Somedays...I Would Like to Shoot my TV...and other Random Thoughts

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." Martin Luther King Jr

I'm taking a minute away from my normal diatribe about my life as a fantasy football owner to talk about a subject that has dominated the airwaves for the last two weeks-The Tiger Woods Saga. It all started innocuously enough. Most of us had that momentary heart skip a beat when we heard that Tiger Woods was in serious condition after a car accident. "Oh, no," most of us thought, "I hope Tiger is okay." After a summer of people the world has come to know and love leaving us, it was a rational idea. That is until we heard that the accident had happened in the wee hours of the morning (like grandma said, nothing good ever happens after midnight). Then, we hear about unusual scratches, alleged arguments, broken out back windows, golf clubs, and of course, we became interested. Why? Because we are a country that thrives on "reality" shows, we grew up with The Maury Povich Show (Joe, you are not the father), cut our teeth on Jerry Springer (Jerry, Jerry, Jerry), read tabloids as we check our groceries (Branelina adopts #3), because we like to know that there is somebody's life out there who is more interesting and jacked-up than mine.

We are the reasons these trainwreck shows, The Girls Next Door, Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, The Hills, The Real World, Cheaters, Frankie and Neffe, Tiny and Toya, Bravos Housewives, Keeping up with the Kardashians, etc. are all still on the air. (Most of these people, to quote Ulysses Everett McGill, "are just dumber than a bag of hammers!") I'll be honest with you. I don't really watch these shows. What I know about them comes from Joel McHale making fun of them on The Soup or Chelsea Handler on Chelsea Lately. Just watching the commercials makes me want to take a shower, and they have the same affect on my intellect as driving my head through a wall. America, however, wanted more. It wasn't just the tabloids anymore. It was ESPN (who shouldn't be casting any stones), CNN, Dateline, 20/20, Today...Blah-Blah-Blah.

Over the course of the last two weeks, everyone everywhere has been giving there opinions on the whole Tiger drama. So, since this is my blog. I'm going to share mine. There were just some statements that, to speak the venacular, hit me in the wrong way. I would like to take the moment to address a few of these comments.

#1-"Why are we surprised? He's just a man. He's a handsome, rich, athlete, why wouldn't he?" Guys, you should be insulted by this comment, because it is a cop out. It is an excuse. That's like saying to a fat kid that its okay for him to eat a dozen Krispy Cremes, cause he's a fat kid. Okay, well it's an apples to oranges comparison, but you get my point. So, let me get this straight. As long as he did not "physically" hurt his wife, kept her in a nice house, and kept her wearing the best clothes while driving their kids in the best car, it's alright for him to have as many affairs as he wants to? If he wasn't rich and athletic, would we feel the same way? What if he were your child's high school science teacher, would you still feel the same? I doubt it. He could have physically hurt her, as well as, his children with STD's. She's blessed, as far as we know, not to have that issue. Golf is one of the few sports that rely on the golfers to tell the truth about their actions on the course. They have score cards that they themselves fill out, and they are suppose to be honest and truthful. As a husband or a wife (ladies, I'm not excluding you either), you make the same commitment. You are suppose to love, honor and cherish your partner. If you are not ready to fulfill those obligations, you should not get married. Being a player hasn't hurt Derek Jeter's image, why not? Because HE IS SINGLE! He hasn't committed himself to one woman. He can date as many girls as he wants because he is not MARRIED. If you want a buffet of ladies, don't get married. If he had honored his marriage vows the way he honored his PGA card, Nike, or GM deals, none of this would have happened to him.

#2-"Why does he only date white women? Why weren't any of the girls Black?" Wh-wh-what? First of all, black people let it go. Tiger is mostly Asian. I don't see Asian people offended, by the fact that he didn't "hook up" with Asian girls either. Some people just have a preference. I prefer black clothes. So what... Get over it. This guy knows who he is. He celebrates his "individuality," so much so that he gave it his own name. Big deal. Did you miss the fact that he cheated on his wife, with an unknown number of women (We don't know the exact number. We just know that he says he had transgressions. As an English major, by adding the "s" and making it plural, we assume that he had more than one.). He admitted his infidelity, and you concern yourself with what shade the women are? Shaq allegedly cheated with black women does that make it better for you? It doesn't for me. I'm pretty sure his wife isn't considering the shade of skin tone either.

