Saturday, October 17, 2009

Falcon was Hiding in the Attic, While my Teams were Hiding in the Basement...

Welcome back boys and girls…I’m a little better the week. Week five of fantasy football did not go as badly as 3 and 4. So, what’s up? First up, JaMarcus Russell a quarterback is an insult to anyone who has ever played the position on any level. Now, I enjoyed watching JaMarcus Russell at LSU, and I admit once he went to the NFL, I stopped cheering because he played for the dreaded, uhm, I mean, dreadful Oakland Raiders. If Al Davis were of sound mind (or body for that matter), he would realize that this is a failed experiment. Alas, Crazy Al is sticking with the JaMarcus Russell train which at this point derailed sometime last year and is dragging the rest of the team with it. The Raiders insulted Antonio Pierce and the New York Giants by impersonating an NFL team during their loss to the G-Men. Peyton Manning proved (with little difficulty) that he is the Anti-JaMarcus Russell. He continued to roll over the competition, while Bob Sanders continued his mastery of earning a year’s pay for half a year’s work. Ray Lewis tried to decapitate Chad Ochocinco (a hit that cost Mr. Lewis $25,000). The Chiefs (disguised as the Dallas Texans of the AFL) lost to the Dallas Cowboys in overtime. (Memo to Tony Romo, Ben Roethlisberger, and Matthew Stafford stop it with the damn backwards caps. Grow up and let it go.) Deep breath, release. The Cleveland Browns and the Buffalo Bills played quite frankly one of the worse games to ever be played in NFL History (6-3, yikes!). Rex Ryan announced that he was embarrassed of his team after a loss to the Miami Dolphins. Tom Brady and the Patriots lost to the Broncos in their mustard and chocolate throw-up, e-rum, throwback uniforms. By the way, I haven’t mentioned in a while that I hate, HATE, the Broncos, Raiders and Cowboys. I feel better now. Lions lost, blah-blah, Redskins lost, blah-blah, and Jacksonville lost. The 49ers were embarrassed (along with a ton of fantasy players) by Matt Ryan and the Atlanta Falcons. Most of my fantasy players spent the weekend on the fantasy bench because of bye weeks. Thank goodness.
I want to take a brief moment to go on the defensive, literally. My #1 fantasy defense is the San Diego Chargers D/ST. I know the Chargers are not performing on the level that most people are use to but really. Every time one of these guys says anything, it is front page fodder, especially Merriman. I know some people were under the delusion that he was going to be knocking heads game one. Dude has not played in a year, overcompensated, and pulled his groin (He looks good; He really, really looks good ;). Phillips arm looks like it was shredded by Wolverine, plus he has a calf and groin injury. Jamal Williams is out for the year. Clinton Hart has been kicked to the curb, and Antonio Cromartie, well is he even playing? But, they have stated that they will not use these excuses. They have to “bring their A game” come Monday night. Please boys, Momma is drowning…Throw me a life line. Destroy the Broncos!!
Back to my Fantasy Football Teams. I was 2-2 last week, an improvement over the last few weeks. Most of my bye weeks are over, which I am hoping will improve my chances of making it to the fantasy playoffs. That said, let’s review the damage.
The Merry Mad Men (3-2) v. NK Stallions
My Merry Mad Men went up against NK Stallions of the Hell Raisers League. I submitted took the “field” with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-Ricky Williams and Larry Johnson, WR-Mohamed Massaquoi, Santonio Holmes, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Joe Nedney, DST-San Francisco 49ers.
My MadMen are now above .500, and hopefully they will continue to improve. They are #1 in their division, Yay! I started Ricky Williams, Mohamed Massaquoi, Joe Nedney, and the 49ers D, because my main starters were on the bench. The 49ers were in the 10 ten among defenses, and I felt lucky to get them this late in the game. The week before, they dropped 43 points. This week 4, 4 stinking points. Larry Johnson, SMH…Ricky Williams, however, came through with 13 points and Reggie Wayne with 12. My Player of the Week-Father Time, Kurt Warner with 23 points. The Merry MadMen brought the madness defeating the NK Stallions 71-38.
Hecate’s HellHounds (1-4) v. Beaver Dam Lions
I’ve stated for the last few weeks that on paper The HellHounds are my allegedly my best team. That 1-4 record would beg to differ. Drew Brees, Ryan Grant, Donald Driver, and LDT were all taking a break last week and left me starting these “players?” QB-David Garrard, RBs-Mewelde Moore and Ricky Williams, WRs-Kenny Britt, Santonio Holmes, Nate Burleson, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Francisco 49ers. WTF…This team…sucked…so badly. The Beaver Dam Lions spanked us like Charlie Weis at a Golden Corral Buffett. Nate Burleson, yeah that Nate Burleson, was my player of the week. SMH…They don’t even deserve to be called HellHounds…The Scooby Doos lose to the Beaver Dam Lions 105-57. DMNDS…
The Crazy 88’s (2-3) v. 4th and Goal
I thought my team was on the up-swing with the return of Donovan McNabb. Donovan performed well, but the rest of the team, not so much. I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Larry Johnson and Mewelde Moore, WRs-Jacoby Jones, Torry Holt, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Francisco 49ers. Well, team suspect reared its ugly head again this week. My Player of the Week was Donovan McNabb who returned to drop 31 points. The rest didn’t really bother to show up (Where you at TG?). The Crazy 88’s lost by a quarter to 4th and goal: 100-75.
Gonzalez y Gonzalez (2-3) v. Touch-Down Low
The owner of Touch-Down Low informed me during the draft that he was going quote “kick me like a pit bull puppy.” He came into the game 4-0. I totally expected team Gonzalez y Gonzalez to well lose. I lined-up: QB-Mark Sanchez, RB-Mewelde Moore and Cedric Benson, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh, Mike Wallace and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Francisco 49ers. I picked up Mewelde Moore this week because I thought he could get me a few more points than LDT, especially since LDT was on a bye. I would rather have started The Chargers D, zero is better than what the 49ers defense dropped on me (-3 points). Negatives are only good in golf-Yeah, I’m talking to the 49ers. My players of the week is a resurgent Cedric Benson, T. J. Houshmandzadeh, and Larry Fitzgerald who each brought home 19 points. At least, Tony G. looked good. Gonzalez minus Gonzalez beat Touch-Down Low 85-60(How ya like me now, Thomas?). Heh-Heh.
Well, my D/ST Shawne Merriman and the San Diego Chargers return this week bringing LDT, Drew Brees, Donald Driver and Ryan Grant back with them. Wish me luck! Until next week…
In honor of the 3rd anniversary of one of the great coach rants of all time- “The Bears are what we thought they were. Th-they're what we thought they were. We played them in preseason. I mean, who the hell takes the third game of the preseason like it's bullshit? Bullshit! We played them in the third game, everybody played three quarters... the Bears are who we thought they were! That’s why we took the damn field! Now, *hits microphone* if you want to crown them, then crown their ass! But, they are who we thought they were, and we let them off the hook!” Ladies and Gentlemen, Dennis Green. Have a good fantasy week, y’all…

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