Picks from a Maniac Maenad-Week 3

It's week three everybody, and parity is running rampant in the NFL. Once again, up is down and down is up. Who would have thought that going into week 3 the Chiefs, Dolphins, Texans, and Buccaneers would be sitting atop their divisions with 2-0 records? Who could have foreseen that Dallas, Minnesota, and San Francisco floundering in the basement with the same 0-2 record as the Lions, Bills, and Browns? It's craziness!!! Sheer Craziness!!!

The Jets upset the New England Patriots on Sunday (yeah, I said it. How many people besides Jets fans thought they were going to win last Sunday?), and then Braylon Edwards proceeded to get a DWI. Sigh...I'll talk about that later, but seriously, the Jets need to reign in their players. With Miami currently at the top and New England always in the hunt, there is too much foolishness going on in that locker room. From top to bottom, get it together Jets, you have too much talent to become the Raiders.

Michael Vick showed that he still has a lot of Michael Vick left in him. Then, lost the starting job to Kevin Kolb, then gained the job back within the span of two days. I can see that Andy Reid has been reading the Brett Favre book How to Waffle and Try not to Appear like a Moron. Speaking of "Paw-Paw" Favre, what is going on in Minnesota? Favre looked like a grandfather last week on the sidelines of that game (he seriously looked like he was wishing for a Barcalounger and a remote control).

Tennessee pulled Vince Young, again for Kerry Collins after the Pittsburgh and Troy Polomalu ran rough shot over the Titans. Young will be behind center today, but he looked bad last Sunday. I'm not talking about my Chiefs. Washington fell apart as the Texans took over the AFC South. Tampa Bay and Josh Freeman are showing much improvement and are tied with the Saints in the South. San Diego took apart the Jacksonville Jaguars on a week I had them on the bench. Saints are still playing like the champs.

I am having a hard time in fantasy. My record thus far is a pathetic 2-10...My five teams have been stinking to high heaven...I have great players who are not doing great things. Hecate's Hellhounds rolled last week on the legs of Adrian Peterson and the arm of Philip Rivers. The Runtelldat Homeboys barely cleared the hurdle with Miles Austin leading the team. The Cromartie Eight, Kansas City Chiefs (unlike the real Chiefs), and Matching Mugshots are still swimming in a flooded basement.

I was 8-8 last week, mostly because I was a buster rolling behind Dallas, Minnesota and New England. My record pick record is still slightly above .500 at 18-13. Let's see how I will fair this week.

Cincinnati v. Carolina-Cincinnati
Buffalo v. New England-New England
San Francisco v. Kansas City-My ex-husband vs. my current. My upset of the day *closing my eyes* Kansas City Chiefs
Tennessee v. New York Giants-New York Giants
Cleveland v. Baltimore-Baltimore
Pittsburgh v. Tampa Bay-Pittsburgh
Atlanta v. New Orleans-I have 4 fantasy players in this game: Tony Gonzalez, Drew Brees, Pierre Thomas and Jason Snelling. New Orleans
Detroit v. Minnesota-Minnesota, although Detroit looked really good last week.
Dallas v. Houston-Houston. I can't even look at Dallas.
Philadelphia v. Jacksonville-Even with the foolishness in Philly, I'm taking the Eagles
Washington v. St. Louis. Washington
Indianapolis v. Denver-Indianapolis
Oakland v. Arizona-Arizona
San Diego v. Seattle-San Diego
New York Jets v. Miami-New York Jets

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL: Green Bay v. Chicago. Chicago is much improved with that new Mike Martz's offense. I still don't trust Cutler. I'm going with Aaron Rodgers and the Packers.

Well, that's all I've got folks. Until next week "It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up." Vince Lombardi

What's Past is Prologue...

Last Tuesday morning, Braylon Edwards was arrested on charges of driving while intoxicated. He blew a .16 which was twice the legal limit. Once again, Braylon Edwards was tied to making a bad decision (he is on probation for punching a friend of LeBron James outside of a night club), but because he is a great player (allegedly), Braylon, at some point today, will dress and take the field. Fans are yelling they want him on the field. Media pundits, debating whether or not he should be on the field because of the CBA. Coach Rex Ryan, I want him on the field. I guess, winning is the most important thing. It still seems that the fact that Minnesota and Dallas are 0-2 was a more important topic.

Juxtapose it with this. What if Braylon Edwards had popped positive for steroid? Think about it for a minute. Both activities are illegal, but let's be real, when was the last time someone was arrested for using steroids. I guarantee you that there would be more press about that. He would be brutalized in the press, just like Brian Cushing was when he tested positive, who has been sitting at the house the last two weeks and will be for two more. Seriously, why don't people take drunk driving more seriously? Is it because "everybody has done it once"? Does that make it okay?

