DianaDishes Predictions Sure to Go Wrong...

Glory, Glory, Hallelujah!!! The long break is over!! It's time for some football!!! It's hard to believe that the NFL season ended 214 days ago with the New Orleans Saints lifting the Lombardi Trophy and celebrated with a party the size of which the Big Easy has never seen, and may never see again. Tonight, the Saints are going to take the field against Brett Favre and the Minnesota Vikings, the team they snuffed out in the AFC Championship game.

So, everyone is giving their two cents about who will win in which conference, and why they will be the team to be the first to hold up the Lombardi Trophy while standing on the Star in Cowboy Stadium. Well, that's not me. I'm not going to spend a lot of time telling you that I perused a lot of magazines to come up with my opinion (I did, but that's not how I came up with them). I could tell you that I've spent every waking moment watching NFL Live, Sportscenter, NFL Total Access, but I'd be lying, because I've spent most of my time watching Investigation Discovery, which gives me a weekly dose of my favorite news correspondent, Troy Roberts (Happy Birthday, Troy!). Yes, I could lie to you, but I'm going to be honest. I'm pulling this pretty much out of my...well, you get the picture.

AFC East

1. New York Jets
2. New England Patriots
3. Miami Dolphins
4. Buffalo Bills

I truly do believe that Rex Ryan's defense is going to eat up the AFC East. Although Tom Brady is playing for a new contract, he has to deal with a petulant Randy Moss, who wants a new contract. God only knows what's happening in Miami with Chad Henne behind center, and even though they managed to pull in Brandon Marshall. Buffalo...well, at least you had the 90's.

AFC South

1. Indianapolis Colts
2. Tennessee Titans
3. Houston Texans
4. Jacksonville Jaguars

Let's face it, this is Peyton's division to lose. Tennessee and Houston have both improved, but I doubt they will knock off Peyton. Watch they prove me wrong. David Garrard, you've always got that super-fly velvet jacket, and Maurice Jones-Drew, you've got video evidence that you knocked down Shawne Merriman. Thaaat's about it, Jacksonville. See ya, in LA unless the Chargers beat you there, too.

AFC North

1. Baltimore Ravens
2. Cincinnati Bengals
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
4. Cleveland Browns

Time is winding down for the scariest man in the NFL Ray Lewis, and I think these guys are going to try to bring home one more ring for Ray-Ray. Cincinnati tasted the good life last year, and it was sweet, but I don't see them repeating. I still don't understand why anybody in Cincy thought it was a good idea to start TO and his little Buddy OchoCinco on the same time. Pittsburgh may surprise us once Big Ben is let out of the naughty boys box (jerk). Sorry, Mike Tomlin, I hope y'all finish behind Cleveland. Cleveland...I got nothing.

AFC West

1. San Diego Chargers
2. Kansas City Chiefs
3. Denver Broncos
4. Oakland Raiders

Even with the injuries and hold-outs in San Diego, I still think the Chargers are the team to beat in the West. Kansas City hired new coordinators, and well...and they are my team. I will not put the Donks or Crazy Al's body shop Raiders, who aren't much better, ahead of my Chiefs. I really do think they will surprise some people this year. They may even beat the Chargers on Monday Night Football, but I would be insane if I said I thought they were going to win the division.

NFC East

1. Dallas Cowboys
2. New York Giants
3. Washington Redskins
4. Philadelphia Eagles

I don't really care...I hope they all rip each other apart. That said. Eli, do me a favor. Reclaim the East. The last thing I need is Cowboys fans winning number 6 before the 49ers, much less winning it in Dallas. Washington is a mess, and Philly has a new quarterback (They are still probably better than me Chiefs.

NFC South

1. Atlanta Falcons
2. New Orleans Saints
3. Carolina Panthers
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

I believe that Atlanta will be much better this year with Matt Ryan entering his 3rd season and his second with Tony Gonzalez. Now, y'all know, I was going to mention TG. Don't hate me Saints fans. I love the Saints just as much as anybody, but I don't see them repeating. Carolina will be better, and Tampa Bay will get to see what Josh Freeman has in him...but maybe next year for both.

NFC North

1. Green Bay Packers
2. Minnesota Vikings
3. Chicago Bears
4. Detroit Lions

I have a feeling that Aaron Rodgers and the Pack are going to run rough shot over the NFC North. I don't care that Lord Favre did decide to grace us with another year. Chicago...Nice knowing you, Lovie. Detroit...you've got Matt Stafford and Ndom..Ndam...*Google* Ndamukong Suh...

NFC West

1. San Francisco 49ers
2. Arizona Cardinals
3. Seattle Seahawks
4. St. Louis Rams

Mike Singletary finally found a way to win with them, and he will continue to do it now that Kurt Warner has left the Arizona Cardinals in the capable hands of...Derek Anderson. It worked well in Cleveland, right...oh, yeah. Matt Hasselbeck will get hurt, and Sam Bradford plays for St. Louis...

AFC Wildcards-New England Patriots, Tennessee Titans
NFC Wildcards-New Orleans Saints, New York Giants

AFC Champions-Baltimore Ravens...I said it...I mean it...It will probably be wrong...but I'm telling you. I feel like this is going to be the Ravens year.

NFC Champions-Green Bay Packers...After much soul searching, I chose Green Bay. I don't know why. I just did. (Saints are making me re-think this right about now.)

Super Bowl XLV Champions-Baltimore Ravens

Well, there they are DianaDishes Predictions Sure to go Wrong. Feel free to tell me that I'm a moron in the comment section. Just remember, you can't call me anything that I haven't been called all ready, probably by my mom...

Enjoy the season! I need to go check my five fantasy teams. Until next time, "There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a penciling."~Robert Brault