Happy Thanksgiving!!!-Here's the Turkey!!

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!!! Ah, Thanksgiving...the day we sit down with our families, show our thanks for the years blessings, eat until our pants pop, while watching NFL games. Yes...that is my idea of a good day.

Of course, the star of the Thanksgiving meal is...The turkey...We may have turkey at other times of the year, but there is something extra special about that Thanksgiving bird...But, there is that other kind of turkey. You remember that turkey...LaMont and Rollo used to always comment on that particular turkey. This year, there have been a number of Turkeys in the NFL, here are my 10 turkeys in no particular order...

Randy Moss-This guy has played for three...count 'em Three different teams this year. It seems everywhere he goes chaos falls, even if it's not his fault. He's like Eugene from Hey Arnold!, a jinx. Plus he dissed the craft services guy...don't insult people who make your food, Randy...

Wade Phillips-The portly former Cowboys coach who was marching America's team to oblivion. (heh-heh-heh). Well, instead of marching the sidelines this Thanksgiving, Wade will be able to watch his replacement Jason Garrett, as Wade drowns his sorrows in gravy.

Brad Childress-I will admit, I've never been fond of Brad, mostly because of his creeper style voice. He quickly lost control of his team. Traveling to Mississippi to wrangle Brett Favre again, then making snide comments about Brett, trading for then releasing Randy Moss in the span of 3 weeks, and losing his team before finally losing his job.

Vince Young-Professed that he had grown up and that he was going to be responsible now. Well, that all ended Sunday. First, he screwed up his hand, then he tossed his jersey and pads into the stands, and he capped it off by storming out of the lockerroom without speaking to his coach. He's sorry now as he has been put on IR and locked out of the facility...

Terrell Owens-This guy has never met a microphone he didn't love. He has insulted Donovan McNabb, Derrelle Revis, and Ben Roethlisberger in the span on two weeks. In addition to a reality show, he and teammate/BFF/fellow Narcissus Chad Ochocinco have the T.Ocho Show, which I'm thankful for not being to see. Meanwhile, he may be having a good year, but the only way the Bengals are going to the Super Bowl is if they buy tickets.

Mike Shanahan-I wanted to put Ben Roethlisberger, because I just don't like him...no other reason. (Thank you, Richard Seymour...it was a cheap shot, but I'm looking the other way...this time.) Mike Shanahan, however, has helped to make the Redskins even more ridiculous. From the Haynesworth debacle to benching Donovan McNabb (then giving him an extension) to the mustard colored unis, and let's not forget that ridiculous tan.

The Carolina Panthers-Y'all, remember they were in the Super Bowl just 7 years ago. NFC South Champs just two years ago...They suffer from injuries to their running backs, can't keep a quarterback, and poor Steve Smith...

The Cincinnati Bengals-Went from last year's cardiac cats to the Bungles of old. Carson is falling apart, Marvin is falling apart, T. O. is T. O., and Chad OchoCinco is on some other planet. This team is going no where fast.

Mike Singletary-Last year, we gave you the benefit of the doubt. Many of us, including me, figured the 49ers were poised to take the NFC West. Boy were we wrong. The 49ers are now tied for last with Arizona and behind St. Louis. BEHIND ST. LOUIS...if I were you dude, I'd be firing up that resume right about now.

Brett Favre-Where do we start with Lord Lorenzo. First, he had to be brought to Minnesota in spetacular fashion after having a slumber party with three of his teammates who flew down to "beg" him to come back. Then, there was the sexting fiasco with Jenn Sterger, and the possible flashing via cell phone. He has had numerous injuries which have affected his effectiveness this year. Now, he has assisted in costing yet another coach his job (see Eric Mangini who also has the dubious honor of having a kid named after Brett). Plus, he has spent the last few weeks "leaning toward retirement." Yes, Brett, you are my Turkey of the year.

Well, there is the turkey, now here is the gravy...My picks for the day...

New England @ Detroit: New England...I wish I could chose the Lions, but alas, no...

New Orleans @ Dallas: New Orleans...

Cincinnati @ New York Jets: New York Jets

Until next time, "God bless us all, and make us able, To eat all the food that's on this table!" Y'all have a great Thanksgiving!!!

Hey Ma! I'm on TV!-Picks from a Maniac Maenad Week 10

Welcome back, everybody! It's week 10 of the NFL season, and the NFL Week is already off and running. Did you guys watch the pre-game extravaganza before the Thursday night game? Yeah, me either. I was also not that fond of Joe Theismann, Matt Millen, and Bob Papa trio in the booth. Yikes, and here I thought it was torture listening to Joe Buck every Sunday. Any hoo, the Atlanta Falcons and the Baltimore Ravens eventually took the field with the Falcons winning 26-21. I was rooting for neither although I had fantasy players on both sides. (Dear Matt Ryan, could you help a sister out and more than occasionally throw a TD TG's way? Y'all are killing me!!!)