Using steroids is cheating, but padding stats with steroids only hurts records and the one player doing it. Drunk driving is a threat to us all. I have lost two people I care about to drunk drivers. My father's alcoholism contributed to his death at 47. It is a major problem still among teenagers. Binge drinking is still prevalent everywhere. Yet, most people just care about when Braylon takes the field.

As a teacher, I made the decicion not to drink. If I get a DUI/DWI, I will be out of a job. Why am I held to higher standard than an NFL player who is watched my millions? It is because I'm a role model whether I like it or not. Some teenagers spend more time with their teachers than they do with their parents, and let's face it, many more spend a lot more time with a television or a computer. As such, you have to make sacrifices. How would you Jets fans feel if Brayon had injured or God forbid killed one or all of the four other passengers in the car, including teammates tackle D’Brickashaw Ferguson and defensive end Vernon Gholston. This isn't my first foray into this topic. In May 2009, I posted the following article, "Who is the real bad guy?"

I was equally devasted this morning when I logged on the the net to see that Bruce Smith, the leader of that defence and NFL Hall of Famer, arrested for drunk driving. This was not his first, not his second, but his third DUI arrest. I was stunned. Although no convictions, three DUI arrests. He's not the first look at this list: Vincent Jackson, Joba Chamberlain, Charles Barkley, Carmelo Anthony, Lawyer Milloy, Zach Randolf, Donte Stallworth, Jerremy Stevens, Jim Leyritz, Tony LaRussa, Koren Robinson, Chris Henry, Warren Moon, Brian Bosworth, Deltha O'Neal, Javon Kerse, Cedric Benson, Ken Stabler, Biren Ealy, Kolomona Kapanui, Leon Hall, Dominic Rhodes, Jared Allen, etc. All of these arrests have happened within the past 3 years. All they had to do was call a cab, hire a limo, or give the keys to a sober friend! Many of these guys go around in posses, tell Jo-Jo he can't drink because he's driving tonight.

Apparently, because it is legal to purchase alcohol in the U.S. if you are over 21, this is not a big deal to the media. It should be. Two of these men are looking at serious jail time for killing people, Donte Stallworth and Jim Leyritz, and Leonard Little was convicted in 1998 for killing a woman.

Last week, I listened to literally hours of pundits berating Manny Ramirez for his hcg prescription, Roger Clemens for his "alleged" steriod use, and before that, Alex Rodriguez, before him, Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Raphael Palmiero, etc. HOURS. Hour after hour of coverage about Manny and Alex. Minutes of coverage about Donte Stallworth. Why? Is drunk driving not a "sexy" enough story? Is it played out? Obviously not.

I am not slapping Manny on the wrist; he deserves whatever happens to him. I have no sympathy as far as that is concerned. However, why are these "cheaters" worse than the men I've listed? Did Manny and the other break the law? Yes, if they took steroids, they did break the law. Should they be punished? Yes, if it can be proven that they broke the law, then they should be punished. But, why are these men pariahs, and the others are not.

Both are crimes. Yet, the media will analyze every angle of the Manny Ramirez story, but there was hardly any information on Donte Stallworth's "accidentally" killing Mario Reyes with his Bentley. The largest story involving athletes and drunk driving was the tragic death of Nick Adenhart and two of his friends last month. The man driving the van that killed Adenhart was drunk (that driver was a multiple DUI offender). It, too, quickly faded to the back page once there was more A-Rod and Manny fodder.

I have to roll my eyes every time I hear these self-righteous media types talk about how steroids influences the kids, how the kids are going to follow, how these role models are ruining kids...I have been an educator for a little over ten years. I have only heard rumors (no proof) about steriods among teenagers around. I have heard of several incidents of suicides related to steroid use over a period of years. In a 2006 poll, only 2.7% of the 12th grades polled had used or experimented with steroids. 31.5% of teenagers had experimented with alcohol. Alcohol abuse, however, is more prevalent among teenagers. Take the state of Texas for example. This year, Texas was considering ending steroid testing because only 11 out of 29,000 students in two years tested positive. Eleven out of 29,000. By comparison in 2007 alone, Texas had 1,292 alcohol related fatalities, 202 were teenagers.

Alcohol is the leading cause of death among teenagers. I have not seen the media pundits wringing their hands about that. I have not heard them demand apologies from these men. I have not seen this prevent some of these players from going into the Hall of Fame. Why? Because it did not happen on the fields or courts? So let me get this straight. Manny, Roger, and Barry are worse than these guys who not only put themselves in danger, but they put us all in danger. Thankfully, most of these guys were picked up before they killed someone. The only thing Manny and Alex hurt was themselves and statistics. I don't think any fans have died because of padded statistics.

