Sunday, February 14, 2010

Bien, Les Bons Temps Doivent la Fin Quelque Temps*

NFL: Super Bowl XLIV-New Orleans Saints Media DayFeb 2, 2010; Miami, FL, USA; New Orleans Saints safety Darren Sharper at Super Bowl XLIV media day at Sun Life Stadium.Content © 2010 Newscom All rights reserved.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everybody. This is usually a sad time for me. Not, because I don’t have a Valentine, I get to spend the day with the most important person in the world to me…Me. Now, some people may say that that is vain, arrogant or egotistical. I say, thank you, because before you can truly love someone else, you need to be able to love yourself, and to paraphrase Terrell Owens, “I love me some me.” No, it’s because this is the signal of the first week without football. I feel the withdrawal symptoms beginning, and I am truly sickened. Oh, sure, there will be the Combine, the Draft, Mini-Camps, Free Agency, and the CBA to look forward to during the off-season. Yet, these things pale in comparison to watching Shawne Merriman sack JaMarcus Russell twice in the same game, or Darren Sharper intercepting Mark Sanchez twice once for a 99 yd touchdown return, or Tony Gonzalez capturing one of his six touchdowns (wait, a minute TG only 6?).

Well, the Super Bowl Champions have been “Laissez le bon temps roulez” all over the nation and French Quarter for the last week. I want to say congratulations, New Orleans! If there was a team other than my beloved Chiefs who deserves to finally raise the Lombardi trophy, it is the long beleaguered New Orleans Saints. While the Saints were celebrating, everybody else was stomping a mud hole in poor Peyton Manning and then walking the thing dry…You would have thought Peyton was Mark McGuire. I mean seriously, folks. You crowned him, and now, you stripping the crown like he declared himself the greatest quarterback ever, which for the record is Joe Montana, no matter what some other clowns, including a rather large brother who writes for Fox, say.

Earlier today, I recalled a weekly event from my childhood. Every Sunday morning, I would turn on the radio and listen to American Top 40 with Casey Kasem. During each episode, he would have a segment called the Long Distance Dedication in which some schmoe would write a depressing letter about a depressing event to dedicate a depressing song to someone who may or may not be dead. Remember? Good times, Good times. . .

Dear Casey, I know that you usually only request one song for your Long Distance Dedication, but I have a few issues to clear up, so I’m hoping you will grant my dedications.

The first is to the NFL. I have been a football fan since 19-, well let’s just say a long time. I use to be a big baseball fan, too. Then, baseball went on strike on my 20th birthday. I kept watching, but I was always a little resentful. So, I would like to dedicate Aaron Neville’s “Don’t Take away my Heaven” Please, NFL owners and NFLPA don’t have a lockout or a strike. It sucks enough that we are only allotted 22 weeks (okay, 21 cause no one really counts the Pro Bowl) of real football a year don’t make it longer.

I am a torn-apart Kansas City Chiefs fan. Vegas has already given them 100-1 odds of making it to the Super Bowl. They finished with a 4-12 record this year. They hired Romeo Crennell and Charlie Weis as coordinators to try to help them over the hump. I would even settle for a second place finish which would at least show improvement, because all they managed to do was play themselves out of the Ndamukong Suh sweepstakes. Sigh…So, I would like to dedicate Mariah Carey’s “I Still Believe” to my Kansas City Chiefs, because I still believe they can win (not really, but I’m trying to do better). I should dedicate “What a Fool Believes” to myself.

As I have described above, I am a Chiefs fan. That said, I have strayed often to players on teams with winning records for one or more of the following reasons talented, good-looking, talented and good-looking. Some of these players are Tony Gonzalez of the Atlanta Falcons (former Chief shouldn’t count as cheating), Darren Sharper of the New Orleans Saints (it’s the interceptions and those damn dimples), and Shawne Merriman of the San Diego Chargers (There are too many reasons to list here as to why I like Shawne Merriman. No, I don’t care that you don’t like him. Cute, ferocious, cute, mean-streak, cute, dimples, and did I mention that he is cute.). So, I would like to dedicate Joan Jett’s “I hate myself for loving you,” because I really should stop straying from my team and that NBC blatantly ripped it off for their Sunday Night Football theme. Seriously, Chiefs if you want a “Do Right Woman” y’all need to do right.

Lastly, a few others to a few players:
To Peyton Manning, Aaron Neville’s “Everybody plays the Fool.” It’ll be alright, Peyton. You are already the top pick for next year. To Drew Brees, Joey Scarbury’s “The Greatest American Hero.” Let’s repeat to show everyone that it wasn’t a fluke. To Brett Favre, Gloria Estefan’s “Go Away,” because I think I speak pretty much for everybody on this one. To the Indianapolis Colt’s Aaliyah’s “Try Again.” To the Cowboys, Broncos and Raiders, Ugly Kidd Joe’s “Everything about You,” because after all of these years I still hate you. And to all football fans, I dedicate Nu Shooz’s “I Can’t Wait,” because there are only 208 days until Thursday September 10, 2010-the first day of the 2010 season.

