Week four of my fantasy season left me feeling like the Green Bay Packers after Monday Night Football. Let’s see, what happened this week. The Lions started a new losing streak, the Bucs, Chiefs, Rams, and Titans continued their no-winning ways, and the freaking Broncos are undefeated. Pittsburgh beat the Chargers, after Ron Rivera ripped the Defense a new one during the game. Yikes…Then A.J. Smith called the team “soft and bewildered.” Uhm, A. J. did you have any friends in school? Were you abused by jocks and coaches alike? To quote Gollum, “Nobody likes you.” So the defensive team captain (he doesn’t wear the “C,” but we know who the defensive leader is.) took offense. And, so what's your point? I love how people sitting in a suite can call someone soft. I’m soft. I cut my finger cleaning the vent in my classroom. I saw blood, and it took 10 minutes, 2 Diet Dr. Peppers, and a couple of Advil before I even thought about finishing the job (which I didn’t, I gave a student service hours to finish it-Don’t Judge Me!). I don’t call anyone playing with groin injuries and standing in front of a 300lb. offensive line man, soft. My Chiefs, my Chiefs…So, Brett Favre put a boot in the…you know the song. Now, Brett Favre, Imma let you finish, but Jared Allen (former Chief) had the best game, a Ric Flair whooooo! for you sir. Wow, Pack, were y’all star struck? (Aaron Rodgers maybe, he perpetually looks like a deer in headlights). Michael Vick has a reality show. Uhm…yeah. T.O. is T.O. Bye weeks are killing me. They are KILLING me. I just don’t know. My teams are the Rex Grossman of fantasy football. They are Dan Orlovsky. They are Kimbo Slice. They are suspect zero. Exasperated sigh…Let’s see the damage.
The Merry Mad Men (2-2) v. Ballbusterzzzz
My Merry Mad Men went up against Ballbusterzzzz of the Hell Raisers League. My MadMen apparently have been spending time in anger management. I really need to light a fire under them. I submitted the following lineup: QB-D. Garrard, RBs-L. Tomlinson and R. Williams, WR-D. Driver, Johnny Knox, and Reggie Wayne, TE-Vernon Davis, K-Nate Kaeding, D/ST-San Diego Chargers.
This was a revised line up due to bye weeks. David Garrard was a last minute pick up. I was surprised he was still available, but I need someone to take Kurt Warner’s place. Garrard didn’t disappoint, delivering 31 pts. I see more starts in Garrard’s future. I started LDT because he was suppose to be better (uh, no.). After a desperate search to find someone to take Larry Johnson’s place (no, he didn’t have a bye. I benched him for poor production [and the Giants were in town]. If McNabb can be benched, so can LJ.), I found Ricky Williams, who really did not perform that badly bringing in 15 pts. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed with the play of the Chargers. Garrard had more points than my Chargers players combined. Garrard was my player of the week. It will be a mad scramble tomorrow to pick up players to take the place of LDT, my Chargers D, and Nate Kaeding. Despite good performances by Garrard and Williams, the Ballbusterzzzz lived up to their namesakes taking out my MadMen 123-95.
Hecate’s HellHounds (1-3) v. DOOMCREW
I made this statement last week. “The HellHounds are my best team. MY BEST TEAM!!!! Peep my lineup, yo: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Santonio Holmes, Devery Henderson, TE-Owen Daniel, K-Nate Kaeding, DST-San Diego Chargers.” Clearly, I was a tad bit cocky. I started Drew Brees, because he has had the best fantasy stats over the last couple years. Can you remember that Drew? Because David Garrard had 4x as many points as you did last week, homey. Did you even see Devery “I-managed-only-2pts.” Henderson? Owen Daniel is a pretty good Tight End for Houston, but honestly, I just started him because T. Gon was in Miami with the family (Cute kid, Tony, but I was distracted by the six pack you were carrying. I do love board shorts J).
The Players of the Week were the Chargers D/ST with 13 pts. Yet, my Hellhounds played like poodle pups losing to the Doomcrew 86-51.
The Crazy 88’s (2-2) v. Norfolk Blues
I started QB-David Garrard, RBs-Larry Johnson and LaDanian Tomlinson, WRs-Donald Driver, Torry Holt, Reggie Wayne, TE-Jeremy Shockey, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Diego Chargers. You remember last week that I told you that this team is still a little suspect to me. Donovan was still out with a bye. I dropped Byron Leftwich who will not be further mentioned. Started David Garrard for this team as well (I really didn’t think he would perform that well). Jeremy Shockey was my Tony Gonzalez back up (I don’t intend to drop him. I won’t give him the satisfaction of helping another team). The other guus were my regulars. My player of the Week was David Garrard. Reggie Wayne and The Chargers both had 13 points. The Crazy 88s were my only winning team last week beating Norfolk Blues 78-67.
Gonzalez y Gonzalez (1-3) v. Team the Doctor is In
Gonzalez y Gonzalez should be called team disability. This week I played Team the Doctor is In. I like David, but his teams are almost as bad as mine. He drafted Eli Manning in the 2nd round. Well, he got the last laugh this week. I lined-up: QB-Jay Cutler, RB-LaDanian Tomlinson, LenDale White, and Cedric Benson, WR-Justin Gage and T. J. Houshmandzadeh, TE-Jeremy Stevens, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. I am shaking my head at this team. Great players, but my fantasy is a nightmare. Benson, Tomlinson, and White combined for a total of 9 points. LenDale is killing me. Maybe, he should get back on the Tequila. Justin Gage and T. J. Houshmandzadeh were nowhere near the ball. Crybaby Cutler was my Player of the week with 19 points. Team the Doctor is In put Gonzalez y Gonzalez to sleep 77-46.
This week is going to be a trial. One of my teams will be without a kicker. Half of my team has a bye this week. I have to try to find more players to replace them. I’ll let you know how that works out. I don’t see anything good coming from this week except that it gives my Chargers players more time to heal up for the Monday Night Football game against Denver.
Until next week…
Just remember “The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer.” --John Madden. Well said, Coach Madden. Have a good Fantasy Week, Y’all!