Every 15 minutes, someone dies in an alcohol-related car crash. Think about that. That means that during the time that the Jets/Dolphins game is on the air tonight, roughly three hours, 12 people will lose their lives. While we watch that game, 12 people will be taking their last breath. 12 people will never see any of their child's firsts. 12 people won't get an opportunity to see their children grow up. 12 people won't get to graduate from high school. 12 people won't get to walk their daughters down the aisle. 12 families will lose a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, an aunt, an uncle, a grandparent. 12 schools will lose young people who could have found the cure for cancer, brought about peace, or discover the next first. 12 sets principals, teachers, and counselors will have to explain to young people why that desk beside, behind, or in front of them is empty. But, that's okay, because "everybody does it," right?

As an NFL fan, I believe the NFL should have as strict a policy on DWI as they do steroids. I also believe that states need to also have stiffer penalties on DUI/DWI charges. The rules also should also apply to the people in the stands and watching at home. Just because they sell it, doesn't mean you have to buy it. If you "have" to drink, give up the keys, call a cab, or call a friend. People still don't take this as seriously as they should. Drunk drivers put all of our lives at risk. A drunk person behind the wheel of a car is a loaded gun without a safety. It may not always go off, but when it does the results can be tragic.

Picks from a Maniac Maenad-Week 2

Happy Tony Gonzalez Day!!! It's week two ladies and gentleman! How was your team's week one? Mine? Fantastic!!! My Chiefs, who had not played on Monday Night Football since 2006, beat division rival the San Diego Chargers. Yeah, I was surprised, too. It was a coming out party for Romeo Crennel's defense lead by Tamba Hali, Derrick Johnson, and guess who else showed up, Glenn Dorsey. It was also a welcome to Arrowhead to Dexter "Run DMC" McCluster and Javier Arenas. McCluster who set a team record with a 94 yard punt return. These guys are bringing the faithful back. The offense was as usual offensive, pun intended. Matt Cassell with only 68 yards? Jamaal Charles looked pretty good with 92 yards and a touchdown. TE Tony Moeaki channeled a little TG by scoring a TD. Charlie Weis work harder on the offense and less on clogging your arteries, 'kay?

In other news, Bob Sanders is out (shocking I know) and Anthony Gonzalez is out (I see he is following the Bob Sanders model for football careers). Here is a stat on Bob Sanders. He has played 48 of the 97 games since he has been drafted. Bob Sanders is Football's answer to Mike Hampton...Big money for 2 or 3 games a year. Sheesh. Kevin Kolb is out after suffering a concussion in a game that saw way too many injuries. The Eagles/Packers saw Kolb out, Stewart Bradley has a concussion, Leonard Weaver has a torn ACL, and Ryan Grant messed up his ankle (He and Weaver are out for the year.). Dear NFL, as much as I would like an 18 game season, this game (plus Connor Barwin of the Texans disturbing injury) was reason enough not to have one. I actually would like my favorite players to be able to have healthy lives after football.

Michael Vick showed glimpses of the old Michael Vick, Tom Brady and the Pats ran rough-shot over Cincinnati, but two of the biggest stories of the week were Reggie Bush and Inez Sainz. Reggie gave back the Heisman trophy this week, without admitting anything. Reggie, I'm aware that many college athletes take money, just as I'm aware that some take steroids, are binge drinkers, and cheat in the classroom, too. That said, it doesn't make it right. Sure players should probably receive some of the revenue from the sale of their jerseys or their likeness; however, they know what they are signing up for. They promise just like other scholarship students to maintain integrity. Sorry, Reggie, you got caught. Just like the cheater in the classroom or the speeder on the highway, everybody does it, but you got caught. Too bad, so sad. On average, one year at USC costs over $50,000. That's more than some adults make working every single day. That's not enough? You want them to pay for your parents, too? You want them to pay for custom suits and fancy cars, too? Sorry, that's for after college, just like all of the other students. Until the rules change, follow them or don't get caught. Don't feel too bad for Reggie. He has a Super Bowl ring, a gambit of girlfriends, and millions of dollars, while USC lost 30 football scholarships over three years and vacated 14 victories in which Bush played from December 2004 through the 2005 season. Reggie cost 30 other kids the opportunity to shine at USC.

This is all I have to say about the Inez Sainz vs. the Jets story. Really? On both cases. You are grown men working in a professional capacity. You are professionals and your office is the field and the locker room as the way the rules are written now. Act like it. How would you feel if that reporter had been your sister, wife or other female relative? Even if she were wearing a bikini and stripper heels, she was granted a press credential. You have to treat her as a member of the press, period. You are not 12 year old boys with no self-control. You are grown men. Act like it. Ms. Sainz, I'm aware that you have a "provocative style" that you don't want to change. I'm not saying that you deserved whatever was said or done to you (still unclear to this day). You have a responsibility to act like a grown up, too. You are not a 20-something newbie. You are a 32 year old woman. Act like it. When you are in the studio, do whatever you bosses will allow you to do, but when you are in the field dress appropriately. Act like a professional. If you don't know how, see Pam Oliver or Suzy Kolber, I'm sure they can help you out. If both parties had acted like professionals we wouldn't have had a story. Period.

