Big Girls Don't Cry

Happy New Year, Everybody! I’m finally back. I went through this I’m absolutely doing nothing during my Christmas vacation. So, I kinda neglected my blog for the last two weeks. Sorry…*blush* So what’s been going on since I’ve been away on vacation. My Chiefs finally beat the Denver Broncos in Denver after Josh “Little Hoodie” McDaniels effectively blew his team up after starting the year 6-0. I’m sorry, I was wishing, hoping, and praying for that to happen. Who sits two of your best players on the bench because they aren’t your best friends? Wow…Little Hoods. Who knew that my lowly Chiefs would have contributed to the demise of the playoff hopes of the Denver Broncos? Muha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa. Uh-uhm, anyway, the Chiefs began their spring cleaning early and hired Charlie Weis as their new offensive coordinator. I’m not the biggest Charlie Weis fan, and I admit that I made more than one hula hoop joke about his waist-line, but if he can bring respectability back to my Chiefs, I’m willing to eat a little well–seasoned crow. Todd Haley…Jury is still out…Cassell…same for you. I’m watching, waiting, hoping, and praying for you guys. Okay, homerism over. Indianapolis became the one seed in the AFC after creating a ton of controversy by resting their starters, especially when doing so ended their run at an undefeated season. I would have loved to have seen Peyton Manning get that record, it was misery watching his face during that Jets game. That said, he will have to let his 4^th MVP trophy and hopefully a Super Bowl Ring easy that agony. The San Diego Chargers are the number two seed (Yay!), and they have been resting their big boys as well, such Vincent Jackson and my personal fave, Shawne Merriman. They are the quietest team with an 11 game win streak. The New England Patriots, Cincinnati Bengals, Baltimore Ravens, and New York Jets rounded out the AFC Playoff picture. So, I had three of the division winners correct (missed with Cincy, had them 3^rd). I also picked Baltimore but missed with the Jets. I’m still going with Chargers taking it all. [I started this article on Saturday morning long before the Jets spanked the Bengals, and the Cowboys killed the Eagles. As I am finishing, Baltimore is beating the Patriots, yikes.]
The NFC picture was a little more jumbled. This conference is such a hot mess. You never really know from one year to the next who is gonna come out on top. The New Orleans Saints and Drew Brees have the one seed although they looked awful crappy in their last three games-all loses. Brett Favre and the Vikings finally got their lines on the same page and took the number 2 seed by humiliating the New York Giants. What’s up with the Giants? The Dallas Cowboys (gag), Arizona Cardinals, Philadelphia Eagles, and Green Bay Packers are vying to represent the NFC. As I said earlier, the Cowboys defeated the Eagles last night for the third time this season (Why, Philly, why?). The Pack and the Cards are playing later this afternoon. Like the AFC, I had three of the Division Winners correct. I missed with the New York Giants, and I had Dallas as third. I had the Eagles as a wildcard (correct), but missed with the Atlanta Falcons (Sorry, TG. The upside Falcons had their first back-to-back winning seasons; the downside, you missed the playoffs and ended the year with 999 career receptions and missed the Pro Bowl for the first time in 10 years. Sorry, man…I piled it on a lot. My, bad). I totally missed out with the Giants in the Super Bowl. I will not pick the Cowboys…I hate them. Much to my chagrin, I am going with Minnesota. I will now unclench my teeth before they break.
The Fantasy Football season is over, unless you play the playoff championship with NFL.com. I’m not really interested. I’m a little depressed with the finishes of my teams. I really didn’t want to rehash the craptastic season that I had, but any way here it goes.

The Merry Mad Men

My Merry Mad Men finished the season with an 8-7 record. They finished #1 in the Central Division of the HellRaisers league. The MadMen were one of two of my teams that made the playoffs. We lost in the first round because in my infinite wisdom I thought it was a good idea to replace Tony Gonzalez with Vernon Davis. Well, it wasn’t, and I lost by three points, 98-95 to Ballbusterzzzz who ended up losing in the Championship game to the Bucs. We finished the season 5^th in the HellRaisers power rankings. My team MVP was Kurt Warner who brought in a 267 fantasy points to my team.

