Sunday, January 24, 2010

Three Out of Four Ain’t Bad, Unless it Involves the Chargers…

Happy Championship Weekend football fans! It is now down to four teams: The New Orleans Saints, The Minnesota Vikings, The Indianapolis Colts, and the San Diego…sorry, The New York Jets. All aboard the Jets bandwagon everybody, and you know why, because Rex Ryan said so. It’s been a week, and I’m still a little irked with Nate Keading. Nate “the Great” my aunt Fanny…0 for 3. Okay, take the 57-yarder out of the equation, if he made two, the Chargers would have been on their way to Indy; one and at least over time. It will be a while before I get over not seeing Shawne Merriman against Peyton Manning, thanks Nate. Well, the Saints spanked the Cardinals handedly in the Superdome and hit Kurt Warner so hard he is contemplating retirement. The Vikings danced the Minnesota two-step all over the Dallas Cowboys, as the ancient one, Lord Lorenzo Favre will now launch his Vikings down the Mississippi to New Orleans. *Dramatic voice* “and then, there were four.”

Before I get to my predictions sure to go wrong, let’s take a look around the NFL. Everybody’s talking about the CBA, and how it will affect this year’s free agents. I’m only concerned about one in particular…we know who that is no need to name names or reveal my hope that he will team up with a certain former Chicago Bear turned coach and a former teammate with the initials VD or a certain young man from the SEC who all play near the Golden Gate Bridge. I’m not saying; I’m just saying… I didn’t send my condolences to the family of Gaines Adams last week. From all stories, he was a talented player and a special young man who left an impact on all he knew. I didn’t know much, because I don’t really follow the Tampa Bay Buccaneers or the Chicago Bears. Still, it is sad to see a young man struck down in his prime. RIP Gaines Adams. Mike Nolan parted ways with Josh “Little Hoodie” McDaniels, and became the DC for Miami. I don’t know what is going on with McDaniels. Maybe he has a Napoleon complex. Then, there is crazy Al Davis in Oakland, who may or may not keep Tom Cable. I don’t really care about either of these teams personally. The more dysfunction there is in Denver and Oakland the less interest in what’s going on in Kansas City. Tony Gonzalez announced that he would be returning for the 2010 season! That’s all. Thanks to the NFL Network for interviewing Darren Sharper, Dustin Keller and their dimples on the same day. I totally appreciate that guys.
Wade Phillips and Norv Turner both received contract extentions...yeah, I don't know why either. The Buffalo Bills finally hired a Head Coach this week. After every coach in existence appeared to turn them down, they finally hired for Chiefs OC and Cowboys head coach Chan Gailey. Good luck with that. Now, down to business.

The AFC Championship game: The New York Jets v. The Indianapolis Colts. Okay, I’ll admit, that I am still a little bitter about the fact that the Jets are in the AFC Championship game, and I still can’t believe that Nate Kaeding missed that field goal or Antonio Cromartie missed that freaking tackle. The Jets played a good game *said through clenched teeth.* Rex Ryan and his defense better come to play today, because unless Peyton’s arm is hanging on by one sinew, Curtis Painter ain’t seeing any action. Darrelle Revis is going to have to play a heck of a game today. There will be no lying down and playing dead today. I’m going with my SEC homeboy, Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Co

The NFC Championship game: The Minnesota Vikings v. The New Orleans Saints. This game is a little tougher to predict. While I, too, am from Mississippi and went to college in Hattiesburg, I dislike Brett Favre; it’s not rational, but I said it. I only rooted for him last week because I absolutely hate the Dallas Cowboys and will not root for them, even if a certain linebacker miraculously signs with them in the offseason. I have standards. I enjoyed every moment of that blowout in New Orleans last week. I love Drew Brees, and I was even impressed with Reggie “hugging the sideline” Bush. I love Darren Sharper. Then, there are all of those receivers that the Saints have (too many to name here). Sean Payton and the Saints have been marching up and down the field behind the arm of Brees. Sure, the Vikings have that great defense. I see you, Jared Allen, Kevin and Pat Williams. Did I mention, that I love Darren Sharper? I just wanted to put it out there that Darren Sharper is a cutie. That said, I picture a whole lot of celebrating tonight in the Big Easy. Laissez le bontemps roulez, New Orleans! I’m picking the Saints.

Sidenote: To all Jets fans, it’s not that I don’t think that you guys can win, it’s just that I can’t imagine two USC “stars” in the Super Bowl at the same time. The Pac-10 love would be unbearable.

