OMG, I’m SMH @ WTH is going on w/my FF teams. IMO it MNDS.

Wake up, everybody! Welcome Back, Ladies and Gents. It took me a couple days to recover from my turkey coma, but it was worth it. We are in the home stretch of the fantasy football season, but I feel like my team is caught up in a rundown between third and home. Depending on your league, you have two weeks to wrap up playoff spots or prepare for next year. I have a feeling two or more of my teams will be cleaning out their lockers. While the NFL Playoff season doesn’t begin until January, fantasy players only have one-two weeks to get their affairs in order. So what’s up in the NFL world? My Kansas City Chiefs, MY KANSAS CITY CHIEFS, beat the Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers in overtime. My mouth is still agape-a two game winning streak and the end of a 10 game losing streak at Arrowhead. “Little Hoodie” Josh McDaniel told the San Diego Chargers “We own you.” before the Chargers spanked the Broncos 32-3. Best line from the “controversy,” my boy Shawne Merriman’s reply to the press, “It was cute.” That’s okay, Joshie, you took out your revenge and your big boy language (dropped an MF during the nationally televised game) and spanked Eli and the Giants on Thanksgiving night. The Cowboys had only scored 14 total points in their last two games including one of the ugliest 7-6 wins over the Washington Redskins. The offense of the Cowboys found their way to in-zone as they dropped the Raiders on Thanksgiving day. JaMarcus “It ain’t my fault” Russell was benched for Bruce Gradkowski. Sigh, they won one surprising the AFC North leading Cincinnati Bengals, then they lost on Thanksgiving, which is appropriate after all the Raiders are a bunch of Turkeys. (I am working on my hate, but I’m a work in progress.) Vince Young has the Tennessee Titans on a winning track. Big Ben Roethlisberger went down with a concussion during the Chiefs game, and his back up Charlie Batch broke his wrist (lost probably for the rest of the regular season). Jay Cutler spent his Sunday night destroying my hopes to go to the playoffs as the Bears fell to the Eagles. The Patriots avenged their earlier loss as Rex Ryan whined about being disrespected as the Jets fell 31-14. Kurt Warner is dealing with a head/neck injury; the stinker game of the week Lions/Browns turned out to be a really good game with young Matthew Stafford gutting out a shoulder injury to throw a last minute touchdown to defeat the Browns. and Peyton, Drew and Favre all *gasp, shock, awe* won again. These three QB’s are fighting for MVP. Personally, I’m rooting for Brees.

This week my Chiefs take on the San Diego Chargers who are celebrating their 50^th Anniversary. Congrats to my Fantasy Players-LaDainian Tomlinson, Shawne Merriman, Kassim Osgood, Quentin Jammer, and Darren Sproles who made the 50^th Anniversary team. Philip Rivers, Antonio Gates, and Jamal Williams are among the current players who made the team. Now, the Chiefs are my team, and I love them, but I have gone on record about my unhealthy love for most things Shawne Merriman. Now, Merriman has 6 sacks in 7 games against the Chiefs. Sack, but don’t kill Matt Cassel, Shawne. Please don’t hurt him. We owe him too much money.

This past week my fantasy teams went 2-2. I…I…Here is the evidence of my tragic week.

The Merry Mad Men (7-4) v. Murder

My Merry Mad Men took on Murder of the Hell Raisers League. I “took the field” with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Ricky Williams, WR-Donald Driver, Mike Wallace, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.

My MadMen are back to their winning ways and hangin. LDT and the Chargers D showed the Broncos who owned whom pulling in 13 and 19 points respectively. The “old guys” Kurt Warner (18 points) and Tony Gonzalez (14 points) both had really good games as well. My receivers however were all in single digits. Even the kicker Nate Kaeding (14 points) had a better day than they did. It was Ricky Williams, however, who was my Player of the Week again running away with 30 points against the Carolina Panthers. The MadMen arrested Murder with a 122-107 victory.

Hecate’s HellHounds (4-7) v. Nostradamus

Well the HellHounds will be cleaning out their lockers this week. The Playoffs are history for this team. Playoff hopes are just about gone. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and Ricky Williams, WRs-Deverey Henderson, Mike Wallace, Donald Driver, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Olindo Mare, DST-San Diego Chargers. If there is such thing as player of the week for this team, it would be Ricky Williams with his 30 points. Nostradamus predicted that my Hellpups would lose 116-120. FYI: If I had started Nate Burleson, I would have won. Talk about Hindsight. BTW, I hate you Nate Burleson.