Hecate’s HellHounds

Hecate’s HellHounds could not survive elimination even with Drew Brees at the helm. They finished the fantasy season with a 6-8 record which was enough for a second place finish in the Central Division of the Heavy Metal Football league. That said, the HellHounds still managed a 5^th place finish in the power rankings, even though they did not make it to the playoffs. Satans Children defeated the DoomCrew to win our league Championship. My team MVP was Drew Brees who brought in a massive 348 points to my team (although for naught).

The Crazy 88’s

Like Hecate’s HellHounds, the Crazy 88’s were eliminated from playoff competition as well they should have been. I never really meant to field this team, but hey, I tried to do the best I could with them, which as it turns out was just not enough. The 88’s finished dead last in the West Division of the American Fantasy League with a record of 6-7-1, and last in the power rankings. We had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad season. The Black Sheep defeated the Devil’s rejects to take the league championship. My team MVP was Donovan McNabb and his 261 fantasy points.

Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez

Team Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez was the most unpredictable of all of my fantasy teams. My team even with a 6-7 record finished first in Division 4 of the Natchez League 2009. Thus, surprising everyone, including me, we made the playoffs. The playoffs last two games per round in the ESPN playoffs and to no one’s surprise, the number one team The Beast Unleashed destroyed us 303-106. This defeat qualified GMUG to play the consolation game for third place, which we won 142-70. GMUG finished the season 3^rd in the league Woo-Hoo!!!! My team MVP was, surprisingly, Jay Cutler with 216 points.

My fantasy football season, sadly, has come to an end. It has been a rollercoaster ride with more dips than high points. Even though fantasy is over, I’m not going anywhere football season is now year round, and it won’t be long before fantasy rolls around again. Besides, I’ll be giving you my take on the playoffs. So until next week, “The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.”~Phyllis Diller. See y’all next week!

OMG, I’m SMH @ WTH is going on w/my FF teams. IMO it MNDS.

Wake up, everybody! Welcome Back, Ladies and Gents. It took me a couple days to recover from my turkey coma, but it was worth it. We are in the home stretch of the fantasy football season, but I feel like my team is caught up in a rundown between third and home. Depending on your league, you have two weeks to wrap up playoff spots or prepare for next year. I have a feeling two or more of my teams will be cleaning out their lockers. While the NFL Playoff season doesn’t begin until January, fantasy players only have one-two weeks to get their affairs in order. So what’s up in the NFL world? My Kansas City Chiefs, MY KANSAS CITY CHIEFS, beat the Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers in overtime. My mouth is still agape-a two game winning streak and the end of a 10 game losing streak at Arrowhead. “Little Hoodie” Josh McDaniel told the San Diego Chargers “We own you.” before the Chargers spanked the Broncos 32-3. Best line from the “controversy,” my boy Shawne Merriman’s reply to the press, “It was cute.” That’s okay, Joshie, you took out your revenge and your big boy language (dropped an MF during the nationally televised game) and spanked Eli and the Giants on Thanksgiving night. The Cowboys had only scored 14 total points in their last two games including one of the ugliest 7-6 wins over the Washington Redskins. The offense of the Cowboys found their way to in-zone as they dropped the Raiders on Thanksgiving day. JaMarcus “It ain’t my fault” Russell was benched for Bruce Gradkowski. Sigh, they won one surprising the AFC North leading Cincinnati Bengals, then they lost on Thanksgiving, which is appropriate after all the Raiders are a bunch of Turkeys. (I am working on my hate, but I’m a work in progress.) Vince Young has the Tennessee Titans on a winning track. Big Ben Roethlisberger went down with a concussion during the Chiefs game, and his back up Charlie Batch broke his wrist (lost probably for the rest of the regular season). Jay Cutler spent his Sunday night destroying my hopes to go to the playoffs as the Bears fell to the Eagles. The Patriots avenged their earlier loss as Rex Ryan whined about being disrespected as the Jets fell 31-14. Kurt Warner is dealing with a head/neck injury; the stinker game of the week Lions/Browns turned out to be a really good game with young Matthew Stafford gutting out a shoulder injury to throw a last minute touchdown to defeat the Browns. and Peyton, Drew and Favre all *gasp, shock, awe* won again. These three QB’s are fighting for MVP. Personally, I’m rooting for Brees.

