Friday, June 26, 2009

To the Ladies...

Today, I am going to talk about ladies and fantasy football. Let's be real for a moment shall we. There are those girls who watch football because of the hot guys. That's cool. There are those girls who watch football only because their husband or boyfriend watches. Whatever. Then, there are those women who watch football because they love the game, admire the athleticism, and genuinely enjoy watching someone bring the pain every Sunday. That would be me.

Don't get me wrong I recognize the handsome fellows who play the game. I'm not blind, but let's face it, just because a dude is cute does not mean he is going to deliver the knock out blow to the fools in my league. (Sorry, I am preparing my trash talk.)

So, ladies, while I don't usually offer advice, I'm going to give some anyway:

  1. Ladies, don't join a league because your boyfriend is in it. It's all fun in games until you beat him, and yes, he will be mad if you beat him. He will pretend he isn't, but he is.
  2. Don't plan other pointless activities if your boyfriend is in a league or during football season for that matter. Let it go. Nothing is worse than a needy woman who interrupts the damn game to talk about her feelings, or plans dinner with the parents on his draft day. Talk about your feelings on Tuesday afternoon (Tuesday morning is for checking final scores), Wednesday, Friday, and some Thursdays. Saturday, Sunday, and Monday is Football. Deal with it. Same goes to those sensitive men who don't like football. I won't bother you during Masterpiece Theatre, so don't bother me during Monday Night Football.
  3. Ladies, if your are going to play fantasy football. Play for real. Don't put your team in pink uniforms, no one, and I mean, no one will take you seriously. I played another lady last year, and my single goal was to systematically dismantle her team because she chose pink team colors. You disgust me, lady. You don't have to put a skull or flame on the side of your team helmet, but you better not put a pink letter. By the way, spanked her every time we played.
  4. Ladies, do not pick players for the following reasons: Oooo, what a cute uniform! Oooo, he's cute! They will not get you points, and other members of the league will be forced to laugh at you. You may get lucky once, but that will be about it.

Now, just for fun, I will give you ten good looking guys who will get you points in the world of fantasy. They are in no particular order and by position. By the way, do take the time to learn what each position does and how it contributes to the team.


Tom Brady-New England Patriots: Okay, he's not my speed, but I am told that he is a good looking guy. Whatever. He was injured during the first game of the season when he injured his knee. He also developed a staph infection in the same knee. That said, in 2007, Brady was a fantasy big shot. He threw for 4806 yards and 50 touchdowns with only 8 interceptions. Don't expect the 50 touchdowns, but all of his other numbers should be about the same unless the mind plays tricks on him. Plus, he is throwing to Randy Moss and Wes Welker.

Drew Brees-New Orleans Saints-Not only is Brees cute, he delivers on the field as well. In 2008, Brees threw for 5,069 yards and 34 touchdowns, but he also threw 17 interceptions (which will cost you points). Even so he finished the fantasy football season as the number one quarterback in most leagues and is projected to finish near the top this year.

Running Backs

LaDanian Tomlinson-San Diego Chargers: I am biased when it comes to LT. You can't help, but love that smile. He was hurt last year, but he swears he's better this year. Even so, LT had 1110 rushing yards last year with 11 rushing TDs. He also had 426 recieving yards with 1 touchdown. Not bad for an off year. LT is still a top 10 running back (#1 if by looks alone).

Adrian Peterson-Minnesota Vikings: Another cutie, but he is a fantasy demon (he alone beat one of my teams last year). He finished one or two in most leagues last year. He finished the year with 1760 rushing yards and ten rushing touchdowns. He also had 125 receiving yards. He is projected to finish #1 this year. He should get plenty of touches considering his quarterback situation in Minnesota

Wide Receivers

Larry Fitzgerald-Arizona Cardinals: Normally, not for the long hair, but the dreads work for Mr. Fitzgerald. He is a part of one of, if not the best, wide receiver tandems in the league with Anquan Boldin. Fitzgerald finished the season last year with 1431 yards and 12 touchdowns and an appearance in the Super Bowl. Not bad, not bad at all. He finished #1 in practically every league last year and is projected to be top five this year.