That’s it, Y’all!! I’m predicting a Colts-Saints Super Bowl, which will be fine and dandy here below the Mason-Dixon line. Until next week…
If you're not making mistakes, you're not taking risks, and that means you're not going anywhere. The key is to make mistakes faster than the competition, so you have more changes to learn and win. John W. Holt, Jr.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Another Prediction from a Busybody, Know-it-All Football Fan

Happy Divisional Playoff Weekend football fans! It just seems like yesterday that we had the kickoff of football season. Now, we are just six games away from the Super Bowl. So, the AP has been giving out their annual awards so if you haven’t heard by now here is a quick re-cap: Offensive Player of the Year-Chris Johnson, RB, Tennessee Titans. Chris Johnson had a monster year for the Titans clocking 2,509 yards from scrimmage, not to mention running for over 2,000 yards. I don’t think I’ve run 2,000 yards in my life much less in a 16 game season. Defensive Player of the Year-Charles Woodson, CB, Green Bay Packers. Okay, I’m a homer, I was rooting for Darren Sharper, and most of the country thought that it should have gone to Darrelle Revis of the Jets who shut down every receiver that came within yard of his orbit. That said, no one can argue with Woodson’s year. He tied for the league lead with 9 interceptions three returned for touchdowns, not to mention he was instrumental in the Packers becoming the second rank defense in the league. League MVP went to Peyton Manning, of course. As I said last week, this is Peyton Manning’s record fourth MVP award. It’s pretty hard to argue with Manning winning the MVP, he didn’t slip up during the year, like Drew Brees or Brett Favre. Manning’s team didn’t lose because of him *cough, Curtis Painter.* I actually thought that Philip Rivers should have been higher than Brees. Comeback Player of the Year was Tom Brady, uh-huh, about right. Defensive Rookie of the Year was Brian Cushing, LB, Houston Texans. Cushing had a great rookie season for the Texans. Cushing had 133 total tackles, 4 sacks, 4 interceptions, and 2 forced fumbles. I’d say he deserved the award. Offensive Rookie of the Year went to Minnesota Vikings, WR, Percy Harvin. In between suffering from migraine headaches that often kept him from practice, Percy Harvin managed to only have 60 receptions racking up 790 yards and 6 TDs. He rushed for another 135 yards. Did I mention he returned 42 kickoffs for 1, 156 yards averaging 27.5 yards per return with two kickoffs for TDs, one of which was 101 yards? The Coach of the year title went to Cincinnati Bengals Head Coach Marvin Lewis. Yay, Marvin. Marvin had a tremendous turnaround with the Bengals this year, and he managed to keep his team together after the tragic deaths of Vicki Zimmer, DC Mike Zimmer’s wife, and WR Chris Henry. Congratulations to all of the winners…

Quick side note my Kansas City Chiefs have hired two of the biggest names (not to mention waistlines) to join Coach Todd “Dead Man Walking” Haley. Romeo Crennel was added this week as the defensive coordinator, joining Charlie Weis as Scott Pioli continues to build the New England Patriots: Midwest Edition. How long before Haley starts sporting the cut-off hoodie…Stay tuned…
The Second Round of the Playoffs begin this weekend. Let’s take a look at the games…

The Arizona Cardinals v. The New Orleans Saints. Last weekend the Cardinals managed to survive a shootout in the desert with the Green Bay Packers. The 51-45 game was an instant NFL Classic (the NFL Network even said so). Kurt “Hey, I’m still younger the Brett Favre” Warner continues to be a geriatric wonder on the field, and now he and his Cardinals are trying to perform yet another miracle and make their way to a second Super Bowl in as many years. Meanwhile, in New Orleans, Drew Brees and the “Who Dat?” Boys seem to have fallen out of favor with a lot of the NFL Prognosticators. They took the foot off the gas at the end of the season dropping three in a row. Although they weren’t pulling players to just rest, they were resting injured players who needed the recovery time. History, however, shows that no team who has lost their last three games has gone to one, much less won a Super Bowl. That said, I take the New Orleans Saints for the win.