This week my Chiefs take on the San Diego Chargers who are celebrating their 50^th Anniversary. Congrats to my Fantasy Players-LaDainian Tomlinson, Shawne Merriman, Kassim Osgood, Quentin Jammer, and Darren Sproles who made the 50^th Anniversary team. Philip Rivers, Antonio Gates, and Jamal Williams are among the current players who made the team. Now, the Chiefs are my team, and I love them, but I have gone on record about my unhealthy love for most things Shawne Merriman. Now, Merriman has 6 sacks in 7 games against the Chiefs. Sack, but don’t kill Matt Cassel, Shawne. Please don’t hurt him. We owe him too much money.

This past week my fantasy teams went 2-2. I…I…Here is the evidence of my tragic week.

The Merry Mad Men (7-4) v. Murder

My Merry Mad Men took on Murder of the Hell Raisers League. I “took the field” with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Ricky Williams, WR-Donald Driver, Mike Wallace, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.

My MadMen are back to their winning ways and hangin. LDT and the Chargers D showed the Broncos who owned whom pulling in 13 and 19 points respectively. The “old guys” Kurt Warner (18 points) and Tony Gonzalez (14 points) both had really good games as well. My receivers however were all in single digits. Even the kicker Nate Kaeding (14 points) had a better day than they did. It was Ricky Williams, however, who was my Player of the Week again running away with 30 points against the Carolina Panthers. The MadMen arrested Murder with a 122-107 victory.

Hecate’s HellHounds (4-7) v. Nostradamus

Well the HellHounds will be cleaning out their lockers this week. The Playoffs are history for this team. Playoff hopes are just about gone. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and Ricky Williams, WRs-Deverey Henderson, Mike Wallace, Donald Driver, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Olindo Mare, DST-San Diego Chargers. If there is such thing as player of the week for this team, it would be Ricky Williams with his 30 points. Nostradamus predicted that my Hellpups would lose 116-120. FYI: If I had started Nate Burleson, I would have won. Talk about Hindsight. BTW, I hate you Nate Burleson.

The Crazy 88’s (6-5) v. Greenfield Assassins

The 88’s are tied for last place in our division. SMH… I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Julius Jones and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Reggie Wayne, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. Donovan McNabb and the San Diego Chargers D/ST were my players of the week each fielding a 19 point performance. The Crazy 88’s, however, could not make it two in a row losing 85-91.

Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez (5-6) v. Team Bill Clinton

I don’t know how this team is tied for first in their division. I just don’t know. I’m happy, though. I lined-up with: QB-Jay “I hate myself for drafting you” Cutler, RB-LDT, and Mike Bell, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh, Mike Wallace, and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. My player of the week was Mike Bell with 19 points. Bill Clinton couldn’t explain why his team fell to Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez 98-86.

Well, that’s all I’ve got guys. Until next week, kids… I’d like to leave you with nugget of knowledge from “Sir” Charles Barkley, “Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train.” Have a good fantasy week, y’all…

Thanks for the Block, October...or Why a Semi-nude Tony Gonzalez will not get me a PETA Card...

