NFL Conference Championship Weekend...Stage 4

Welcome to Championship Weekend, ladies and gents. Yeah, no exclamation point because neither team that I picked for the Super Bowl is left in the dance. My Chiefs will once again not lift the Lamar Hunt trophy in victory. Sigh...I really cannot stand Tom Brady and the Patriots. I figure in my fandom stages of grief that I'm at Stage four-depression and reflection. Oh, how this could have been such a great story to look back upon if my Chiefs had been able to lift that Super Bowl trophy in San Francisco with Joe Montana handing the trophy to Andy Reid. Alas, it is not to be...

Instead, we are watching Brady vs. Manning XVII. The AFC Championship will once again involve Tom Brady and the Patriots and Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos. During any other time in his storied career, this Chiefs fan, who lost a fair share of playoff games to Pey-Pey and the Colts, would root for Peyton Manning against the Emperor and Darth Vader. No, no...I like Darth Vader, and I'm not going to compare Brady to Vader. Vader, at least had some redeeming qualities. Belichick and Brady are more...Sauron and Saruman...yeah...just evil..., I apologize for the nerd digression. I could go into stats about who has won more, yards, blah, blah, blah, but truth be told, I wish both teams could fall into a large hole like the aforementioned villains, while all of their opponents cheered like the men of the West. As I said earlier, I would usually root for Peyton, but since he joined the Broncos, that so is not going to happen. In a game I absolutely care nothing about, I believe the Pats will win, again. Yeah, the hate is strong in this one...


I would like to say I care about the NFC championship game, but truth be told, I don't. I really don't. I have no feelings about either of these teams. I don't hate them, I don't root for them, I truly don't care about either of these teams. Yes, they have performed extraordinarily well this year. they have fought off the Packers and the Seahawks, and everybody else. They have been the best teams all year, and they both deserve to be here. I like Cam Newton somewhat, and I like Larry Fitzgerald somewhat. What do you want from me? They aren't Tony Gonzalez, so yeah, I'm not fawning over either. (Let's Face it, I'm strictly an AFC girl, and I only watched the NFC because the Chiefs saw fit to ship Tony G to the Falcons, and the Saints are pretty much the home team of my home town.) I have not dog in this fight, so I'm picking Carolina. They have been the best all year, and it would warm my cold heart to have Cam Newton flex a dab in Tom Brady's smug mug at the end of the Super Bowl.


That's all I've got. Until next week, we bid farewell with a tribute to the late Glenn Frey who passed away this past week, "Take it easy, take it easy
Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy
Lighten up while you still can
Don't even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand, and take it easy...
We may lose and we may win, though we will never be here again
So open up I'm climbin' in, so take it easy"

I Scream with The Grudge of every Chiefs fan who watches The Shining Broncos.

