Sunday, September 27, 2009

George O’Malley was hit by a bus…so apparently were my teams…

Week two of the fantasy year has come and gone, and I managed to escape it with a 2-2 record. Hey, that’s what happens when you go into the game all cocky and arrogant. The fantasy gods and goddesses kick you in the tuckus. The injury bug has hit my team with a vengeance. It was as if they all passed out at once and visualized December 30, 2009 with me in the fantasy basement. Don’t believe me: LT is still out with that ankle injury, Donovan McNabb cracked rib, Jamal Williams IR (torn triceps), Shawne Merriman groin, Shaun Phillips groin, Jerrious Norwood head injury, Tony Gonzalez back, Anthony Gonzalez knee, Mike Bell knee, the entire Kansas City Chiefs line up….Yes, these are my players…
I want to take a moment to defend one of my players and another team’s players. It’s not something I do very often. Maybe I should but that neither here nor there. Golden boy Tom Brady and (apparent villain?) Shawne Merriman both left the field week one of last year to have surgery on their knees. Merriman’s injury apparently took place during the Tumble in Tennessee in 2007 when two of the Titans players delivered a cheap shot on Merriman after Vince Young literally ran into Merriman. No, he actually ran into Merriman who was standing still at the time. Whatever that may be, the media are already piling on these guys. Look, I have had arthritis in both knees since I was 24, I probably should have surgery, but let’s face it, if I get a paper cut, I’m on IR. Cut these guys some slack. Although I would love it, I don’t expect Merriman to go out there and be the old “Lights Out” today, nor should you. It takes almost two years to get back to 100%. I have been around football players my whole life, and I’ve seen the injuries. Most of us would be calling an ambulance for many of the injuries they play with every week. Brady, as much as it pains me, deserves the same. Did you guys think he was going to come back and repeat the 2007 season? I didn’t. I picked them to win the AFC East, and I still do. But, cut him so slack, he is coming off knee surgery, and his glamazon wife is pregnant. Between her demands in multiple languages and Bill Belichick’s scowl, I surprise this guy is sane. Leave Tom and Shawne alone! They will get better! Now to my week in fantasy…
The Merry Mad Men (2-0) v. New Jersey Girl
My Merry Mad Men went up against New Jersey Girl of the Hell Raisers League. I submitted the following lineup: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-Michael Bennett and Larry Johnson, WR-Donald Driver, Santonio Holmes, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Kaeding, DST-San Diego Chargers.
My Mad Men were out of the gate running with my Player of the Week Kurt Warner dropping 21 points. Tony Gonzalez was solid with 13 and Donald Driver had 15. Apparently, Reggie Wayne disappeared and took Michael Bennett with him as they combined for 4 points. Nate Keading had more points than my entire Chargers D. I have since picked up the 49ers. I’m not about to panic, but I’m getting close. That said The Merry Mad Men defeated New Jersey Girl, 89-58. (She really should read an injury report before posting. I’m just saying.)
Hecate’s HellHounds (1-1) v. Satan’s Children
The HellHounds are my best team. My lineup last week: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and Mike Bell, WRs-Donald Driver, Santonio Holmes, Devery Henderson, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Kaeding, DST-San Diego Chargers. How could I lose, right? The other team had Carson Plamer, Andre Johnson, and Marques Colston who posted over 20 points. Even so, I was still winning when game play resumed Monday night… Enter Adam Vinatieri who stabbed me in the heart with his 9 point performance. HellHounds went down like Fraiser, 112-119. I got beat by a kicker. Somewhere, Rod Woodson is shaking his head at me. I’m sorry. Oh, yeah, Drew Brees was my player of the week. Whatever.
The Crazy 88’s (1-1) v. Green Machine
I started QB-Byron Leftwich, RBs-Larry Johnson and Michael Bennett, WRs-Donald Driver, Torry Holt, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Diego Chargers. This team is still a little suspect to me. Why you ask? My player of the week, Byron Leftwich. That’s right, that Byron Leftwich! Yep, this team=suspicious…Yet, team scraps fell apart like Mississippi State at the one yard line…losing to the Green Machine, 84-90.
Gonzalez y Gonzalez (1-1) v. Kiss the Baby
This is my home league team, and the Crazy 88’s is very suspect. I lined-up: QB-Mark Sanchez, RB-Michael Bennett, Darren Sproles, and Cedric Benson, WR-Justin Gage and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. Everybody knows by now that I still hate how ESPN. LT is still out, and Cutler pulled a McNabb after I benched him. My player of the week-Itty Bitty, Darren Sproles. Gonzalez y Gonzalez said “Child, please” to Kiss the Baby winning 84-62.
I hope at some point Norv realizes that Michael Bennett is a running back for the San Diego Chargers, and one of the Chargers can find some of their swagger. (I have the 49ers in case, but I don’t want to use them, yet.) That’s it for the week that was. Wish me luck guys…
Just remember-"You don't know. You just don't know. You may think you know, but you don't know. And you never will." –Coach Jim Mora, who apparently was talking to me. Good Fantasy week, y’all!

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