Thursday, September 5, 2013

2013 NFL Predictions Sure to Bite the Dust...

It has been a long, long off season ladies and gents, but it is finally here--the 2013 NFL Season is upon us!!! It has been a long 213 days since they turned the lights off on the 2012 season in New Orleans as the Ravens raised their second Lombardi trophy. So, what have we learned since the curtain dropped in February?  RGIII is ready to play after knee surgery (put me in coach!!). The Jets are still, STILL, dysfunctional which apparently is enough to keep them in the news even though they are still not quite certain, although Geno Smith is starting the first game of the season, who their QB is going to be, and after kicking Tim Tebow to the curb, they've recruited former ESPN poster boy Brady Quinn as their 3rd, 2nd, 1st, who knows, and by this point who cares.

Speaking of Timmy Boy, who was picked up briefly by the New England Patriots before being released last week, Tim Tebow has decided that he is too good for the CFL...good luck, with that Tim, we'll be looking forward to your specials from the Inspirational channel (not really).  The Broncos don't know how to work a Fax machine.  Terrelle Pryor might be the starting quarterback for the Raiders instead of Matt Flynn who lost his starting job to Russell Wilson last year.  Alex Smith traded his San Francisco red for Kansas City red.  What is it with KC trading for former SF 49er quarterbacks?  FYI, my Chiefs haven't won a playoff game since that other SF QB Joe Montana retired.  This is the year Chiefs!!! Greg Jennings left Green Bay for Minnesota, Ed Reed left Baltimore for Houston, Dustin Keller had his knee mangled in Miami, Reggie Bush to Detroit, Wes Welker to Denver, so forth and so on...

What else, what else...OOOOOOHHHHH that's right!!! TONY GONZALEZ IS BACK for one final season!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks Nikko for sharing your dad with us one more year!!! Stephen Jackson is joining him on the rather potent Atlanta Falcons offense as they say goodbye to Michael Turner.  I have a whole season to declare my devotion to all things Tony Gonzalez. 

Tonight, I'm starting my picks.  Starting with my annual predictions that are certain to falter and die a horrid death like Andrea in The Walking Dead...

AFC EAST-New England
AFC SOUTH-Houston Texans
AFC NORTH-Cincinnati Bengals
AFC WEST-Kansas City Chiefs
Wildcards-Denver Broncos and Baltimore Ravens

NFC EAST-Washington Redskins
NFC SOUTH-Atlanta Falcons
NFC NORTH-Green Bay Packers
NFC WEST-San Francisco
Wildcards-Seattle Seahawks and New Orleans Saints

AFC Champs-Cincinnati Bengals (I didn't really want to pick them, but the AFC kinda whomps this year.)
NFC Champs-Atlanta Falcons (I shouldn't have picked them, because I've all but certainly jinxed it.)

Super Bowl Champions-The Atlanta Falcons (I want TG to go out like Ray Lewis...only better.) Please New York, retire Alicia Keys and Jay-Z...we all got it...New York is great...

No rhyme, and definitely no reason for the above picks...Just an guess, just like everybody else :)

I'm posting my weekly picks really early this week because of the Thursday night kickoff and because, yeah, I'll be in New Orleans getting crunk with the Saints fans and watching my favorite player Tony Gonzalez on Sunday.

Thursday, September 5
Baltimore Ravens at Denver Broncos: Pey-Pey and the Broncs (although I hate the Hosses.)

Sunday, September 8
New England Patriots at Buffalo Bills: Brady and the Pats
Cincinnati Bengals at Chicago Bears:  Cincinnati
Miami Dolphins at Cleveland Browns: Cleveland
Tennessee Titans at Pittsburgh Steelers: Pittsburgh
Oakland Raiders at Indianapolis Colts:  Indianapolis
Kansas City Chiefs at Jacksonville Jaguars: Kansas City
Seattle Seahawks at Carolina Panthers:  Seattle
Minnesota Vikings at Detroit Lions: Minnesota
Atlanta Falcons at New Orleans Saints:  Atlanta will ruin Sean Payton's return (probably not they have trouble at the SuperDome)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at New York Jets: In what will probably be the second worse game of the day, Tampa Bay
Green Bay Packers at San Francisco 49ers: San Francisco, sorry Aaron...
Arizona Cardinals at St. Louis Rams:  Arizona
New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys:  New York Giants

Monday, September 9
Philadelphia Eagles at Washington Redskins: Washington Redskins
Houston Texans at San Diego Chargers: Houston Texans

So, that's it guys and dolls, until next week, I don't like people who have never fallen or stumbled. Their virtue is lifeless and it isn't of much value. Life hasn't revealed its beauty to them.

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