As I was drifting in and out of that game Thursday (I still haven't gotten use to this time), I thought I would have a little fun this week. NFL players love to have their time on TV. Case in point, Tony Gonzalez's appearance on One Tree Hill. No, I didn't see it, mostly because I hate One Tree Hill. I started looking at the different teams in the NFL, and because I'm apparently bored, I started putting TV titles to some of this years NFL stories.

Everybody Hates Brad-Apparently, Hell has a new location called Minneapolis, and Brad Childress has been labeled Lucifer. Watch the hilarity ensue as players insult the caters! Anonymous players declare they will win in spite of the coach. The Quarterback gets busted sexting and tries to convince the public and his wife that those naughty pictures are his, as his wide receiving corps rotates injuries from migraines to hips.

The Walking Dead: A new series that revolves around the plight of survivors in three cities as they try to avoid the walking dead. The series originally starred Wade Phillips, Mike Singletary, and Chan Gailey as the leader of the survivors in their respective cities of Dallas, San Francisco, and Buffalo, but after poor ratings, one of the executive producers Jerry Jones, fired Phillips and replaced him with upstart Jason Garrett who will try to lead the Dallas survivors victory. Guest star Shawne Merriman has already succumbed by merely stepping on the practice field.

Haley and Mangini's Believe it or Not: Todd Haley and his fearless sidekicks Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel take you to places throughout the country to reveal unbelievable feats like maintaining a lead in the AFC West, constantly going for it on fourth down, driving the collective blood pressures of their fans to astronomical highs and lows in the same quarter. I'm not allowed to watch or listen anymore, due to high superstitions, and the fact that every time I watch/listen something bad happens. Meanwhile, Eric Mangini and his Browns continue to spank teams they have no business beating.

The Amazing Race: The NFC South edition watch each week as one of these teams overcome roadblocks and detour on their way to the pit stop at the top of the NFC South. Currently, the Atlanta Falcons are coming in first every week, but the New Orleans Saints and Tampa Bay Buccaneers are having stronger showings every week. Will the Super Bowl Champs return to form with the return of Reggie Bush, Pierre Thomas, and Darren Sharper? Will Drew Brees knee hold up? Will the parvenu Tampa Bay Buccaneers and their fired up coach Raheem Morris bounce back from their week 9 loss at the "Matt" to the Falcons? Who will win?

Psych: Every week Jim Caldwell pretends that he is the head coach of the Indianapolis Colts. He raises his play card to his mouth and talks into a headset that isn't actually plugged in while Peyton Manning continues to be, well Peyton Manning, the man who finds a way to win with anybody in a blue and white uniform.

Rescue Me: Starring Steve Smith, Donovan McNabb, Marvin Lewis, and the Carolina Panthers. It really needs no explanation.

$#*! My Coach Says: Each week the New York Jets players try to find a way to one up the outrageous antics of their coach Rex Ryan. From heckling a reporter to calling each other out on Twitter, this team constantly tries to find ways to out"wit" their feisty coach. This week finds Rex playing his twin brother Rob during a press conference.

Well, I think it is time for me to throw in the towel on two of my fantasy teams.

• Hecates's HellHounds of the League of Champions league: 6-3 (Slipped again.)
  
• Kansas City Chiefs of the Dynasty Orginization League: 4-5 (on a two game win streak which will come to an end because I forgot about the game on Thursday)
  
• Runtelldat Homeboys of the Big Easy League: 2-7 (The fat lady is practicing her scales.)
  
• The Cromartie Eight of the Football Fist Pump League: 4-5 (Trying to make it to .500.)
  
• Matching Mugshots of the Atypical Sports Show League: 2-7 (There are no words.)

Well, last week I didn't fair too badly. I went a sound 9-4, bringing my picks record to 66-48.
Let's see how this week goes.

Detroit Lions at Buffalo Bills: Buffalo

Minnesota Vikings vs. Chicago Bears: Chicago

NY Jets at Cleveland Browns: New York Jets

Tennessee Titans at Miami Dolphins: Tennessee

Cincinnati Bengals at Indianapolis Colts: Indianapolis

Houston Texans at Jacksonville Jaguars: Houston

Carolina Panthers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Tampa Bay

Kansas City Chiefs at Denver Broncos: Kansas City

Seattle Seahawks at Arizona Cardinals: Arizona

Dallas Cowboys at NY Giants: New York Giants

St. Louis Rams at San Francisco 49ers: St. Louis Rams

New England Patriots at Pittsburgh Steelers: Pittsburgh

Monday Night Football: Philadelphia Eagles at Washington Redskins: Philadelphia

Until next week, “If you’ll not settle for anything less than your best, you will be amazed at what you can accomplish in your lives.” -Vince Lombardi