I don't even want to talk about how my fantasy teams went 0-5 last week. Turrible, just Turrible. *Throws hands in the air.* Giving up my manager card...

I did a better job with my picks last week going 10-5. Thanks San Francisco, Indy, Atlanta, Denver, and Dallas for messing up what could have been a good week. So here we go!

Pittsburgh vs. Tennessee- Tennessee
Baltimore vs. Cincinnati- Baltimore
Philadelphia vs. Detroit-Philadelphia
Arizona vs. Atlanta-I'm picking Falcons as they celebrate Tony Gonzalez day

Miami vs. Minnesota-Lorenzo and the Vikings
Kansas City vs. Cleveland-Romeo Crennel and his defense roll into town to take on the team that fired him. Taking my Chiefs!!!!
Tampa Bay vs. Carolina-Carolina
Buffalo vs. Green Bay-Aaron and the Packers
Chicago vs. Dallas-Dallas to rebound
Seattle vs. Denver-Seattle
St. Louis vs. Oakland-(can we call this a draw?) St. Louis, just because I hate Oakland
Jacksonville vs. San Diego- Merriman v. Jones-Drew II, San Diego to rebound.

I'm a little mean, so I hope Merriman returns the favor...

New England vs. New York Jets-New England, because I think Brady and Belichick are already licking their chops.
Houston vs. Washington-Houston
New York Giants v. Indianapolis Colts-I'm taking big brother Peyton to win this game
MNF-San Francisco vs. New Orleans-New Orleans, even though I would love to see the 49ers win the night they retire Jerry Rice's jersey.

That's it guys. Until next week... "That was a disgraceful performance. We threw that game away. We gave them the game. It was pitiful, absolutely pitiful"~Jim Mora. Thanks, coach.

Congratulations #88 on #1000

As many of the readers of this blog know, I am a huge, HUGE, fan of one Anthony David Gonzalez. I first saw Tony Gonzalez on the basketball court during March Madness 1997. I didn't know who he was because 1) I'm an SEC fan, 2) I barely watched basketball especially college, and 3) although I shouldn't, I ignore every football team outside of the SEC. I was the pet project of my next door neighbors, who felt that it was their job in life to show me how to have a good time. They were the first to take me to New Orleans, which through my eyes was like walking through the eighth circle of hell. They invited me over to their March Madness party, which really was just an excuse to have a party. That was the when I was introduced to Tony Gonzalez.

A little over a month later, my team, the Kansas City Chiefs, drafted Tony Gonzalez with the 13th overall pick. I was busy trying to wipe the "huh, what?" look from my face. I was all like, "WTH, KC, you drafted a basketball player?" It was then, I learned that TG was also a star TE for Cal. I paused and thought to myself "Well, at least he's cute." After the first two years, the cuteness was starting to wear off, because our first round pick had a severe case of the "Can he play this position in the NFL" disease. It was then that some switch was turned on, and he became the Tony Gonzalez that we have all grown to love.

Just how awesome is Tony Gonzalez let me list the ways:

Records

Kansas City Chiefs

• Career receptions (916 as of December 30, 2008)
• Career receiving yards (10,940 as of December 30, 2008)
• Career receiving touchdowns (76 as of December 30, 2008)
• Career yards from scrimmage (10,954 as of December 30, 2008)
• Consecutive games with a reception (130 as of December 30, 2008)

NFL

• Receptions in a single season for a tight end (102, 2004 season)
• Career receiving yards for a tight end (11,807 as of today)
• Career receptions for a tight end (999 will be the first TE to 1000)
• Career receiving touchdowns for a tight end (82 as of today)
• Most seasons with 1,000+ receiving yards by a tight end (4)
• 11,000 receiving yards (21st player and 1st Tight End)

Awards

• 10× Pro Bowl selection (1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008)
• 6× First-Team All-Pro selection (1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2008)
• 3× Second-Team All-Pro selection (2004, 2006, 2007)
• NFL 2000s All Decade Team

His career stats as of this morning September 13, 2010
999 career receptions
11,807 receiving yards
82 touchdowns
6 fumbles (Adrian Peterson learn)

Did you also know that Tony has 15 solo defensive tackles, or that he also completed a 40 yard pass with the Chiefs? He also played special teams with the Chiefs. Did you know that he is the only TE to receive 50 or more receptions for 12 straight years? He is currently #7 on the list of 1000 catch receivers behind Jerry Rice (1549), Marvin Harrison (1102), Cris Carter (1101), Tim Brown (1094), Issac Bruce (1024), Terrell Owens (1006), and TG. The next closest active player is Randy Moss with 926. Are you seeing how special a player Gonzalez is?

