Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Live Blogging: American Horror Story: Hotel, Episode 1-Checking In

So, it's finally the premiere week that I have been waiting for--American Horror Story premieres tonight, and The Walking Dead premieres on Sunday. I didn't watch the first two seasons of American Horror Story as they happened. I tried starting Murder House, but it initially didn't catch my attention. I later watched both Murder House and Asylum (Seasons 1 and 2). Every one debates which season is the best. Most people (including me) think Murder House is the best. While I agree that Murder House is the best, Coven is my favorite. It was so campy, and Jessica Lange was deliciously evil as Fiona Goode. Freakshow has been my least favorite.  I just think there was too much...just way, too much. Although I will miss Jessica Lange, I'm looking forward to the crazy that Lady Gaga brings to the table in American Horror Story: Hotel.

9:00 p.m.: I will already say that I love the images that I am seeing from Hotel. At first glance, the Hotel Cortez is seriously not a place that I would like to visit. I wonder how long these little girls are going to last. The outside is horrible, but the inside is incredibly beautiful and creepy. These glasses that Kathy Bates is wearing. This place will grow on you are not words I want to hear checking into a hotel with virtually no visible guests. No cell service...I think I would have to chalk up that cash. Crazy maid, check, bloody sheets, check, creepy ass kid, check and check. Nice gloves, Gaga. This room looks like it hasn't been cleaned since 1969.  there is no one in this building chick, and I bet there is a dead person under the bed...okay in the bed. What the hell was that? A Freaking zombie coming out of the mattress. Why are the intros to American Horror Story always scarier than the actual show, especially that creepy music?

9:10 p.m.: Why didn't those girls, I don't! Free room, nah. Nothing about this hotel says stay the night. This is 2015 right, right? Uh-oh, one of the blonde tourists is missing. What the?? The kids are eating the blonde, wait, what? There is too much already. Zombie man in the mattress, a missing blonde being eaten by scary children, Seneca Crane investigating a murder. OH, lord gross. a crucified dead chick still attached to a dude with no tongue or eyeballs. WTF? Beardless Seneca Crane's kid looks like one of the cannibal kids. Why does Kathy Bates look like Harry Carey? Sarah Paulson, girl, what is wrong with your hair? What the crap was that? Was that a drill bit being used as a nope, nope, y'all.

9:29 p.m.: I had to take a break, because there was way too much freaky going on...Dead dude under the bed. Who are these Doc Brown-looking kids running up and down the halls? Do we even have someone to root for on this show? If my math is right (it may be iffy), 5 people are dead and 1 has lost his eyes, tongue, and has  his favorite tool attached to a dead woman.

9:36 p.m.: Finally a Gaga appearance, and of course, she's getting high before going to the movies in a park. That's what, you do, right? Nothing says romance like Nosferatu in the park. So you just hook up with two random strangers you kinda met in a park. Okay. Zombies, vampires, crazy monster dudes with weird attachments, crazy vampire children, what am I watching?!!?!?!?! Wait, Kathy Bates kidnapped the blondes? What?

9:46 p.m.: So, Sally and Harry fatten up people for Gaga. Run, Vendela, run. Should have swerved girl. Should have run when you saw the  mattress birthing a zombie. Did Seneca Crane bring his daughter to a crime scene, because I feel like there will be another when he gets home. Why do little kids in movies follow trouble? It's like they want to die. Uh-um. that kid is never, ever going to be right. So, someone just swiped your kid off the merry-go-round. Way to be observant, John Travolta.

10:10 p.m.: So, you are going to just let your kid hang out with creepy Lady Gaga. Okay. FYI, If I can live in this room, you can kidnap me. Candy, wall-size video games, and recliners, Couch Potato heaven. Harry Carey is Gaga's Boy toy's mommy? What is wrong with these people? Sarah Paulson is a freaking ghost?!!!! Nice touch with Hotel California. Check out anytime you like, but you can never leave. Wait Seneca Crane, you check in to the murder hotel? What? So, Gaga is a "Vampire" who brought Donovan back, and Sally is a Ghost, and Kathy Bates is a killer Harry Carey. Okay. Why do people continue to even talk to Kathy Bates in movies? She could have candy, and I would assume it's poisoned.

Guys, this was an intense 90 minutes, and these scenes from the season are probably not going to let me sleep. Until next week...


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