Saturday, November 13, 2010

Hey Ma! I'm on TV!-Picks from a Maniac Maenad Week 10

Welcome back, everybody! It's week 10 of the NFL season, and the NFL Week is already off and running. Did you guys watch the pre-game extravaganza before the Thursday night game? Yeah, me either. I was also not that fond of Joe Theismann, Matt Millen, and Bob Papa trio in the booth. Yikes, and here I thought it was torture listening to Joe Buck every Sunday. Any hoo, the Atlanta Falcons and the Baltimore Ravens eventually took the field with the Falcons winning 26-21. I was rooting for neither although I had fantasy players on both sides. (Dear Matt Ryan, could you help a sister out and more than occasionally throw a TD TG's way? Y'all are killing me!!!)

ATLANTA - OCTOBER 18: Quarterback Matt Ryan #2 of the Atlanta Falcons speaks to teammate Tony Gonzalez #88 after their 21-14 victory in the game against the Chicago Bears at the Georgia Dome on October 18, 2009 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

As I was drifting in and out of that game Thursday (I still haven't gotten use to this time), I thought I would have a little fun this week. NFL players love to have their time on TV. Case in point, Tony Gonzalez's appearance on One Tree Hill. No, I didn't see it, mostly because I hate One Tree Hill. I started looking at the different teams in the NFL, and because I'm apparently bored, I started putting TV titles to some of this years NFL stories.

Everybody Hates Brad-Apparently, Hell has a new location called Minneapolis, and Brad Childress has been labeled Lucifer. Watch the hilarity ensue as players insult the caters! Anonymous players declare they will win in spite of the coach. The Quarterback gets busted sexting and tries to convince the public and his wife that those naughty pictures are his, as his wide receiving corps rotates injuries from migraines to hips.

NEW ORLEANS - SEPTEMBER 09: Head coach Brad Childress of the Minnesota Vikings reacts late in the second half the New Orleans Saints at Louisiana Superdome on September 9, 2010 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

The Walking Dead: A new series that revolves around the plight of survivors in three cities as they try to avoid the walking dead. The series originally starred Wade Phillips, Mike Singletary, and Chan Gailey as the leader of the survivors in their respective cities of Dallas, San Francisco, and Buffalo, but after poor ratings, one of the executive producers Jerry Jones, fired Phillips and replaced him with upstart Jason Garrett who will try to lead the Dallas survivors victory. Guest star Shawne Merriman has already succumbed by merely stepping on the practice field.

IRVING, TX - FEBRUARY 08:   Wade Phillips shakes hands with Jerry Jones after being named the new Dallas Cowboys Coach during a press conference on February 8, 2007 in Irving, Texas.   (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

Haley and Mangini's Believe it or Not: Todd Haley and his fearless sidekicks Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel take you to places throughout the country to reveal unbelievable feats like maintaining a lead in the AFC West, constantly going for it on fourth down, driving the collective blood pressures of their fans to astronomical highs and lows in the same quarter. I'm not allowed to watch or listen anymore, due to high superstitions, and the fact that every time I watch/listen something bad happens. Meanwhile, Eric Mangini and his Browns continue to spank teams they have no business beating.

CLEVELAND - DECEMBER 27:  Head coach Eric Mangini of the Cleveland Browns watches his team against the Oakland Raiders at Cleveland Browns Stadium on December 27, 2009 in Cleveland, Ohio.  (Photo by Matt Sullivan/Getty Images) KANSAS CITY, MO - SEPTEMBER 02: Head coach Todd Haley of the Kansas City Chiefs looks on from the sidelines during the game against the Green Bay Packers on September 2, 2010 at Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City, Missouri. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

The Amazing Race: The NFC South edition watch each week as one of these teams overcome roadblocks and detour on their way to the pit stop at the top of the NFC South. Currently, the Atlanta Falcons are coming in first every week, but the New Orleans Saints and Tampa Bay Buccaneers are having stronger showings every week. Will the Super Bowl Champs return to form with the return of Reggie Bush, Pierre Thomas, and Darren Sharper? Will Drew Brees knee hold up? Will the parvenu Tampa Bay Buccaneers and their fired up coach Raheem Morris bounce back from their week 9 loss at the "Matt" to the Falcons? Who will win?