There have only been 12 starting quarterbacks in Kansas City Chiefs History, Tony has received passes from 7 of them. Take a look at this list: Elvis Grbac, Rich Gannon, Warren Moon (HOF Class of 2006), Trent Green, Damon Huard, Brodie Croyle, and Tyler Thigpen. The Kansas City Chiefs have only had 11 head coaches, Tony has played for 4 of them-Marty Schottenheimer, Gunther Cunningham, Dick Vermeil, and Herman Edwards.

At some point today, Tony Gonzalez will receive his first pass of the season from Matt Ryan. That catch will be the 1000th catch of his illustrious career. I would love to see the catch, however, our local Fox affiliate is showing Panthers/Giants. One of my biggest regrets is that I have never seen TG play in person, but I can still say I have seen one of the greatest players in NFL history in his prime, and he played for my team. Congratulations, Tony on #1000.

You are now standing alone as the Greatest Tight End of All Time!!!

Picks from a Maniac Maenad-Week 1

Happy First Football Sunday of the Season! It's been a busy week in the NFL. In their first game in defense of their Super Bowl championship, the New Orleans Sainst open the season with a win against the against a petulant Brett Favre (congratulations on the Baptism of your grandchild Paw-Paw Brett.). Vernon Davis became the highest paid TE in the league. Tom Brady had a car accident. His car was totaled, but his hair came out perfect. Reggie Bush all but washed his hands of the Heisman Trophy, while Tony Dungy thought he should give it back.

Shawne Merriman has an achilles injury which may keep him out of the Monday Night Game against the Chiefs. Antonio "I forget how many kids I have" Cromartie declared that the Jets are "The Miami Heat of football," while Ray Lewis debuted his Old Spice Swagger commercial (just wow on that commercial), and told the Jets that their coach was writing a check that they were going to have to cash, to which Bart Scott added, "I heard that (Lewis) said something but I could care less what he said,” said Scott. “That’s what he does. Whatever. That’s just part of the show. I could care less.”

Commentators criticized the players for showin solidarity during the opening game. Prognosticators around the league started dropping their predictions for teams going to the Super Bowl. Did I miss any thing? Oh, yeah, Darnell Dockett tweeted that only ex-NFL players should be making predictions. Darnell, you shouldn't be tweeting half-naked pictures of yourself, and since you told me I shouldn't, I'm going to do it anyway.

I haven't made picks in two years, when I use to have a sad little blog on MySpace (My how times have changed). Sooooooo, here goes nothing...

Oakland at Tennessee. Vince Young is back at the reins as the Titans starting quarterback, while Jason Campbell is steering the hooptie known as the Oakland Raiders. I'm taking Tennessee.

Carolina at New York. The Christening of new Meadowlands stadium. Eli and his scar taking on the Steve Smith, his scar, and his quarterback Matt Moore. Taking Eli and the G-Men.

Indianapolis at Houston. Peyton and the boys are headed to the Lone Star state to take on Matt Shaub and the Texans. The Texans can't seem to win againts the Colts, even when they have a 17 point lead in the 4th quarter. I don't see that changing today, taking the Colts.

Denver at Jacksonville. The little hoodie and the Broncs head down to Jacksonville so a sell out crowd can pout that Tim Tebow is not on their sideline. Kyle Orton is still pondering why the coach is the only one that realizes that he is the starting quarterback. David Garrard is wondering where did it all go so wrong, and Maurice Jones-Drew keeps running and running and running. Although it sickens me to say it, Denver over Jacksonville.

Atlanta at Pittsburgh. Matt Ryan, Tony Gonzalez, and the Falcons make the trek up to Heinz field to take on the Ben Roethlisberger-less Steelers under the direction of Dennis Dixon. With his first catch, Tony Gonzalez will become the first Tight End to join the 1000 catch club. Troy Polamalu and his hair are back on the field today once again making that D very potent, but I'm taking the Falcons.

Miami at Buffalo. Boy, I'm glad I won't be watching this game. Dolphins win. That's all I got.

Detroit at Chicago. The Bears have got a lot to prove this year. They added Julius Peppers, and they still have that petulant crybaby Jay Culter, who for someone who hasn't won a dang thing thinks he's God's gift to football. Lovie...good luck. Today is the debut of Ndamukong Suh (please slam Cutler for me!), and Matt Stafford begins his sophomore year as the starting QB. Taking the Bears.

Cincinnati at New England. Ochocinco and TO take their bromance to Foxborough to take on Tom Brady, his new contract, Randy Moss, his petulant ego, and the New England Patriots. Even though Cincinnati has one of the best Defenses in the league, I'm still going with the Patriots.

Cleveland at Tampa Bay. See Dolphins/Bills. Tampa Bay.