Vincent Jackson-San Diego Chargers: Very cute and quite productive. Don't get me wrong, he is by no means a top ten receiver. Face it, the top receiver for the Chargers is usually TE Antonio Gates. Jackson benefitted from Gates' injury last year. Jackson is a top twenty receiver and will probably not be swept up until probably the 4th round. But, if we are going just on looks, you can't go wrong with Vincent Jackson. He finished the season with 1098 yards and seven touchdowns. He even tacked on 69 rushing yards. But beware, he may have to serve a suspension at some point in the season because of an offseason DUI (That bothered me, and I am wavering on VJ, but this is about looks anyway).

Tight Ends

Tony Gonzalez-Atlanta Falcons: First and foremost, it sucks having to say that Tony Gonzalez is an Atlanta Falcon. Now, I will admit I thought Tony was cute when he played for Cal so it was awesome that he was drafted by my favorite team. Not only is Tony the best looking Tight End in the league, he is the best to ever play the position (please don't send letters about Kellen Winslow, Sr., John Mackey, and Mike Ditka. I know how great they were, and I still would take Tony.). He holds practically every record available to tight ends including, touchdowns and receptions. He was the #1 fantasy tight end last season finishing with 1058 yards and 10 touchdowns. He was thrown to by three different quarterbacks last year. This year, he will be the target of Matty Ice, Matt Ryan, and he is projected to finish any where from 1st to 5th this season.

Antonio Gates-San Diego Chargers: The second best tight end, ha-ha. He is the best in the AFC, now that Gonzalez is in the NFC (which sucks for K2, Shockey, Whitten and Cooley). Actually, Gonzalez and Gates were 1 and 2 for a while, but Antonio has been dealing with injuries the last couple of years. That said, Antonio Gates finished as the 3rd or 4th fantasy tight end in most leagues last year with 704 yards and 8 touchdowns. He is projected to finish anywhere from 1st to 5th this year.


Most leagues pick an entire defense from a team or two. Some leagues pick individual defensive players. Make sure you know which rules your league is following. That said, two hottest and productive defensive players...

Shawne Merriman-Outside Linebacker San Diego Chargers: I know that I am picking a lot of Chargers, but they are the AFC West champs. Merriman only played one game last season before having surgery to repair a torn PCL and LCL (Merry Christmas, Tennessee). Prior to the injury, Merriman led the league with 39.5 sacks over the first three years of his career. After a year on the sideline, I think Merriman is due to return to his All Pro and Pro Bowl form and vault the Chargers back among the elite defenses. He will be terrorizing quarterbacks well into the playoffs and look good doing it!

Jason Taylor-Defensive End Miami Dolphins: Last year was an off season for this former Dancing with the Stars hottie. He had a calf injury, and he only registered 29 total tackles and 3.5 sacks a dip from the 11 sacks of the year before. I also don't think that Taylor was ever really happy in Washington. He seems happier this year and is back in Miami with Joey Porter. If he stays healthy, expect Taylor to have a good year.

I don't look at kickers. I just pick the highest one left. They shift from year to year anyway. So, girls if you have to pick a hottie for your team here are some good looking guys who also tear up the field. Next week, I will spend time truly evaluating the fantasy positions based on actual skills rather than looks.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Why so Serious?

I admit. I had high hopes when I began this blog. I wanted to make a statement. I wanted to put all of my opinions on everything here for everyone to read-Whether they agreed with me or not. Then, I realized somthing. I was often angrier after I wrote the message. I needed an outlet. I wanted to do something fun. As a teacher, I face so many problems everyday. I often come home so wound up that I can't sleep. So, this blog is going to change. I am not going to rant as often. As a matter of fact, I going to try not to rant at all.

Three years ago, several of my students decided that they wanted to start a fantasy football league. They needed one more person to join. Since they were not betting any money, and it was all for fun, I joined their league. I had grown up a football fan, and I thought I knew enough about football to get me throught the year. Boy, was I wrong.

My first mistake was choosing players I liked, i.e. Tony Gonzalez. To say that threw off the dynamics of the entire team was an understatement. My homerism was killing my team. I finished the season next to last. We had so much fun, that we expanded into fantasy baseball. Most of us had lost interest by July. I placed third in the league without changing my roster for one month.

The next year I had three fantasy football teams. One with my now former students, and two others. Once again, my students beat me. I was last place. But in my other leagues, I was second and third. So, I was not entirely stupid when it came to picking a winning team.