The Crazy 88’s (6-5) v. Greenfield Assassins

The 88’s are tied for last place in our division. SMH… I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Julius Jones and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Reggie Wayne, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. Donovan McNabb and the San Diego Chargers D/ST were my players of the week each fielding a 19 point performance. The Crazy 88’s, however, could not make it two in a row losing 85-91.

Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez (5-6) v. Team Bill Clinton

I don’t know how this team is tied for first in their division. I just don’t know. I’m happy, though. I lined-up with: QB-Jay “I hate myself for drafting you” Cutler, RB-LDT, and Mike Bell, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh, Mike Wallace, and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. My player of the week was Mike Bell with 19 points. Bill Clinton couldn’t explain why his team fell to Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez 98-86.

Well, that’s all I’ve got guys. Until next week, kids… I’d like to leave you with nugget of knowledge from “Sir” Charles Barkley, “Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train.” Have a good fantasy week, y’all…

It’s the Twilight of the Fantasy Season. Who do you chose: Team Peyton or Team Drew?

Welcome Back, Ladies and Gents. It’s crunch time in the fantasy world. While the NFL Playoff season doesn’t begin until January, fantasy players only have three weeks to get their affairs in order. So what’s up in the NFL world? Rex Ryan cried in front of his football team. The guru Bill Belichick is being crucified (I laugh only because I don’t like him) for his fourth and two play against Peyton Manning and the Colts, who *gasp* won again. Kyle Orton is hurt, Michael Turner is hurt, Troy Polomalu is hurt; so is Albert Haynesworth, Brian Westbrook, Cedric Benson, and Jerious Norwood. There are some Fantasy owners doing a Nancy Kerrigan “Why?” cry right about now. Include me in that list. Former Chief Larry Johnson became a Cincinnati Bengal. Dick Jauron was *gasp* fired (can’t say I was shocked or cared). Speaking of the Bills, Titans owner’s Bud Adams was fined $250,000 for repeatedly reminding the Bills fans that his last place Titans were Number One. The Ravens beat the Browns on a Monday Night Football game that only Ravens and Browns fans watched. I assumed they won. I didn’t watch the game; if I wanted to watch paint dry, I would actually, well paint. The Broncos lost Kyle Orton, then their dignity as they lost to the Washington Redskins. My Chiefs finally won game number two (then, Dwayne Bowe was suspended for 4 games for diuretics), but my game of the week was Dallas at Green Bay. Now, I don’t like either of these teams, and I was terribly upset that I was all but forced to watch it. It was so amusing watching America’s Team lose to a team that was beaten the week before by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I’m a hater…I admit… Oh, yeah, Peyton, Drew, and Favre won. I know, I, too, was shocked by that news.

Then, surprise, surprise. Ms. Alcoholic Beverage filed a lawsuit against Shawne Merriman, had a Britney meltdown and then accused him of practically every crime she and her brain (I assume) could imagine, including questioning black people for supporting him because he doesn’t date black girls. Excuse me, I don’t care who or what he dates for that matter and long as he performs on the field. It’s not like I’ll ever date him. We support him because your account sounds like a bad episode of some CW drama. Hey, Mr. Rock, come get your girl. She was due to crawl back under you about two years ago. I am so sick of these “women.” Seriously, I understand that there have been girls who have been assaulted by athletes. I am heartedly sympathetic to these girls. It is girls like her (and I refuse to use that sham of a name) who make it difficult for the real victims to come forward. I’m not completely taking Merriman off the hook, after all, he did take her home, but I truly hope he takes a play from Big Ben and countersues. Gentlemen, do us all stop put a C and an L before it. Remember, Class before…well you fill in the blank.

The week before my fantasy teams went 4-0. This past week: 1-3. To quote the quote master, Jim Mora, himself, "You just never know. You think you know, but you don't. And you never will." This has been an up and down year with more downs than ups. Here’s the whole mess…

The Merry Mad Men (6-4) v. bucs

My Merry Mad Men took on The Rebels of the Hell Raisers League. I came to play with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Ricky Williams, WR-Donald Driver, Mike Wallace, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.

Good news: my MadMen are still number one in the division. Bad news: 4 losses, Yikes! LDT finally showed some fire and turned in a 21 point performance. Congratulations to the Tomlinsons who are expecting their first baby. God Bless! Kurt Warner was once again my Player of the Week again pulling in 25 points by himself, but the MadMen went down swinging losing to the bucs 111-105.