San Francisco at Seattle. Mike Singletary has whipped the 49ers into a team that is beginning to resemble the glory days in San Francisco. The NFL West is ripe for the picking with Kurt Warner retiring to become the next dancer on DWTS. Seattle debuts their new head coach Pete "I didn't do it" Carroll and their old, fragile quarterback Matt Hasselbeck. 49ers...

Green Bay at Philadelphia. Aaron "Yes, I am that Quarterback" Rodgers and the Pack are headed to Philly to take on Kevin Kolb, DeSean "I should quit Twitter" Jackson, and the new-fangled Eagles. Aaron and the Pack.

Arizona at St. Louis. The Cards debut their new quarterback Derek Anderson against the Rams and their new quarterback Sam Bradford. *flipping a coin* Cardinals.

Dallas at Washington. Tony Romo and Cowboys are headed to the most hostile territory for a Cowboy-FedEx Field to take on Donovan McNabb, Mike "The Tan" Shanahan and the Redskins. Hoping Albert Haynesworth is going to put on his big boy pants and show rather than tell everybody how "good" he is. I trying not to throw up as I pick the Cowboys.

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

Baltimore at New York. The trash talking has been back and forth all week for this game. Rex and his boys get to play in their brand new stadium, and Ray Lewis intends to shut their mouths. I'm taking the Ravens.

San Diego Chargers at Kansas City Chiefs. My boys are debuting New Arrowhead on Monday Night Football for the first time since 2004. The Chargers are a bit in disarray, but they still have Philip Rivers tossing the ball. I'm dancing out on thin limb here and picking...The Kansas City Chiefs.

That's it. Until next week, "The truth is you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed."-Eminem

I don't know about you, but I'm ready for some football!!!!!!!!!!

DianaDishes Predictions Sure to Go Wrong...

Glory, Glory, Hallelujah!!! The long break is over!! It's time for some football!!! It's hard to believe that the NFL season ended 214 days ago with the New Orleans Saints lifting the Lombardi Trophy and celebrated with a party the size of which the Big Easy has never seen, and may never see again. Tonight, the Saints are going to take the field against Brett Favre and the Minnesota Vikings, the team they snuffed out in the AFC Championship game.

So, everyone is giving their two cents about who will win in which conference, and why they will be the team to be the first to hold up the Lombardi Trophy while standing on the Star in Cowboy Stadium. Well, that's not me. I'm not going to spend a lot of time telling you that I perused a lot of magazines to come up with my opinion (I did, but that's not how I came up with them). I could tell you that I've spent every waking moment watching NFL Live, Sportscenter, NFL Total Access, but I'd be lying, because I've spent most of my time watching Investigation Discovery, which gives me a weekly dose of my favorite news correspondent, Troy Roberts (Happy Birthday, Troy!). Yes, I could lie to you, but I'm going to be honest. I'm pulling this pretty much out of my...well, you get the picture.

AFC East

1. New York Jets
2. New England Patriots
3. Miami Dolphins
4. Buffalo Bills

I truly do believe that Rex Ryan's defense is going to eat up the AFC East. Although Tom Brady is playing for a new contract, he has to deal with a petulant Randy Moss, who wants a new contract. God only knows what's happening in Miami with Chad Henne behind center, and even though they managed to pull in Brandon Marshall. Buffalo...well, at least you had the 90's.

AFC South

1. Indianapolis Colts
2. Tennessee Titans
3. Houston Texans
4. Jacksonville Jaguars

Let's face it, this is Peyton's division to lose. Tennessee and Houston have both improved, but I doubt they will knock off Peyton. Watch they prove me wrong. David Garrard, you've always got that super-fly velvet jacket, and Maurice Jones-Drew, you've got video evidence that you knocked down Shawne Merriman. Thaaat's about it, Jacksonville. See ya, in LA unless the Chargers beat you there, too.

AFC North

1. Baltimore Ravens
2. Cincinnati Bengals
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
4. Cleveland Browns

Time is winding down for the scariest man in the NFL Ray Lewis, and I think these guys are going to try to bring home one more ring for Ray-Ray. Cincinnati tasted the good life last year, and it was sweet, but I don't see them repeating. I still don't understand why anybody in Cincy thought it was a good idea to start TO and his little Buddy OchoCinco on the same time. Pittsburgh may surprise us once Big Ben is let out of the naughty boys box (jerk). Sorry, Mike Tomlin, I hope y'all finish behind Cleveland. Cleveland...I got nothing.

AFC West

1. San Diego Chargers
2. Kansas City Chiefs
3. Denver Broncos
4. Oakland Raiders

Even with the injuries and hold-outs in San Diego, I still think the Chargers are the team to beat in the West. Kansas City hired new coordinators, and well...and they are my team. I will not put the Donks or Crazy Al's body shop Raiders, who aren't much better, ahead of my Chiefs. I really do think they will surprise some people this year. They may even beat the Chargers on Monday Night Football, but I would be insane if I said I thought they were going to win the division.