Welcome back, boys and girls. This past week has been Favrepalossa. Thank goodness the Packers and the Vikings play twice a year or we would never be able to see Brett Favre. I mean, I have hardly heard anything about Old man Favre this year. I wasn’t even aware he was still in the league…*rolling eyes.* Clearly, I don’t care. Larry Johnson insulted his coach, his team, the fans, and homosexuals everywhere (did I miss anybody) this week. So he was suspended for conduct detrimental to the team; that could practically apply to any Chiefs player who has taken the field impersonating an NFL player. Thank goodness they are off this week. At least, they can’t lose. People are still giving my boy Shawne Merriman a hard time because he still doesn’t have a sack. He almost had one against the Chiefs, and from what I saw he was moving much better, but folks, he is still not completely healthy. I’m just happy to have him on the field. I still hate the Cowboys, Raiders, and Broncos. Tom Cable is reportedly (according to ESPN) an abuser of women. We know he’s an abuser of men, and like his quarterback, an abuser of the occasional donut. All jokes aside (which is hard to do because the Raiders are a joke), the NFL needs to review these accusations. I don’t really see Crazy Al retaining him after this year, but then again, the only reliable thing about Crazy Al is that he is unreliable. Mark Sanchez tried not to mock the Raiders by eating a hot dog on the sideline. Thank you, Mark. Peyton was Peyton.
There is a lot of horror in the NFL this year. The Chiefs, Bucs, Lions, Rams, Browns, Raiders, and Redskins all suck. They are like watching Wrong Turn on Friday the 13th into A Nightmare on Elm Street. It should be illegal to be this bad. The NFL should take the Shield off their helmets. Two of these teams, the Rams and Lions, will be playing this week…And no one will care.
Last week, I went an impressive 3-1 in the fantasy game. Yes, I was just as shocked as you are. I still don’t know how, but I’m about to do a victory lap…
The Merry Mad Men (4-3) v. maniacs
My Merry Mad Men went up against maniacs of the Hell Raisers League. I took the “field” with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Larry Johnson, WR-Donald Driver, Santonio Holmes, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.
My MadMen slipped again, but this time it was my fault. I left 74 points on the bench. That’s right 74 points on the bench. I started Larry Johnson (that Eric Kuselias) over Ricky Williams. Bad, idea. Started Tony Gonzalez over Vernon Davis. Davis and Williams had 54 points between the two of them. I…I have no words to describe how disappointed I am with my managing. My Players of the Week were on the bench, but of the one’s playing, The San Diego Chargers D/ST tried to stop the bleeding, but the MadMen lost to the Maniacs 99-103.
Hecate’s HellHounds (2-5) v. Kung Pow 2009
The HellHounds have upgraded to the Washington Redskins of their fantasy league. Not much of an upgrade, but it’s something. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and Mike Bell, WRs-Mike Wallace, Santonio Holmes, Donald Driver, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. This team…sucked…so badly. I just don’t know… Lindell, Holmes and Grant all had 10 points. Gonzalez had 11. My player of the week was for the first time this season the San Diego Chargers D/ST with 26 points. My Hell pups finally pulled out a victory beating Kung Pow 2009 119-93.
The Crazy 88’s (3-4) v. Tbaggers
The 88’s are like watching a tennis match, back and forth. I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Larry Johnson and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Reggie Wayne, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Diego Chargers. My Player of the Week was the Chargers D/St with their 26 points against my beloved Chiefs. The Crazy 88’s edged the Tbaggers 95-87. That’s all I’ve got to say about that.
Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez (3-4) v. Lee’s Lil Nazis
Lee’s Lil Nazis (SMH…He was influenced by Inglorious Basterds) is run by our league commissioner, another of my former students. My team underwent a name change last week since the other Gonzalez hasn’t been seen since week one (is he still on the roster?). Lee was playing with Drew Brees. I lined-up: QB-Jay Cutler, RB-LDT, Mike bell and Cedric Benson, WR-Mike Wallace and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. My player of the week was Cedric “I got some new tread” Benson with 24 points. Gonzalez minus un Gonzalez spanked the Lil Nazis 103-62. I’m trying not to be smug…Trying…
Dear Shawne Merriman,
As I said last week, I know that it is tough playing with the injuries you have had over the last few weeks, the groin and Achilles, but this week you play the Raiders. You have 6.5 sacks against the Raiders. You guys are home at the Q, and y’all are playing JaMarcus “It’s not my Fault” Russell. Please unleash that pent up anger upon the Raiders. Release the sack monster upon the Raider offense. I really, don’t care how. Cheat if you must…just don’t get caught (I won’t tell). I also would not mind if you “accidentally” bumped head coach Tom Cable (a la Charlie Weis *wink-wink*). Today, would be a good day to try and tie Derrick’s sack record, okay. Thanks.
Your fan and fantasy team owner, DianaDishes
Well, that’s all I’ve got guys. Until next week kids… As the Great Vince Lombardi said, “It's easy to have faith in yourself and have discipline when you're a winner, when you're number one. What you got to have is faith and discipline when you're not a winner.” Have a good fantasy week, y’all…