.” -Vince Lombardi