Welcome Back, Ladies and Gents. If you are a follower of this blog, by now you know that I absolutely crazy about NFL football. One of the great things about the NFL is that while you do have your powerhouse teams, you never know what’s going to happen from week to week. For example, who would have thought that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (in their creamsicle uniforms no less) and young Josh Freeman would have thumped the Green Bay Packers [Congratulations, @ShirleyHuangEsq!]. The Cincinnati Bengals swept the Baltimore Ravens this year and could possibly sweep the Pittsburgh Steelers this week. The Saints are still undefeated and could possibly have the offensive (Drew Brees) and defensive (Darren Sharper) MVPs. Probably the one constant in the NFL is that Peyton Manning is still Peyton Manning, and the Colts are still undefeated.
Early this season, I revealed my picks for the NFL season. Now, that we are at mid-season, let’s see how my choices are fairing. *Cue the Flashback music* Do-do-do-do-do, Do-do-do-do-do (Diana Dishes, has a non-existent budget. We can’t actually afford music. We call this using our “I-ma-gi-na-tion,” okay…). Here were my “predictions:”
AFC East: 1-New England Patriots, 2-Miami Dolphins, 3-New York Jets, 4-Buffalo Bills AFC South: 1-Indianapolis Colts, 2-Jacksonville Jaguars, 3-Tennessee Titans, 4-Houston Texans AFC North: 1-Pittsburgh Steelers, 2-Baltimore Ravens, 3-Cincinnati Bengals, 4-Cleveland Browns AFC West: 1-San Diego Chargers, 2-Kansas City Chiefs, 3-Denver Broncos, 4-Oakland Raiders Wildcards: Baltimore, Jacksonville AFC Championship Game: San Diego v. New England AFC Champs-San Diego
NFC East: 1-New York Giants, 2-Philadelphia Eagles, 3-Dallas Cowboys, 4-Washington Redskins NFC South: 1-New Orleans Saints, 2-Atlanta Falcons, 3-Carolina Panthers , 4-Tampa Bay Buccaneers NFC North: 1-Minnesota Vikings, 2-Green Bay Packers, 3-Chicago Bears, 4-Detroit Lions NFC West: 1-Arizona Cardinals, 2-Seattle Seahawks, 3-San Francisco 49ers, 4-St. Louis Rams Wildcards: Philadelphia Eagles, Atlanta Falcons NFC Championship Game: New York v. Minnesota NFC Champs-New York Giants Super Bowl XLIV-New York Giants v. San Diego Chargers Super Bowl Champions-San Diego Chargers
In the AFC East, of course, Tom Brady and the Pats are number one, but I thought Miami would at least maintain. Wrong. Jets are at second with 4-4 record, while the Dolphins are 3-5. Why did I think the Dolphins had a better record? Only three games? I thought they had won more. Huh, I really need to stay on top of that. Oh well, at least, I was right about the Bills.
In the AFC South, of course, Peyton Manning and the Colts are number one and undefeated, but what is going on in the AFC South? The Texans, yes, those Texans, are number 2, while the Titans (who had the best record last year) are in last place with a 2-6 record. Huh? Wh-Wh-What? Jacksonville continues to fool everybody, because they can’t make up they want to win or lose with their 4-4 record.
The AFC North has had the biggest surprise. I swear, I did not see the Bengals at number 2, much less #1. Who would have thunk it? Currently, they are tied at number 1 with the Steelers. Baltimore is third with a 4-4 record, while the Cleveland Browns continue to flounder in the basement playing “Who’s our quarterback this week?” Mangenius, anyone else find that as funny as me? Oh, yeah, Romeo Crennel. I still stand by the Steelers.
The AFC West continues to struggle finding its identity in the league. I picked and continue to stand behind San Diego. While the Denver Broncos (shockingly) continue to hold the #1 spot in the West, I don’t see it lasting (I never drink the Kool-Aid when it comes to the Broncos). San Diego is starting to recover from those early injuries. Did y’all see Shawne Merriman taking it to Eli last week (sorry, @vthrilla and @sportychic56)? I think the Chargers will be back at the top before the year is out. The Chiefs and Raiders are, well, who we thought they were-pitiful. A moment of silence for my Chiefs…Thank you.
The NFC East is topsy-turvy as always. Cowboys are currently number one, while the Giants continue their skid to number 3. The Eagles are #2, but they are inconsistent at best (I mean, really, losing to the Raiders?). I don’t even want to talk about the Redskins.
So far, I am perfect in the NFC South. I thought the Saints would storm back, but undefeated, I didn’t see that, after all, it’s the Saints. Even with the addition of Tony “I’d rather be naked” Gonzalez, I believed that the Falcons would slip a little this year. I didn’t think Carolina and Tampa would slip so far down this year.
Surprisingly, I’m perfect in The NFC North, as well. The NFC North is once again ruled over by Lord Favre, the only difference, he’s wearing purple instead of green. He laid the smack down twice (laughing all the way) on Green Bay, who has become, well, confusing (SMH, losing to Tampa?). Lovie, what is going on in Chicago? Oh, yeah, Jay Cutler brought his little boy act to Chi-town. I only hope it doesn’t cost Lovie his job. Then, Detroit…yeh. Moving on.
The Arizona Cardinals are still in charge of the AFC West behind the duo of Larry Fitzgerald and Kurt “Father Time” Warner. San Fran is currently at #2, although they don’t really know what to do with they are doing at quarterback. Seattle, SMH, was it really all that long ago that they ruled this division. St. Louis, there are no words. (I think the people of Missouri should petition for a real NFL team or maybe combine the Chiefs and Rams to make one mediocre team).
My Wildcards, I don’t see Jacksonville to make it. Baltimore might not either. Denver and Cincy are going to be tough outs. I still stand by San Diego and New England in the Championship (watch Peyton prove me wrong). I’m still putting San Diego in the Super Bowl, until they prove otherwise.
My NFC Wildcards, well, I think it will be Philly and Atlanta. I can see New Orleans and Minnesota in the NFC Championship game. I don’t see New York, unfortunately, making the playoffs. I also see Favre breaking down before the end. Maybe New Orleans will finally see a Super Bowl…
I’m standing by the Chargers winning it all. Yeah, I said it. We will see when the final whistle blows in February.
Last week, My fantasy teams went 4-0!!! 4-0!! I don’t know how it happened. I don’t think it will happen again, but I am sure celebrating. Here’s how it all went down…