Hecate’s HellHounds (4-6) v. Den Destroyers

The HellHounds are dropping faster than Lamar Odom’s IQ. Playoff hopes are just about gone. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and Ricky Williams, WRs-Deverey Henderson, Mike Wallace, Donald Driver, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Olindo Mare, DST-San Diego Chargers. Drew was my player of the week with 16 points. Drew, really? Help a sister out! My Hell pups survived the hurricane 92-52.

The Crazy 88’s (6-4) v. G Dogs

The 88’s are tied for last place in our division. SMH… I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Julius Jones and Fred Jackson, WRs-Donald Driver, Reggie Wayne, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. Donovan McNabb and the Eagles lost to the San Diego Chargers, but his 28 points made him my Player of the Week. The Crazy 88’s was my only winner of the week beating the G Dogs 97-43.

Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez (4-6) v. The Beast Unleashed

Whatever…I’ve practically had it with this team. I lined-up with: QB-Jay “I hate myself for drafting you” Cutler, RB-LDT, and Cedric Benson, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh, Mike Wallace, and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. My player of the week was LDT. The Beast Unleashed opened up a can of whoop a** on Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez 105-79. That’s all I’ve got to say about that.

Well, that’s all I’ve got guys. Until next week, kids… I end with Jim Mora’s most famous rant, "Playoffs?! Don't talk about playoffs! Are you kidding me? Playoffs? I'm just hoping we can win another game!" Have a good fantasy week, y’all…

Thanks for the Block, October...or Why a Semi-nude Tony Gonzalez will not get me a PETA Card...