The Baltimore Ravens v. The Indianapolis Colts. Four-time MVP Peyton Manning and his Colts are hosting Ray Lewis and the Ravens. Ray Rice delivered the first nail to the coffin of Tom Brady and the Patriots, and then the defense buried the Patriots hopes of a return to the Super Bowl. Most commentators maintain that the pressure is on the Colts who chose to rest players down the stretch instead of playing their starters. It’s another case of rust vs. momentum. If it comes down to a quarterback battle between Peyton and Joe Flacco, I have to put my money on Peyton, especially since Flacco has a bad hip and only was 4-10 for 34 yards against the Patriots. While I like and have a healthy fear of the Ravens and their defense, I have to put my money on the Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts.

The Dallas Cowboys v. the Minnesota Vikings. In the I hate one entire team and the other team’s quarterback bowl, the Cowboys who have been on a roll against the Eagles (twice), Redskins, and Saints head to Minnesota to take on Lorenzo and the Purple People eaters. For those who are not in the know, I hate the Cowboys, and since I am not really a member of the Media, I don’t have to pretend I don’t have a bias. They have won…blah-blah-blah…Tony Romo finally won in December, whoop-te-doo. Minnesota ended their season on high note taking out Eli Manning and the Giants. Although I don’t like him much, I’m hoping old Lorenzo marches Adrian Peterson, Percy Harvin, Visanthe “I couldn’t have one easy name” Shiancoe, and Sidney Rice down the throats of the Cowboys. Then, to borrow a quote from Mike Tomlin, I hope that Jared Allen and the Williams boys “Unleash Hell” on the Cowboys and Tony Romo. You would literally have to pay me to pick the Cowboys. Lord Lorenzo and the Vikings over Da Boys.

The New York Jets v. the San Diego Chargers. The New York Jets and their coach Rex Ryan have been spreading smack like nobody’s business the last few weeks having taken out the Bengals (twice) and the Colts. Coach went so far as saying they should be a favorite in the Super Bowl. Slow down, Rexy boy, take it down a notch. They are taking the band on the road again headed to quarterback Mark Sanchez’s old stomping grounds to take on Philip Rivers and the San Diego Chargers. It is no secret that the writer of this blog has an unhealthy fan crush on San Diego Chargers OLB Shawne Merriman, even though that writer maintains that she (who shall remain nameless) is a Kansas City Chiefs fan. The only thing that has come out of the San Diego Chargers camp is a viral video that I’m sure RB LaDainian Tomlinson wishes he had never made (“I read the defense, read the defense, catch that pass, hit that hole”). The Chargers were on an 11 game win streak going into the playoff. Darrelle Revis has stranded many a receiver on Revis Island, but he hasn’t seen receivers the size of Vincent Jackson, Malcolm Floyd, and TE Antonio Gates. Good luck with that. As if you didn’t already know, I’m picking the San Diego Chargers.

That’s it. Those are my predictions sure to go wrong. I'm about to take LT's advice and read the defense of Saints. See you next week for the Conference Championship games. In the words of Mark Twain,
"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said 'I don't know'." See you next week!!!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Big Girls Don't Cry