The Merry Mad Men (6-3) v. Eaglescrazy
My Merry Mad Men took on The Rebels of the Hell Raisers League. I came to play with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Ricky Williams, WR-Donald Driver, Mike Wallace, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.
My MadMen are still number one in the division (yes, with a Josh McDaniel’s fist pump). LDT and Ricky Williams didn’t light it up. Donald Driver and Mike Wallace picked them up. But, I didn’t see that Kurt Warner performance coming. Five touchdowns!?!?!? Clearly, Warner was my Player of the Week again pulling in 40 points by himself. My MadMen spanked Eaglescrazy 104-68 past The Rebels 92-87.

Hecate’s HellHounds (4-5) v. the hurricane
The HellHounds have moved into second place in our division. Playoff hopes are starting to disappear. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and LDT, WRs-Nate Burleson, Mike Wallace, Donald Driver, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Kris Brown, DST-San Diego Chargers. Drew, Drew, could you help a sister out? I need you to put up some big points down the stretch. Players of the week were Drew Brees and Ryan Grant each accounting for 15 points. My Hell pups survived the hurricane 92-52.

The Crazy 88’s (5-4) v. devil’s rejects.
The 88’s are tied for last place in our division. SMH… I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Julius Jones and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Reggie Wayne, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Diego Chargers. My Player of the Week was Julius Jones with 16 points. The Crazy 88’s exorcised the devil’s rejects 86-78.

Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez (4-5) v. Team Alkies
Ay, Dios Mio…I just don’t know about this team. I see-saw continues. I lined-up with: QB-Jay “I Hate you so much right now” Cutler, RB-LDT, and Cedric Benson, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh, Mike Wallace, and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. My players of the week were Cutler and Fitzgerald. Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez sent Team Alkies to rehab with a 113-96 victory.
Well, that’s all I’ve got guys. Until next week, kids… As Malcolm Forbes once said, “Victory is sweetest when you've known defeat.” Have a good fantasy week, y’all…