Welcome Back, Ladies and Gents. If you are a follower of this blog, by now you know that I absolutely crazy about NFL football. One of the great things about the NFL is that while you do have your powerhouse teams, you never know what’s going to happen from week to week. For example, who would have thought that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (in their creamsicle uniforms no less) and young Josh Freeman would have thumped the Green Bay Packers [Congratulations, @ShirleyHuangEsq!]. The Cincinnati Bengals swept the Baltimore Ravens this year and could possibly sweep the Pittsburgh Steelers this week. The Saints are still undefeated and could possibly have the offensive (Drew Brees) and defensive (Darren Sharper) MVPs. Probably the one constant in the NFL is that Peyton Manning is still Peyton Manning, and the Colts are still undefeated.
Early this season, I revealed my picks for the NFL season. Now, that we are at mid-season, let’s see how my choices are fairing. *Cue the Flashback music* Do-do-do-do-do, Do-do-do-do-do (Diana Dishes, has a non-existent budget. We can’t actually afford music. We call this using our “I-ma-gi-na-tion,” okay…). Here were my “predictions:”
AFC East: 1-New England Patriots, 2-Miami Dolphins, 3-New York Jets, 4-Buffalo Bills AFC South: 1-Indianapolis Colts, 2-Jacksonville Jaguars, 3-Tennessee Titans, 4-Houston Texans AFC North: 1-Pittsburgh Steelers, 2-Baltimore Ravens, 3-Cincinnati Bengals, 4-Cleveland Browns AFC West: 1-San Diego Chargers, 2-Kansas City Chiefs, 3-Denver Broncos, 4-Oakland Raiders Wildcards: Baltimore, Jacksonville AFC Championship Game: San Diego v. New England AFC Champs-San Diego
NFC East: 1-New York Giants, 2-Philadelphia Eagles, 3-Dallas Cowboys, 4-Washington Redskins NFC South: 1-New Orleans Saints, 2-Atlanta Falcons, 3-Carolina Panthers , 4-Tampa Bay Buccaneers NFC North: 1-Minnesota Vikings, 2-Green Bay Packers, 3-Chicago Bears, 4-Detroit Lions NFC West: 1-Arizona Cardinals, 2-Seattle Seahawks, 3-San Francisco 49ers, 4-St. Louis Rams Wildcards: Philadelphia Eagles, Atlanta Falcons NFC Championship Game: New York v. Minnesota NFC Champs-New York Giants Super Bowl XLIV-New York Giants v. San Diego Chargers Super Bowl Champions-San Diego Chargers
In the AFC East, of course, Tom Brady and the Pats are number one, but I thought Miami would at least maintain. Wrong. Jets are at second with 4-4 record, while the Dolphins are 3-5. Why did I think the Dolphins had a better record? Only three games? I thought they had won more. Huh, I really need to stay on top of that. Oh well, at least, I was right about the Bills.
In the AFC South, of course, Peyton Manning and the Colts are number one and undefeated, but what is going on in the AFC South? The Texans, yes, those Texans, are number 2, while the Titans (who had the best record last year) are in last place with a 2-6 record. Huh? Wh-Wh-What? Jacksonville continues to fool everybody, because they can’t make up they want to win or lose with their 4-4 record.
The AFC North has had the biggest surprise. I swear, I did not see the Bengals at number 2, much less #1. Who would have thunk it? Currently, they are tied at number 1 with the Steelers. Baltimore is third with a 4-4 record, while the Cleveland Browns continue to flounder in the basement playing “Who’s our quarterback this week?” Mangenius, anyone else find that as funny as me? Oh, yeah, Romeo Crennel. I still stand by the Steelers.
The AFC West continues to struggle finding its identity in the league. I picked and continue to stand behind San Diego. While the Denver Broncos (shockingly) continue to hold the #1 spot in the West, I don’t see it lasting (I never drink the Kool-Aid when it comes to the Broncos). San Diego is starting to recover from those early injuries. Did y’all see Shawne Merriman taking it to Eli last week (sorry, @vthrilla and @sportychic56)? I think the Chargers will be back at the top before the year is out. The Chiefs and Raiders are, well, who we thought they were-pitiful. A moment of silence for my Chiefs…Thank you.
The NFC East is topsy-turvy as always. Cowboys are currently number one, while the Giants continue their skid to number 3. The Eagles are #2, but they are inconsistent at best (I mean, really, losing to the Raiders?). I don’t even want to talk about the Redskins.
So far, I am perfect in the NFC South. I thought the Saints would storm back, but undefeated, I didn’t see that, after all, it’s the Saints. Even with the addition of Tony “I’d rather be naked” Gonzalez, I believed that the Falcons would slip a little this year. I didn’t think Carolina and Tampa would slip so far down this year.
Surprisingly, I’m perfect in The NFC North, as well. The NFC North is once again ruled over by Lord Favre, the only difference, he’s wearing purple instead of green. He laid the smack down twice (laughing all the way) on Green Bay, who has become, well, confusing (SMH, losing to Tampa?). Lovie, what is going on in Chicago? Oh, yeah, Jay Cutler brought his little boy act to Chi-town. I only hope it doesn’t cost Lovie his job. Then, Detroit…yeh. Moving on.
The Arizona Cardinals are still in charge of the AFC West behind the duo of Larry Fitzgerald and Kurt “Father Time” Warner. San Fran is currently at #2, although they don’t really know what to do with they are doing at quarterback. Seattle, SMH, was it really all that long ago that they ruled this division. St. Louis, there are no words. (I think the people of Missouri should petition for a real NFL team or maybe combine the Chiefs and Rams to make one mediocre team).
My Wildcards, I don’t see Jacksonville to make it. Baltimore might not either. Denver and Cincy are going to be tough outs. I still stand by San Diego and New England in the Championship (watch Peyton prove me wrong). I’m still putting San Diego in the Super Bowl, until they prove otherwise.
My NFC Wildcards, well, I think it will be Philly and Atlanta. I can see New Orleans and Minnesota in the NFC Championship game. I don’t see New York, unfortunately, making the playoffs. I also see Favre breaking down before the end. Maybe New Orleans will finally see a Super Bowl…
I’m standing by the Chargers winning it all. Yeah, I said it. We will see when the final whistle blows in February.
Last week, My fantasy teams went 4-0!!! 4-0!! I don’t know how it happened. I don’t think it will happen again, but I am sure celebrating. Here’s how it all went down…

The Merry Mad Men (6-3) v. Eaglescrazy
My Merry Mad Men took on The Rebels of the Hell Raisers League. I came to play with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Ricky Williams, WR-Donald Driver, Mike Wallace, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.
My MadMen are still number one in the division (yes, with a Josh McDaniel’s fist pump). LDT and Ricky Williams didn’t light it up. Donald Driver and Mike Wallace picked them up. But, I didn’t see that Kurt Warner performance coming. Five touchdowns!?!?!? Clearly, Warner was my Player of the Week again pulling in 40 points by himself. My MadMen spanked Eaglescrazy 104-68 past The Rebels 92-87.