This past year, we had two leagues, but I had five teams. I won two championships (in one league I was the only girl). I placed second in another (lost the championship by 1 point). With my boys, next to last and last. I just can't seem to beat them!

So, here's my blog's new goal. I am going to document my year as a fantasy football team owner. I know a lot of people consider us nerds. Well, I am. Some football fans hate us because we root for players on other teams. Yes, we do. But, I have some steadfast rules.

  1. I do not draft Raiders, Broncos, or Cowboys. Why? Because I hate those teams. No other reason.
  2. Unless absolutely necessary, I do not play opponents against my favorite teams. For example, I lost big points because I refused to play my San Diego Chargers Defense against Tony Gonzalez and Larry Johnson. I think Merriman had three sacks in that game, and the Chiefs lost.
  3. I try to have at least one player from my favorite teams on my fantasy team. Try. It's going to be difficult to find a player from either the Chiefs or the Niners to place on my team this year.
  4. Yes, I have more than one team. Sue me. The drafts take the longest. It takes about 15 minutes to set my line ups. But, I will not have more than three this year.
  5. Have fun!!!!! It's fantasy!!! Hello! But, I still PLAY TO WIN THE GAME (thanks Coach Edwards).

So, Diana Dishes will now dish on my year as a fantasy football owner. I will not give you advice about your team. I just want to give a little insight about mine. My scouting during the pre-season. The anxiety during the draft. The impatient waiting for Tuesday morning final scores.

So, let the games begin!!!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The Reality of Reality

I love television. There, I said. Love it, Love it, Looove it! I have been addicted from the first day that I was able to recognize the shapes and colors on Sesame Street. I could not wait to get home and munch as I watched The Facts of Life, The Cosby Show, St. Elswhere, Magnum P.I., okay, I'm dating myself, but you get the point. One of the worse thing that has happened to TV is the emergence of the reality show. Now most of us believed that reality TV is something of a recent phenomenon, but according to WikiAnswers the first was The Ozzie and Harriet Show, which is more than appropriate for what I'm about to say.

There is only so much reality that I need. I admit I am a fan of some shows. The Amazing Race, Hard Knocks, and I even like Operation Repo. Yet, there is a brand of reality that I am not fond of-the I-had-a-ton-of-kids-so-look-at-me reality show. There is Jon and Kate Plus Eight, 18 Kids and Counting, Table for 12, Raising Sextuplets, etc. Now, comes the announcement that "Octo-mom" Nadya Suleman has finally gotten a reality show. Well, congratulations Nadya, you get to exploit your children a little more.

Most of these shows are on TLC. I use to love TLC. The Learning Channel. So, TLC, what have I learned? I have learned that if I have a astronomically large number of children, I can get a TV show. I can exploit my children for wardrobe, help in my expenses, book tours, travel, and the only talent I have to have is one that almost every woman in the world has-to have a baby. It wasn't enough that you were showing families having babies. Now, we get to follow the lives of these families.

Jon and Kate-if that's not a trainwreck, I don't know what is. I have never actually watched an episode of this show, just clips. From those clips, as well as the commercials that are shown ad naeseum, she is obnoxious, and he looks as if he can't believe that he is a part of this mess. He appears to wish that someone would put him out of his misery. Sure the kids don't really get it, but they will be able to see these shows later. How embarrassing it must be to see this story unfurl before the world.

The other families, once again simply relying on commercials, seem rather normal. As normal as a family can be that is making money off their ability to produce an abnormal amount of kids. Why are these shows so popular? Now, WE brings in Raising Sextuplets, and then, enter Nadya Suleman the biggest freak of all. This woman has it all, I guess. This woman has parlayed a single pregnancy into a payday. She has moved into a furnished 1/2 million dollar house with her 14 children. 14 CHILDREN!!!! Are you kidding me? She should not be rewarded for this. As a matter of fact, I don't think those children should even be with her. How much time can she legitimately devote to these children between the sheer number of kids, press conferences, book deals, whatever.

Do us a favor networks. Stop this. This can not be good for these children. Exposing everything they do to the entire world. How many of us would like our uh-uhs and boo-boos exposed to the world? Children have a hard enough time adjusting in the real world. How well adjusted could these children possibly be? I wish them all the best. Good luck and God Bless. As for me, I won't be rubber-necking these car wrecks.