Happy New Year, Everybody! I’m finally back. I went through this I’m absolutely doing nothing during my Christmas vacation. So, I kinda neglected my blog for the last two weeks. Sorry…*blush* So what’s been going on since I’ve been away on vacation. My Chiefs finally beat the Denver Broncos in Denver after Josh “Little Hoodie” McDaniels effectively blew his team up after starting the year 6-0. I’m sorry, I was wishing, hoping, and praying for that to happen. Who sits two of your best players on the bench because they aren’t your best friends? Wow…Little Hoods. Who knew that my lowly Chiefs would have contributed to the demise of the playoff hopes of the Denver Broncos? Muha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa. Uh-uhm, anyway, the Chiefs began their spring cleaning early and hired Charlie Weis as their new offensive coordinator. I’m not the biggest Charlie Weis fan, and I admit that I made more than one hula hoop joke about his waist-line, but if he can bring respectability back to my Chiefs, I’m willing to eat a little well–seasoned crow. Todd Haley…Jury is still out…Cassell…same for you. I’m watching, waiting, hoping, and praying for you guys. Okay, homerism over. Indianapolis became the one seed in the AFC after creating a ton of controversy by resting their starters, especially when doing so ended their run at an undefeated season. I would have loved to have seen Peyton Manning get that record, it was misery watching his face during that Jets game. That said, he will have to let his 4th MVP trophy and hopefully a Super Bowl Ring easy that agony. The San Diego Chargers are the number two seed (Yay!), and they have been resting their big boys as well, such Vincent Jackson and my personal fave, Shawne Merriman. They are the quietest team with an 11 game win streak. The New England Patriots, Cincinnati Bengals, Baltimore Ravens, and New York Jets rounded out the AFC Playoff picture. So, I had three of the division winners correct (missed with Cincy, had them 3rd). I also picked Baltimore but missed with the Jets. I’m still going with Chargers taking it all. [I started this article on Saturday morning long before the Jets spanked the Bengals, and the Cowboys killed the Eagles. As I am finishing, Baltimore is beating the Patriots, yikes.]
The NFC picture was a little more jumbled. This conference is such a hot mess. You never really know from one year to the next who is gonna come out on top. The New Orleans Saints and Drew Brees have the one seed although they looked awful crappy in their last three games-all loses. Brett Favre and the Vikings finally got their lines on the same page and took the number 2 seed by humiliating the New York Giants. What’s up with the Giants? The Dallas Cowboys (gag), Arizona Cardinals, Philadelphia Eagles, and Green Bay Packers are vying to represent the NFC. As I said earlier, the Cowboys defeated the Eagles last night for the third time this season (Why, Philly, why?). The Pack and the Cards are playing later this afternoon. Like the AFC, I had three of the Division Winners correct. I missed with the New York Giants, and I had Dallas as third. I had the Eagles as a wildcard (correct), but missed with the Atlanta Falcons (Sorry, TG. The upside Falcons had their first back-to-back winning seasons; the downside, you missed the playoffs and ended the year with 999 career receptions and missed the Pro Bowl for the first time in 10 years. Sorry, man…I piled it on a lot. My, bad). I totally missed out with the Giants in the Super Bowl. I will not pick the Cowboys…I hate them. Much to my chagrin, I am going with Minnesota. I will now unclench my teeth before they break.
The Fantasy Football season is over, unless you play the playoff championship with I’m not really interested. I’m a little depressed with the finishes of my teams. I really didn’t want to rehash the craptastic season that I had, but any way here it goes.

The Merry Mad Men

My Merry Mad Men finished the season with an 8-7 record. They finished #1 in the Central Division of the HellRaisers league. The MadMen were one of two of my teams that made the playoffs. We lost in the first round because in my infinite wisdom I thought it was a good idea to replace Tony Gonzalez with Vernon Davis. Well, it wasn’t, and I lost by three points, 98-95 to Ballbusterzzzz who ended up losing in the Championship game to the Bucs. We finished the season 5th in the HellRaisers power rankings. My team MVP was Kurt Warner who brought in a 267 fantasy points to my team.

Hecate’s HellHounds

Hecate’s HellHounds could not survive elimination even with Drew Brees at the helm. They finished the fantasy season with a 6-8 record which was enough for a second place finish in the Central Division of the Heavy Metal Football league. That said, the HellHounds still managed a 5th place finish in the power rankings, even though they did not make it to the playoffs. Satans Children defeated the DoomCrew to win our league Championship. My team MVP was Drew Brees who brought in a massive 348 points to my team (although for naught).

The Crazy 88’s

Like Hecate’s HellHounds, the Crazy 88’s were eliminated from playoff competition as well they should have been. I never really meant to field this team, but hey, I tried to do the best I could with them, which as it turns out was just not enough. The 88’s finished dead last in the West Division of the American Fantasy League with a record of 6-7-1, and last in the power rankings. We had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad season. The Black Sheep defeated the Devil’s rejects to take the league championship. My team MVP was Donovan McNabb and his 261 fantasy points.

Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez

Team Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez was the most unpredictable of all of my fantasy teams. My team even with a 6-7 record finished first in Division 4 of the Natchez League 2009. Thus, surprising everyone, including me, we made the playoffs. The playoffs last two games per round in the ESPN playoffs and to no one’s surprise, the number one team The Beast Unleashed destroyed us 303-106. This defeat qualified GMUG to play the consolation game for third place, which we won 142-70. GMUG finished the season 3rd in the league Woo-Hoo!!!! My team MVP was, surprisingly, Jay Cutler with 216 points.

My fantasy football season, sadly, has come to an end. It has been a rollercoaster ride with more dips than high points. Even though fantasy is over, I’m not going anywhere football season is now year round, and it won’t be long before fantasy rolls around again. Besides, I’ll be giving you my take on the playoffs. So until next week, The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.”~Phyllis Diller. See y’all next week!