#3-"Tiger Woods was set up by "The Man" who doesn't want to see a "brother" succeed." Really..."The Man"...Really? What is this 1970? While Tiger's libido may resemble one of the swingers of the 70's, are we really going to go there? When did this turn into I'm Gonna Git You Sucka? "The Man" made Tiger swing his driver and polish his balls. C'mon, really? Blaming "The Man" is like blaming "The Devil" for your transgressions. Neither can make you do anything that you yourself aren't willing to do anyway. I don't care if "the man" had naked women swinging from Tiger's chandelier; Tiger made the choice to partake in the naughty buffet, and like a fat man on a diet at Golden Corral, he was "weak" and succumbed. Period, end of discussion. Tiger can blame no one but Tiger.

#4-"He's a busta for letting people chase him off the course. I ain't letting no body keep me from my job for this." Uhm, folks, Tiger literally never has to work another day in his life, unless he wants to, and unless he goes all Nicholas Cage or Mike Tyson with his money, he will be okay. That said. In my profession, I can tell you that there is a about a 95% chance that I would not be able to keep my job, and I don't make millions or hundreds of thousands of dollars. Tiger makes more swigging G2 than I will in my entire life time. If he had concentrated on his relationship like he does making the final cut, this wouldn't have happened. If he had spent as many hours working on his relationship as he did getting ready for the Masters, this wouldn't have happened. Just like the petulant young man on the golf course who gets fans thrown out for taking a picture of his swing, Tiger is use to having things his way. Things have now spiralled out of his control, and he feels like he needs to gain control of it. How pray tell can he do that on the golf course? Best revenge is success? Who has already had the most success on the course? So, he hasn't captured Jack Nichlaus' majors. The man is 33 years old. He could win one major a year and still have that record by 40. He needs to step back and look at what he has done to his family and his reputation. We don't know that he is running, and so what if he is, it is now his business. Let it go.

Whew, stepping down from my soapbox. I expect that a lot of people will not agree with me. That's okay. This is simply what it is my opinion. I stopped looking up athletes and movie stars as role models as a kid... Why? I stopped being naive a long time ago. Because, nobody is perfect. I learned that when I saw Jerry Rice drop F-bombs during a heated post-game interview, Magic Johnson admit his HIV status, Larry Bird and Dr. J's outside kids, Derrick Thomas' list of children after his death, and Shawne Merriman busted for steriods. I watch these players for the talent they display on the field. I enjoy them for the entertainment, joy and memories their athletics have brought me, and I leave it at that. We don't really know these people, but at the end of the day, that's what they are extrodinarily talented "people" who make mistakes just like you and me. I'm not going to stop watching because of their indiscretions, neither are you. Just like every Easter, Thankgiving, and Christmas, I watch a little girl (a girl who eventually left this world dead of an overdose on a bathroom floor) following the yellow brick road just trying to find her way home.

It’s a Believable Story…Y’all saw Hancock, Right?

Welcome back, everybody! Week Twelve of the fantasy football season has come and gone, and it left my team with about as much love as a Thanksgiving turkey after dinner. So, what’s been happening? We digress for a moment to talk about an athlete not an NFL player getting in trouble. What’s up with Tiger Woods y’all? Who knew he was a playa? I’m sorry, player. Wow, Eldrick… Big ups on the story about the back windows of the vehicles, it is really believable. No, really, we believe you. *wink* Now, I don’t condone Tiger’s actions, but seriously was anyone really shocked? Okay, we were shocked temporarily, because he billed himself as “Mr. Perfect.” After words, it was more, eh… Back to football. The New Orleans Saints laid a smackdown on The Hoodie and the New England Patriots. Tom Brady looked as if he were ready to cry, and The Hoodie looked perplexed…He still looked perplexed two days later. Drew Brees and Darren Sharper and all those people who catch the ball from Drew Brees are showing that the Saints are leaving their “Ain’ts” history behind. Peyton Manning pulled out another victory against the Houston Texans who appear to be writing a book on how to lose the Indianapolis Colts. This makes five comeback victories in a row for Peyton. The Minnesota Vikings had two players cited for speeding off the field this week, Bernard Berrian and Adrian Peterson, clearly they thought they were still on the field as they and Lord Favre walked all over the Chicago Bears last week. Hines Ward questioned Big Ben’s head after the Steelers dropped their third game in a row as the Ravens defeated the Steelers with young Dennis Dixon at the helm. Tennessee made it five wins in a row with Vince Young returning to the pocket. The San Diego Chargers introduced their 50^th anniversary team and then proceeded to introduce my Kansas City Chiefs to a world of hurt with a 43-14 victory. Larry Johnson then add insult to injury by running for 107 yards in Cedric Benson’s absence in Cincinnati’s victory against Cleveland. The Bengals have swept the NFC North. Now, who saw that coming? The Sanchize injured himself Thursday night against the Bills, and Rex Ryan called him a knuckle head. Tony Gonzalez and the Falcons pulled out a victory after losing Matt Ryan and Michael Turner. Washington, St. Louis, Carolina, and Jacksonville lost…Nothing to see there.

