Sunday, November 22, 2009

It’s the Twilight of the Fantasy Season. Who do you chose: Team Peyton or Team Drew?

Welcome Back, Ladies and Gents. It’s crunch time in the fantasy world. While the NFL Playoff season doesn’t begin until January, fantasy players only have three weeks to get their affairs in order. So what’s up in the NFL world? Rex Ryan cried in front of his football team. The guru Bill Belichick is being crucified (I laugh only because I don’t like him) for his fourth and two play against Peyton Manning and the Colts, who *gasp* won again. Kyle Orton is hurt, Michael Turner is hurt, Troy Polomalu is hurt; so is Albert Haynesworth, Brian Westbrook, Cedric Benson, and Jerious Norwood. There are some Fantasy owners doing a Nancy Kerrigan “Why?” cry right about now. Include me in that list. Former Chief Larry Johnson became a Cincinnati Bengal. Dick Jauron was *gasp* fired (can’t say I was shocked or cared). Speaking of the Bills, Titans owner’s Bud Adams was fined $250,000 for repeatedly reminding the Bills fans that his last place Titans were Number One. The Ravens beat the Browns on a Monday Night Football game that only Ravens and Browns fans watched. I assumed they won. I didn’t watch the game; if I wanted to watch paint dry, I would actually, well paint. The Broncos lost Kyle Orton, then their dignity as they lost to the Washington Redskins. My Chiefs finally won game number two (then, Dwayne Bowe was suspended for 4 games for diuretics), but my game of the week was Dallas at Green Bay. Now, I don’t like either of these teams, and I was terribly upset that I was all but forced to watch it. It was so amusing watching America’s Team lose to a team that was beaten the week before by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I’m a hater…I admit… Oh, yeah, Peyton, Drew, and Favre won. I know, I, too, was shocked by that news.

Then, surprise, surprise. Ms. Alcoholic Beverage filed a lawsuit against Shawne Merriman, had a Britney meltdown and then accused him of practically every crime she and her brain (I assume) could imagine, including questioning black people for supporting him because he doesn’t date black girls. Excuse me, I don’t care who or what he dates for that matter and long as he performs on the field. It’s not like I’ll ever date him. We support him because your account sounds like a bad episode of some CW drama. Hey, Mr. Rock, come get your girl. She was due to crawl back under you about two years ago. I am so sick of these “women.” Seriously, I understand that there have been girls who have been assaulted by athletes. I am heartedly sympathetic to these girls. It is girls like her (and I refuse to use that sham of a name) who make it difficult for the real victims to come forward. I’m not completely taking Merriman off the hook, after all, he did take her home, but I truly hope he takes a play from Big Ben and countersues. Gentlemen, do us all stop put a C and an L before it. Remember, Class before…well you fill in the blank.

The week before my fantasy teams went 4-0. This past week: 1-3. To quote the quote master, Jim Mora, himself, "You just never know. You think you know, but you don't. And you never will." This has been an up and down year with more downs than ups. Here’s the whole mess…

The Merry Mad Men (6-4) v. bucs

My Merry Mad Men took on The Rebels of the Hell Raisers League. I came to play with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Ricky Williams, WR-Donald Driver, Mike Wallace, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.

Good news: my MadMen are still number one in the division. Bad news: 4 losses, Yikes! LDT finally showed some fire and turned in a 21 point performance. Congratulations to the Tomlinsons who are expecting their first baby. God Bless! Kurt Warner was once again my Player of the Week again pulling in 25 points by himself, but the MadMen went down swinging losing to the bucs 111-105.

Hecate’s HellHounds (4-6) v. Den Destroyers

The HellHounds are dropping faster than Lamar Odom’s IQ. Playoff hopes are just about gone. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and Ricky Williams, WRs-Deverey Henderson, Mike Wallace, Donald Driver, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Olindo Mare, DST-San Diego Chargers. Drew was my player of the week with 16 points. Drew, really? Help a sister out! My Hell pups survived the hurricane 92-52.

The Crazy 88’s (6-4) v. G Dogs

The 88’s are tied for last place in our division. SMH… I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Julius Jones and Fred Jackson, WRs-Donald Driver, Reggie Wayne, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. Donovan McNabb and the Eagles lost to the San Diego Chargers, but his 28 points made him my Player of the Week. The Crazy 88’s was my only winner of the week beating the G Dogs 97-43.

Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez (4-6) v. The Beast Unleashed

Whatever…I’ve practically had it with this team. I lined-up with: QB-Jay “I hate myself for drafting you” Cutler, RB-LDT, and Cedric Benson, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh, Mike Wallace, and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. My player of the week was LDT. The Beast Unleashed opened up a can of whoop a** on Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez 105-79. That’s all I’ve got to say about that.

Well, that’s all I’ve got guys. Until next week, kids… I end with Jim Mora’s most famous rant, "Playoffs?! Don't talk about playoffs! Are you kidding me? Playoffs? I'm just hoping we can win another game!" Have a good fantasy week, y’all…

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