Picks from a Maniac Maenad-Week 5

Hey, guys! Welcome to week 5! I apologize for my absence last week during my Chiefs bye...My real job, as you guys know, often takes a lot of time and prep, end of excuse. Anyway I'M BACK!!!! No more bye weeks!!! So, what's happening this week...I'm still having trouble believing that my Chiefs are 3-0 and the last undefeated. Guess who they get next...Peyton...sigh...The biggest news of the week was that Randy Moss, his beard, and the Pats' seventh-round draft pick in 2012 were traded from the Patriots to the Vikings for a third-round 2011 draft pick. Fans are looking forward to the Monday Night game. Will Darrelle Revis be able to strand Moss on Revis Island? Meanwhile, Brett Favre was hoping this trade would divert attention from his naughty little problem. Allegedly, Favre sent salacious texts and pictures of a part of his anatomy that I would rather not think about to a former Jets employee/Playboy model/Versus girl Jenn Sterger. Sigh, now really, Paw-Paw. That's just...creepy...ewww...uber-creepy...ewww...

In other news, the suspendeds are coming, the suspendeds are coming...Ben Roethlisberger is returning after serving his suspension for being a "naughty boy." I still hate him. Brian Cushing is returning after his PEDs suspension. Santonio Holmes finally shows up in a Jets uniform. Hopefully, all of these "bad boys" have learned their lesson and will never, EVER, commit these infractions again...*side-eye*

In injury news, my fantasy football curse has struck again. It appears that just merely appearing on my roster will get you hurt. It's like the kiss of death. So far, it has effected the Green Bay Packers the worse having taken out both Ryan Grant and Nick Barnett. They join Ray Rice, Pierre Thomas, Ryan Mathews, (apparently, Running Backs are the worse), Shawne Merriman and multiple others on the Chargers DEF/ST, Clinton Portis, Ahmad Bradshaw, Austin Collie, Matt Stafford, and Pierre Garcon. I will not be held responsible for Anthony Gonzalez...That dude is apparently made of glass and porcelain.

Well, y'all despite the big names that appear on my fantasy roster, a quarter of the way through the season, my teams are still not fairing well.

• Hecates's HellHounds of the League of Champions league: 3-1
• Kansas City Chiefs of the Dynasty Orginization League: 2-2
• Runtelldat Homeboys of the Big Easy League: 2-2
  
• The Cromartie Eight of the Football Fist Pump League: 1-3
• Matching Mugshots of the Atypical Sports Show League: 0-4

Hecate's HellHounds are performing very well, while Matching Mugshots are the 49ers of my fantasy teams. SMH...Sigh...I think I might need to retire as a fantasy manager. This is just sad...

Before my hiatus, I was 18-13. I went 11-5 in week 3, bringing my current record to 29-18. Not bad, a heck of a lot better than my fantasy record.

Green Bay Packers at Washington Redskins: Green Bay

Jacksonville Jaguars at Buffalo Bills: Jacksonville

Kansas City Chiefs at Indianapolis Colt: Kansas City. I've got to stand behind my boys.

Atlanta Falcons at Cleveland Brown: Atlanta

Denver Broncos at Baltimore Raven: Baltimore

Chicago Bears at Carolina Panther: Chicago

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Cincinnati Bengals: Cincinnati

St. Louis Rams at Detroit Lions: St. Louis

New York Giants at Houston Texans: Houston

New Orleans Saints at Arizona Cardinals: New Orleans

Tennessee Titans at Dallas Cowboys: Dallas

San Diego Chargers at Oakland Raiders: San Diego

Philadelphia Eagles at San Francisco 49ers: San Francisco

Monday Night Football-Minnesota Vikings at New York Jets: New York Jets

Those are my picks guys. Same time, same place next week. Until next time, "One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best." - Alan Shearer