NFC East

1. Dallas Cowboys
2. New York Giants
3. Washington Redskins
4. Philadelphia Eagles

I don't really care...I hope they all rip each other apart. That said. Eli, do me a favor. Reclaim the East. The last thing I need is Cowboys fans winning number 6 before the 49ers, much less winning it in Dallas. Washington is a mess, and Philly has a new quarterback (They are still probably better than me Chiefs.

NFC South

1. Atlanta Falcons
2. New Orleans Saints
3. Carolina Panthers
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

I believe that Atlanta will be much better this year with Matt Ryan entering his 3rd season and his second with Tony Gonzalez. Now, y'all know, I was going to mention TG. Don't hate me Saints fans. I love the Saints just as much as anybody, but I don't see them repeating. Carolina will be better, and Tampa Bay will get to see what Josh Freeman has in him...but maybe next year for both.

NFC North

1. Green Bay Packers
2. Minnesota Vikings
3. Chicago Bears
4. Detroit Lions

I have a feeling that Aaron Rodgers and the Pack are going to run rough shot over the NFC North. I don't care that Lord Favre did decide to grace us with another year. Chicago...Nice knowing you, Lovie. Detroit...you've got Matt Stafford and Ndom..Ndam...*Google* Ndamukong Suh...

NFC West

1. San Francisco 49ers
2. Arizona Cardinals
3. Seattle Seahawks
4. St. Louis Rams

Mike Singletary finally found a way to win with them, and he will continue to do it now that Kurt Warner has left the Arizona Cardinals in the capable hands of...Derek Anderson. It worked well in Cleveland, right...oh, yeah. Matt Hasselbeck will get hurt, and Sam Bradford plays for St. Louis...

AFC Wildcards-New England Patriots, Tennessee Titans
NFC Wildcards-New Orleans Saints, New York Giants

AFC Champions-Baltimore Ravens...I said it...I mean it...It will probably be wrong...but I'm telling you. I feel like this is going to be the Ravens year.

NFC Champions-Green Bay Packers...After much soul searching, I chose Green Bay. I don't know why. I just did. (Saints are making me re-think this right about now.)

Super Bowl XLV Champions-Baltimore Ravens

Well, there they are DianaDishes Predictions Sure to go Wrong. Feel free to tell me that I'm a moron in the comment section. Just remember, you can't call me anything that I haven't been called all ready, probably by my mom...

Enjoy the season! I need to go check my five fantasy teams. Until next time, "There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a penciling."~Robert Brault

Fantasy Draft #5: The Runtelldat Homeboys

Twelve hours after Drafting Team Matching Mugshots, I was back in at the draft board from my home fantasy league-The Big Easy League. This league is made up of mostly my former students, who enjoy taking me to task every single season. I moved up to the seventh pick this season. They talked a lot of trash on Sunday. They seem to forget that even with my 6-7 record last year, I finished 3rd in the league last season. So, without further ado, let me introduce you to The Runtelldat Homeboys!

Introducing the starting line-up:

1st round-7th Pick: Ryan Mathews RB San Diego Chargers. Yeah, this is what happens when you have the 7th pick. I'm really HOPING that Ryan channels the 2006 LT. He is projected to pull in 180 fantasy points.

2nd round-18th Pick: Miles Austin WR Dallas Cowboys. Twice, I have now drafted this dude. I hope his fantasy numbers are better than his love life. Austin brought down 81 receptions for 1320 yards for 11 touchdowns. He scored 194 fantasy points and is projected to bring in 182 this year.

3rd round-31st Pick: Joe Flacco QB Baltimore Ravens. There is no question that I wanted Philip or Drew. Sigh, but Joe is not a...bad...choice. Flacco threw for 3613 yards for 21 touchdowns with 12 interceptions. He racked up 196 fantasy points last season and is projected to have 240 this year. Not, Rivers, but he will do.

4th round-42nd Pick: Jonathan Stewart RB Carolina Panthers. This is where my team gets a little iffy. Stewart rushed for 1133 yards for 1o touchdowns. He also had 18 receptions for 139 yards and another touchdown. Stewart had 178 fantasy points last year and is projected to have 184 this year.

5th round-55th Pick: Tony Gonzalez TE Atlanta Falcons. And you know this!!! Greatest Tight End Ever. All World Tight End. TG had 83 receptions for 867 yards and 6 touchdowns. He had 117 fantasy points in 2009 and is projected to bring in 139 this year. #1000 on Sunday!!!!

My blog...my choice of pics...

6th Round-66th Pick: Mike Sims-Walker WR Jacksonville Jaguars. Sims-Walker had 63 receptions for 869 yards and 7 touchdowns. He tallied 120 fantasy points last season and is projected to have 138 points this season.