Atlanta Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan directs play against the Baltimore Ravens during the first quarter of their NFL football game in Atlanta, Georgia November 11, 2010.  REUTERS/Tami Chappell  (UNITED STATES - Tags: SPORT FOOTBALL) ATLANTA - NOVEMBER 07: Quarterback Josh Freeman  of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers looks to pass against the Atlanta Falcons at Georgia Dome on November 7, 2010 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images) NEW ORLEANS - OCTOBER 31: Drew Brees  of the New Orleans Saints looks for a receiver during the game against the Pittsburgh Steelers at the Louisiana Superdome on October 31, 2010 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Matthew Sharpe/Getty Images)

Psych: Every week Jim Caldwell pretends that he is the head coach of the Indianapolis Colts. He raises his play card to his mouth and talks into a headset that isn't actually plugged in while Peyton Manning continues to be, well Peyton Manning, the man who finds a way to win with anybody in a blue and white uniform.

Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning (18) talks on the sideline with head coach Jim Caldwell (2nd R) during a time out in the second half of their NFL football game against the Washington Redskins in Landover, Maryland, October 17, 2010.  REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst (UNITED STATES - Tags: SPORT FOOTBALL)

Rescue Me: Starring Steve Smith, Donovan McNabb, Marvin Lewis, and the Carolina Panthers. It really needs no explanation.

CHARLOTTE, NC - OCTOBER 24: Steve Smith  of the Carolina Panthers against the San Francisco 49ers during their game at Bank of America Stadium on October 24, 2010 in Charlotte, North Carolina. (Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images) Washington Redskins' quarterback Donovan McNabb is seen on the sidelines against the Green Bay Packers at FedEx Field in Landover, Maryland on October 10, 2010. The Redskins went on to defeat the Packers 16-13. UPI/Kevin Dietsch Photo via Newscom CHARLOTTE, NC - SEPTEMBER 26: Head coach Marvin Lewis of the Cincinnati Bengals watches on before the start of their game against the Carolina Panthers at Bank of America Stadium on September 26, 2010 in Charlotte, North Carolina. (Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)

$#*! My Coach Says: Each week the New York Jets players try to find a way to one up the outrageous antics of their coach Rex Ryan. From heckling a reporter to calling each other out on Twitter, this team constantly tries to find ways to out"wit" their feisty coach. This week finds Rex playing his twin brother Rob during a press conference.

ORCHARD PARK, NY - OCTOBER 03: Rex Ryan, head coach of the New York Jets stands on the sidelines against the Buffalo Bills at Ralph Wilson Stadium on October 3, 2010 in Orchard Park, New York. The Jets won 38-14. (Photo by Rick Stewart/Getty Images)

Well, I think it is time for me to throw in the towel on two of my fantasy teams.
  • Hecates's HellHounds of the League of Champions league: 6-3 (Slipped again.)
  • Kansas City Chiefs of the Dynasty Orginization League: 4-5 (on a two game win streak which will come to an end because I forgot about the game on Thursday)
  • Runtelldat Homeboys of the Big Easy League: 2-7 (The fat lady is practicing her scales.)
  • The Cromartie Eight of the Football Fist Pump League: 4-5 (Trying to make it to .500.)
  • Matching Mugshots of the Atypical Sports Show League: 2-7 (There are no words.)
Well, last week I didn't fair too badly. I went a sound 9-4, bringing my picks record to 66-48.
Let's see how this week goes.

Detroit Lions at Buffalo Bills: Buffalo

Minnesota Vikings vs. Chicago Bears: Chicago

NY Jets at Cleveland Browns: New York Jets

Tennessee Titans at Miami Dolphins: Tennessee

Cincinnati Bengals at Indianapolis Colts: Indianapolis

Houston Texans at Jacksonville Jaguars: Houston

Carolina Panthers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Tampa Bay

Kansas City Chiefs at Denver Broncos: Kansas City

Seattle Seahawks at Arizona Cardinals: Arizona

Dallas Cowboys at NY Giants: New York Giants

St. Louis Rams at San Francisco 49ers: St. Louis Rams

New England Patriots at Pittsburgh Steelers: Pittsburgh

Monday Night Football: Philadelphia Eagles at Washington Redskins: Philadelphia

Until next week, “If you’ll not settle for anything less than your best, you will be amazed at what you can accomplish in your lives.” -Vince Lombardi

1 comment:

  1. You dislike Joe Buck, too? I thought it was just me. He irks me with his holier-than-thou attitude.

    Jim Caldwell reminds me of Wade Phillips. Some times I'm not even sure he's watching the game or staring across the field at someone in the stands.