That’s all until next week guys. In the words of the great Vince Lombardi, “Football is like life - it requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work, sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority.” See y’all next week!

*Well, the good times have to end some time...

Sunday, February 7, 2010

All This and Dwight Freeney’s ankle-thingy…

Happy Super Bowl Sunday, guys! I took a bit of a sabbatical last week to do my real job as a teacher. Last weekend was Prom weekend at my school. To say prom is a big deal is an understatement at our school…It is like Super Bowl weekend for Juniors and Seniors. Too bad, no one told me in college that being a prom sponsor would call for such talents as coaching, counseling, cattle wrangling, chasing, construction, catering, party planning, and the ability to make questionable decisions at hours long past a decent bed time. Sorry, I digressed…

We are down now to the final two… The AFC Champion Indianapolis Colts versus The NFC Champion New Orleans Saints. It has been over 15 years since the NFL has had two number ones in the Super Bowl, but clearly that is not the most important thing happening in Miami this week. Let’s take a look back. . .Dwight Freeney rolled his ankle during the AFC Championship game, and this third degree sprain may prevent him from playing in the Super Bowl…Chad Ocho Cinco, in his quest to be the most talked about football player that ever lived, launched the OCNN, which debuted at media day. Peyton accidentally called Darren Sharper (Hey dimples!) “Jamie” during an interview, to which, Darren countered by calling Peyton, “Eli.” Zinger…In breaking News, Dwight Freeney’s ankle has been up graded to a 3rd degree sprain, and he might not play…Shawne Merriman and Tony Gonzalez were in Miami for interviews, parties, and what not...The Pro Bowl was the highest rated all star game in years, even though the Super Bowl teams players were not allowed to play, and it was up against the Grammys, which is like the Pro Bowl for singers with the more talented singers opting out of the event…A Kansas City Chief finally won an award, Brian Waters will be named the Walter Payton man of the Year award winner…This just in, Dwight Freeney’s ankle is still a 3rd degree sprain, and he might not play…Michael Irvin was sued by a woman who claimed he assaulted her last year; he countersued…Warren Sapp was arrested for domestic abuse…

Now, for a PSA…Girls, if you ever find yourself in the Super Bowl city, have your own damn room. I’m not justifying what Warren Sapp did, but honey, why the hell didn’t you go to your own room, if you were tired? I have not, nor will I ever, ask for the room key of a man who is not A) my boyfriend, B) my fiancĂ©, or C) my husband. Period, end of discussion. It never ends well, and if dude asks you to leave, then just leave. Why are you arguing? You didn’t pay for the room. Now, to you Warren, why offer her the room? We know you didn’t do it out of the “kindness of your heart,” and we know that you probably got a better offer. If you wanted her to leave, call security…You don’t go to jail, and she leaves. Done and done. When will they ever learn…SMH…Oh, we interrupt this PSA to tell you about Dwight Freeney’s, sigh, I think you got the picture.

Well, we have been hearing the stories all week, New Orleans favorite son, Peyton Manning playing against his father’s former team the Saints. Drew Brees, adopted son, has become one of the faces of New Orleans. Then, there is Darren Sharper…I just wanted to say his name *blush.* We have already covered the title topic, and at last check, Freeny was going to play, even though he hasn’t practiced all week. *shrug* Let’s take a look at the two teams…

The Indianapolis Colts
: Peyton Manning-He is ranked 2nd in passing yards (4500), tied for second in passing touchdowns (33), and he was only sacked 10 times this year…Plus, he’s Peyton Manning, you know 6’ 5” 230 pounds, laser rocket arm…Team wise: The Colts were ranked 4th in total offense, 3rd in passing, 9th in rushing. On Defense: The Colts were ranked 5th in total defense, 7th in passing, and 4th in rushing. Not bad.

The New Orleans Saints:
Drew Brees-He is ranked 6th in passing yards (4388), first in passing touchdowns (34), and Drew Brees has been sacked 9 times for loss of 61 yards in 2009. Now let's look at the team. On offense: The Saints were ranked 7th in total offense, 7th in passing, 7th in rushing (Well, they are consistent, but I'm not liking all of those 7s...). On defense: The Saints were ranked 9th in total defense, 10th in passing, 7th in rushing.Numbers don’t mean anything to me (I’m an English major, remember)…Colts were 14-2 and the Saints were 13-3. Blah-Blah-Blah…So, here’s my pick…*Fresh Prince voice* Drums Please…Laissez le bontemps roulez, New Orleans! I’m picking the Saints.

That’s it, Y’all!! Even if the Saints don’t win, it’s Mardi Gras season…They are gonna party in the French Quarter regardless. Until next week… “Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.” Oscar Wilde