Now, for my weekly Shawne Merriman statement. Rest up, big man. You don’t really have to play against Cleveland. They will find a way to lose. I need you well rested for December 20^th and Christmas Day. Why you ask? I need to see the match against Cincinnati and OchoCinco. Christmas Day, it will be payback against the Titans who injured your knee. (That’s right Mawae, I haven’t forgotten). Now, San Diego fans, get off his back. I had a similar injury in my arm. Spent a week in a sling, and a month in physical therapy. He tried to play last week; he couldn’t. Yes, Eli played with the same injury, and they lost to Denver. I hope he leaves (Kansas City or San Francisco?). Ingrates. Be careful what you complain about, just ask the Chiefs how they would love to have Jared Allen, Scott Fujita, and Tony Gonzalez back. I’d rather have a 50% Merriman than what we have half the time. I saw that game last week. Wasn’t pretty. Sigh…I guess I’ll talk about what happened to my fantasy team last week…

This past week my fantasy teams went 1-3. Whatever…

The Merry Mad Men (7-5) v. the Last Cowboy

My Merry Mad Men took on The Last Cowboy of the Hell Raisers League. I played the following team: QB-Matt Hasselbeck, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Ricky Williams, WR-Donald Driver, Mike Wallace, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.

My MadMen fell off considerably last week without Kurt Warner steering the helm. Kurt was hurt (hey that rhymed), so I started Matt Hasselbeck, whose 5 points weren’t much better than the inactive Warner. LDT and Ricky Williams both turn in okay performances. TG had 8 points even without his starting QB. My receivers are killing me with these single digit performances. My Player of the Week is the Chargers D/ST who ran up 23 points against my Kansas City Chiefs. *Sigh* It didn’t help as the Last Cowboy lassoed the MadMen 121-104.

Hecate’s HellHounds (5-7) v. Tim Grim Reapers 2

Well the HellHounds will definitely be cleaning out their lockers this week. The Playoffs are history for this team. This victory was too little, too late. Playoff hopes are gone with the wind. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and Ricky Williams, WRs-Nate Burleson, Mike Wallace, Donald Driver, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Olindo Mare, DST-San Diego Chargers. This game showed all the hope that I had for this team when the season began. There was all kinds of points springing up for this team. Even the bench had 66 points. My Player of the Week was, of course, Drew Brees with 44 points. The HellHounds are going down swinging taking out Tim Grim Reapers 2, 133-57.

The Crazy 88’s (6-6) v. Jawbreaker

Turn out the lights; the party’s over for the 88’s who are tied for last place in our division. SMH… I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Mewelde Moore and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Reggie Wayne, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. Blah-blah-blah, They lost. The San Diego Chargers D/ST was my player of the week with 23 points. The Crazy 88’s fall (again) to Jawbreaker 106-89.

Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez (5-7) v. Big Fat Ugly Dudes

Team Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez was on the ropes. Now, we have gone down like Oscar de la Hoya against Manny Paquiao. I lined-up with: QB-Mark “But, I’m a rookie” Sanchez, RB-LDT, and Mike Bell, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh, Mike Wallace, and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. The Chargers D/ST was my player of the week with 18 points. The Big Fat Ugly Dudes sat on the GMG and destroyed my playoff hopes with a final score of 81-56.

A brief moment...

I would like to take this moment to congratulate one of my all-time favorite players, Derrick Thomas. Derrick Thomas was the reason I became a Kansas City Chiefs fan. I loved watching him fly around the field and taking down quarterbacks. His 7 sacks in a game is record that stands to this day, and one many think will never be broken. When Derrick Thomas died, Chiefs fans lost more than a player. I actually stopped watching for two years after his death. It just wasn't the same. Thomas spent his entire career in a Kansas City Chiefs uniform. This past August, DT was finally inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame. Today, December 6, 2009, the Kansas City Chiefs will retire his number 58. It feels good to know that no one will ever wear his number 58 as a Chief again. There will never be another that could fill those cleats. Thank you, #58. RIP Derrick Thomas (1967-2000)...

Well, that’s all I’ve got guys. This week is the final week of the fantasy football season. Playoffs begin next week. Good Luck to you guys during week 13. Until next week, kids… I’d like to leave you with this from Herman Edward, “I wish we could have made more of a game of it, but it wasn't. They took us behind the woodshed and whupped us.” Have a good fantasy week, y’all…