Saturday, October 24, 2009

The 2009 Version of the NFL is filled with Paranormal Activity of the 4th Kind

Welcome back, boys and girls. I love the NFL, but this past week has only shown that it is a topsy-turvy league where sometimes up is down and down is up. Don’t believe me, witness the is paranormal activity. The Titans who were 13-3 last year are 0-6, including a 59-0 beat down by the Patriots, followed by a verbal beat down by Sally Reece, the wife of former GM Floyd Reece. The Raiders, the NFL’s most dysfunctional team, managed to beat the Philadelphia Eagles as their head coach managed to avoid charges of hitting his assistant coach and breaking his jaw. The Chiefs beat the Redskins (I’m still shocked by that fact), and Jim Zorn became the figure head head coach to Sherman Lewis who’s last job was…wait for it…meals on wheels and bingo caller at a senior citizen’s home. Really, Washington, really?
The Buffalo Bills and fantasy owners everywhere put out an all-points-bulletin for Terrell Owens’s talent. The San Diego Chargers were beaten by team dressed as Giant Oompa-Loompa’s (That is a hot mess, Denver). Mark Sanchez is about to find out just how fickle the fans of New York are as his talent seems to have been abducted over the last three weeks. The New Orleans Saints, that’s right I said the New Orleans Saints, treated Eli Manning to a homecoming filled with beads and Southern Hospitality before Drew and the boys (seven different scorers) pulled the rug from under him and his G-men. There use to be a saying that “nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina,” use to be. Then there is the Denver Broncos. Denver, as much as it sickens me to say, has turned into one of the better teams in the league and go into their bye week 6-0, joining New Orleans, Indianapolis, and Minnesota as the last undefeated teams in the league. Cincinnati is tied (but currently holds the tie-breaker) with the Super Bowl champion Steelers. Atlanta is seeking its first back to back winning seasons in team history, and Brett Favre came from behind and blah-blah-blah, Minnesota undefeated.
Yet, for all of the oddity in the NFL some things remain the same. Peyton Manning is still awesome. His teammate Bob Sanders is starting his multi-million dollar part-time job this week. Tom Brady is becoming Tom Brady again. Brett Favre, yada-yada-yada. San Diego is starting slow, again, and has fallen 3.5 games behind the Broncos (wiping the bad taste from my mouth). Jacksonville, Baltimore, Arizona, and Seattle are consistently inconsistent. The Rams, Browns, Bucs, Lions and Chiefs are well the Rams, Browns, Bucs, Lions, and Chiefs. Gotta love parity in the NFL!
So what’s up with my teams? Nothing…Nothing is up. I think this will be year that I may pull a Favre when it comes to fantasy football. I can’t catch a break anywhere. Can’t catch a break!!! I ended last week 1-3. Albeit reluctantly, let’s survey the damage.
The Merry Mad Men (4-2) v. steelerdan
My Merry Mad Men went up against steelerdan of the Hell Raisers League. I took the “field” with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Larry Johnson, WR-Donald Driver, Santonio Holmes, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.
My MadMen are now two games above .500, and I still holding on to first place in my division. hopefully they will continue to improve. They are #1 in their division, Yay! Larry Johnson and LDT posted their best numbers of the year (though sadly not double digits). The Chargers didn’t bring their A, B, or C game last week. Nate Keading had more points than the Chargers D/ST who gave up not one but two returns for touchdowns. My wide receivers basically had the same amount of points. I started Mike Wallace to replace Reggie Wayne (thank goodness the bye is over). TG returned with 11 points in the Falcon victory over the bears. My Player of the Week was, once again, Father Time, Kurt Warner with 19 points. The Merry MadMen were able to stumble to the finish line defeating steelerdan 96-85.
Hecate’s HellHounds (1-5) v. Twisted Sister
This team has had the most unbelievable bad luck. I made the mistake of saying that this was the best team I’ve fielded. This team is the Tennessee Titans of my fantasy teams. Oddly with one of the best quarterbacks. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and Mike Bell, WRs-Mike Wallace, Santonio Holmes, Nate Burleson, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. This team…sucked…so badly. I just don’t know… Lindell, Holmes and Grant all had 10 points. Gonzalez had 11. My player of the week was Drew Brees and his 38 point performance. Unfortunately, the HellHounds had to compete against Tom “I got 51 points by myself” Brady. The Scrappy Doos join my Chiefs at 1-5 as they lose to Twisted Sister 126-106.
The Crazy 88’s (2-4) v. hotshot67
I thought my team was on the up-swing with the return of Donovan McNabb. Wrong! (In Charlie Murphy Voice). I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Larry Johnson and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Torry Holt, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Diego Chargers. Well, the Crazy 88’s lived up to their namesakes (see the movie Kill Bill: Volume 1) and were slaughtered. My Player of the Week was Tony Gonzalez who returned with 11 points. The Crazy 88’s were massacred by a bride named hotshot67 by a final score of 132-74. Wasn’t even worth the effort.
Gonzalez y Gonzalez (2-4) v. Team Abuhakmeh
Team Abuhakmeh (that’s his real last name) is owned by one of my former students. He has taken pleasure in mocking me during our last four years of our fantasy football league. Sunday was his birthday. So, I decided to leave him a message via Facebook containing a happy birthday and a little smack talk. Big Mistake. When the games started, I was too busy laughing. Why you ask? Well, Birthday boy was too busy to set his line-up. He was missing a running back, a wide receiver, and a tight end. He was ripe for the picking. WRONG!! WRONG!! His quarterback was Tom Brady. I absolutely hate Tom Brady. I lined-up: QB-Jay Cutler, RB-Darren Sproles and Cedric Benson, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh, Mike Wallace and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. This league is a wash. I’m never going to win a Championship in this league. I am the Tony Gonzalez of this league. Jay “Jake Harper” Cutler was my player of the week with 19 pouting points. TG and Larry Fitzgerald had good hands (and looks) as usual. Gonzalez minus un Gonzalez lose to Team Abuhakmeh 97-85. Happy Freaking Birthday, Joe. Try not to be smug about it.
Dear Shawne Merriman,
I know that it is tough playing with the injuries you have had over the last few weeks, but this week you play my Chiefs. You have 6 sacks in 6 career games against the Chiefs. The cure for all sack woes is a trip to Arrowhead against my beloved Chiefs and their Swiss cheese offensive line. Try not to kill Cassel in your anger. He is worth 60 million dollars, not really, but that’s what we are paying him. Finally, out of respect to the great Derrick Thomas, the Chiefs have to come to San Diego. Try not to break Derrick’s sack record until the Chiefs get to Qualcomm, okay. Thanks.
Your fan and fantasy team owner, DianaDishes
P. S. I love the new hair cut.
This week I was asked to be a twitter girlfriend. Rob @AtypicalSports, I accept and will be your Twitter girlfriend. By the way, you guys should give Rob and Ki at The Atypical Sports show some love at Until next week kiddos… As the Great Vince Lombardi said, “If you can accept losing, you can't win. Have a good fantasy week, y’all…

1 comment:

  1. it is pretty freaky out there this season but i will continue to watch just to see how it ends.