7th Round-79th Pick: Minnesota Vikings DEF. The Vikings D had 48 sacks last season and 11 interceptions. They recovered 13 fumbles as well. They are ranked as the #6 defense in the league. The Vikings racked up 126 fantasy points last year and are expected to pull in 112 points this season.

8th Round-90th Pick: Donald Driver WR Green Bay Packers. Donald Driver is the "old guy" on the team. He had 70 receptions for 1061 yards and 6 touchdowns last season. He had 135 points last year. He is predicted to haul in about 129 points this season.

Here are my Bench players:
9th round-103rd pick: Ahmad Bradshaw RB New York Giants
10th round-114th pick: Owen Daniels TE Houston Texans
11th round-127th pick: Devin Aromashodu WR Chicago Bears
12th round-138th pick: Matt Stafford QB Detroit Lions
13th round-151st pick: San Diego Chargers D/ST
14th round-162nd pick: Kevin Smith RB Detroit Lions
15th round-175th pick: Dexter McCluster WR Kansas City Chiefs
16th round-186th pick: Ryan Succop K Kansas City Chiefs

The NFL Season begins in less than 24 hours!!! I'm looking forward to the season, boys, and to quote Jack Jenkins from Harlem Nights: "Don't take this a**-whipping personally."

Fantasy Draft #4: Matching Mugshots

What's up, everybody?! This has already been a busy week! I had my last two fantasy drafts this past Sunday. Both of these squads were drafted via ESPN.com's Fantasy Football. My drafts were exactly twelve hours apart. The league is the Atypical Sports Show League. This league includes among others my twitter buddies Rob and Ki from @atypicalsports, @ShirleyHuangEsq, @Rodimusprime, @BomaniJones, @Vthrilla, and @thetillshow. I hope I did not squander my forth pick. My team was originally named Arsinoe Laveau, but I was teased by persons who shall remain nameless. So, let me introduce you to Matching Mugshots!

Introducing the starting line-up:

1st round-4th Pick: Ray Rice RB Baltimore Ravens. Last season, Ray Rice rushed for 1339 yards for 7 touchdowns. He also caught 78 receptions for another 702 yards and 1 touchdown. He had 228 Fantasy points last season, and ESPN is projecting 252 points for this season. *Fingers crossed*

2nd round-17th Pick: Ryan Mathews RB San Diego Chargers. The hopes of a couple my teams are on the shoulders of this young man. Let's hope he can live up to the shoes he is filling. He is projected to pull in 180 fantasy points.

3rd round-24th Pick: Miles Austin WR Dallas Cowboys. I hate the Cowboys, and I've made no secret about that. This is the first time I've ever drafted a Dallas Cowboy. I hope I'm not going to regret it. Austin brought down 81 receptions for 1320 yards for 11 touchdowns. He scored 194 fantasy points and is projected to bring in 182 this year.

4th round-37th Pick: Philip Rivers QB San Diego Chargers. Rivers had 4,254 yards with 28 touchdowns to 9 interceptions. Philip had 258 fantasy points last year and is projected to have 259 this year.

5th round-44th Pick: Tony Gonzalez TE Atlanta Falcons. Shocker Right?! Greatest Tight End Ever. One catch away from 1000. All World Tight End. TG had 83 receptions for 867 yards and 6 touchdowns in his first year in Atlanta. He had 117 fantasy points in 2009 and is projected to bring in 139 this year.

What?! You've seen Tony in his uniform...

6th Round-57nd Pick: Pierre Garcon WR Indianapolis Colts. Last season, Garcon had 47 receptions for 765 yards and 4 touchdowns. He had 95 fantasy points in 2009 and is projected to gain in 124 this year.

7th Round-64th Pick: Minnesota Vikings DEF. The Vikings D had 48 sacks last season and 11 interceptions. They recovered 13 fumbles as well. They are ranked as the #6 defense in the league. The Vikings racked up 126 fantasy points last year and are expected to pull in 112 points this season.

8th Round-86th Pick: Devin Aromashodu WR Chicago Bears. I think Devin is going to maybe be a sleeper pick this year. He had 24 receptions for 298 yards and 4 touchdowns last season. He had 52 points last year. He is predicted to haul in about 103 points this season.

Here are my Bench players:
9th round-84th pick: Dustin Keller TE New York Jets
10th round-97th pick: Green Bay Packers D/ST
11th round-104th pick: Robert Meachem WR New Orleans Saints
12th round-117th pick: Steve Slaton RB Houston Texans
13th round-124th pick: Mark Sanchez QB New York Jets
14th round-137th pick: Ryan Succop K Kansas City Chiefs
15th round-144th pick: Dexter McCluster WR Kansas City Chiefs

Thanks to Rob and Ki for the invitation. You can check them out on their podcast the Atypical Sports Show. The NFL Season Kicks off in 24 Hours! Until next time, “The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer.”- John Madden