Saturday, November 7, 2009

Welcome The NFL Midseason: The Reality Show Edition

Welcome back, boys and girls. This season of NFL football has been the best and worst reality show on television. Some of the great shows:
Drew and Darren Take New Orleans: Drew Brees and Darren Sharper take up residence in the Big Easy. They along with their coach Sean Payton dash their way to an undefeated record at the top of the NFC South. They have had amazing guest stars including current and former reality stars Reggie Bush and Tony Gonzalez. Drew the handsome quarterback and Darren the studly safety perplex players weekly on both sides of the ball, while the people of New Orleans devour it like a bowl of Jambalaya.
Play it with Peyton: Peyton Manning, the star of the show, has to cope with a life without his coach Tony Dungy and the turnover in the coaching ranks. No one thought Manning would have a chance with Jim Caldwell and no Bob Sanders (who is now out for the year). Yet, for the fourth time in five years, Peyton and Company have started the year undefeated.
Being Brett Favre: Yes, yes, Lord Favre returned to his Lambeau Field manor to overthrow the “evil” archduke Ted Thompson and his dark knights the Green Bay Packers. Joined by his ever vigilant companions, Sir Adrian and Sir Jared, Lord Favre dispatched with the upstart Sir Aaron of Rodgers and defeated the Packers of Green Bay for the second time this year, proving once again, who truly rules the manor at Lambeau Field.
Honorable Mention: Extreme Makeover: The Denver and Cleveland Editions
But for every “good” reality show (wow, that is an oxymoron), there are a thousand bad ones.
For the Love of God: Oakland Raiders Edition. This use to be one of the proudest (albeit, thuggish) teams in the league. First, the coach (allegedly) breaks the jaw of his assistant coach. Then, two of his former lovers accuse him of abuse. Al Davis is still, well, crazy. They tried to ban Rich Gannon from the facilities before a game. JaMarcus “It wasn’t me” Russell is still horrible. They can’t seem to get anything going out in Oakland. Yes, the area has the proper nickname, “The Black Hole.”
Real Chance of Unemployment, starring Terrell Owens, Roy E. Williams, and Larry Johnson. Roy Williams (who has taken TO’s role in Dallas in all the bad ways),Owens, Johnson are currently trying to sabotage their own careers. T.O. is flailing in Buffalo, while LJ is trying to ride his 2.7 ypc out of Kansas City, and Roy is whining about Miles “#2” Austin is getting all of the correctly thrown balls. Sigh…SMH…These guys flock to trouble like Amy Winehouse to a bottle of Jack Daniels.
The Biggest Loser: This year’s teams include the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (sorry @ShirleyHuangEsq) , St. Louis Rams, Cleveland Browns, Tennesse Titans, Kansas City Chiefs, and the Detroit Lions. The Lions, Rams, Brown, and Chiefs are returning participants while the Titans and Bucs are competing for the first time in a few years. All have lots of dead weight to drop before the start of next season, and they are hoping to win a shiny new draft pick to help pull them back into the winning ranks.
Honorable (LOL) Mention: The Surreal Life, starring the Washington Redskins (Sorry, @DragonflyJonez).
Congratulations to one of my favorites-Shawne Merriman. I told y’all last week that he was close. He was very close getting two sacks on JaMarcus “I performed fine” Russell. Congrats, Lights Out! Now, let’s get a few of those against the Eli and the G-Men this week (sorry, @Sportychic56).
The Merry Mad Men (5-3) v.The Rebels
I, my friends, am breaking out the Macarena, because you guys are not going to believe this, but I went 3-1 again this week in fantasy. I am utterly amazed by my teams performances, with the exception of Team Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez…that team can’t win for losing…
My Merry Mad Men took on The Rebels of the Hell Raisers League. I came to play with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Ricky Williams (had to bump Larry Johnson for the bye, didn’t know that it might be bye-bye), WR-Donald Driver, Mark Clayton, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.
My MadMen rebounded this week and managed to hang on to #1 in our division. LDT and the Chargers D/ST also made a comeback this week against the Raiders, each pulling in 17 points. I didn’t leave anyone on the bench this week. My Player of the Week is Mr. Reggie Wayne and his 20 point performance against the 49ers. My MadMen slipped past The Rebels 92-87.
Hecate’s HellHounds (3-5) v. the hogs
The HellHounds have moved in the Buffalo Bills neighborhood. I’m so ready to move up to the East Side. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and LDT, WRs-Nate Burleson, Devery Henderson, Donald Driver, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. Like with my MadMen, the Chargers and LDT are starting to pull their own weight. My player of the week, just edging out the Chargers and LDT, was Drew Brees with 20 points. My Hell pups stay on the winning track beating the hogs 87-64.
The Crazy 88’s (4-4) v. bigboimike26
The 88’s are like watching a tennis match, back and forth. I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Julius Jones and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Reggie Wayne, Tory Holt, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Diego Chargers. My Player of the Week was Donovan McNabb who is so freaking frustrating, up one week, down the next. This week, he brought home 26 points. The Crazy 88’s actually spanked bigboimike26 107-76. We’re back at .500, yo.
Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez (3-5) v. Hotty Toddy Harassers
Ay, Dios Mio…I just don’t know about this team. I continue having an up and down year. I lined-up with: QB-Jay Cutler, RB-LDT, Mike Bell, and Darren Sproles, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. My player of the week was LDT who lead the team with 17 points (ESPN only gave the Chargers D/ST 8 points. This is why I don’t like the scoring system.). Jay Cutler against the Browns seemed like a better deal then Mark Sanchez against the Dolphins. It wasn’t. I Left 24 points on the bench with Sanchez. Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez lost to the Hotty Toddy Harassers 71-58. Smugness, officially over…
Well, that’s all I’ve got guys. Until next week, kids… As the great Arthur Ashe once said, “Every time you win, it diminishes the fear a little bit. You never really cancel the fear of losing; you keep challenging it.” Have a good fantasy week, y’all…

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