Hecate’s HellHounds (4-5) v. the hurricane
The HellHounds have moved into second place in our division. Playoff hopes are starting to disappear. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and LDT, WRs-Nate Burleson, Mike Wallace, Donald Driver, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Kris Brown, DST-San Diego Chargers. Drew, Drew, could you help a sister out? I need you to put up some big points down the stretch. Players of the week were Drew Brees and Ryan Grant each accounting for 15 points. My Hell pups survived the hurricane 92-52.

The Crazy 88’s (5-4) v. devil’s rejects.
The 88’s are tied for last place in our division. SMH… I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Julius Jones and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Reggie Wayne, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Diego Chargers. My Player of the Week was Julius Jones with 16 points. The Crazy 88’s exorcised the devil’s rejects 86-78.

Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez (4-5) v. Team Alkies
Ay, Dios Mio…I just don’t know about this team. I see-saw continues. I lined-up with: QB-Jay “I Hate you so much right now” Cutler, RB-LDT, and Cedric Benson, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh, Mike Wallace, and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Dan Carpenter, DST-San Diego Chargers. My players of the week were Cutler and Fitzgerald. Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez sent Team Alkies to rehab with a 113-96 victory.
Well, that’s all I’ve got guys. Until next week, kids… As Malcolm Forbes once said, “Victory is sweetest when you've known defeat.” Have a good fantasy week, y’all…

Welcome The NFL Midseason: The Reality Show Edition

Welcome back, boys and girls. This season of NFL football has been the best and worst reality show on television. Some of the great shows:
Drew and Darren Take New Orleans: Drew Brees and Darren Sharper take up residence in the Big Easy. They along with their coach Sean Payton dash their way to an undefeated record at the top of the NFC South. They have had amazing guest stars including current and former reality stars Reggie Bush and Tony Gonzalez. Drew the handsome quarterback and Darren the studly safety perplex players weekly on both sides of the ball, while the people of New Orleans devour it like a bowl of Jambalaya.
Play it with Peyton: Peyton Manning, the star of the show, has to cope with a life without his coach Tony Dungy and the turnover in the coaching ranks. No one thought Manning would have a chance with Jim Caldwell and no Bob Sanders (who is now out for the year). Yet, for the fourth time in five years, Peyton and Company have started the year undefeated.
Being Brett Favre: Yes, yes, Lord Favre returned to his Lambeau Field manor to overthrow the “evil” archduke Ted Thompson and his dark knights the Green Bay Packers. Joined by his ever vigilant companions, Sir Adrian and Sir Jared, Lord Favre dispatched with the upstart Sir Aaron of Rodgers and defeated the Packers of Green Bay for the second time this year, proving once again, who truly rules the manor at Lambeau Field.
Honorable Mention: Extreme Makeover: The Denver and Cleveland Editions
But for every “good” reality show (wow, that is an oxymoron), there are a thousand bad ones.
For the Love of God: Oakland Raiders Edition. This use to be one of the proudest (albeit, thuggish) teams in the league. First, the coach (allegedly) breaks the jaw of his assistant coach. Then, two of his former lovers accuse him of abuse. Al Davis is still, well, crazy. They tried to ban Rich Gannon from the facilities before a game. JaMarcus “It wasn’t me” Russell is still horrible. They can’t seem to get anything going out in Oakland. Yes, the area has the proper nickname, “The Black Hole.”
Real Chance of Unemployment, starring Terrell Owens, Roy E. Williams, and Larry Johnson. Roy Williams (who has taken TO’s role in Dallas in all the bad ways),Owens, Johnson are currently trying to sabotage their own careers. T.O. is flailing in Buffalo, while LJ is trying to ride his 2.7 ypc out of Kansas City, and Roy is whining about Miles “#2” Austin is getting all of the correctly thrown balls. Sigh…SMH…These guys flock to trouble like Amy Winehouse to a bottle of Jack Daniels.
The Biggest Loser: This year’s teams include the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (sorry @ShirleyHuangEsq) , St. Louis Rams, Cleveland Browns, Tennesse Titans, Kansas City Chiefs, and the Detroit Lions. The Lions, Rams, Brown, and Chiefs are returning participants while the Titans and Bucs are competing for the first time in a few years. All have lots of dead weight to drop before the start of next season, and they are hoping to win a shiny new draft pick to help pull them back into the winning ranks.
Honorable (LOL) Mention: The Surreal Life, starring the Washington Redskins (Sorry, @DragonflyJonez).
Congratulations to one of my favorites-Shawne Merriman. I told y’all last week that he was close. He was very close getting two sacks on JaMarcus “I performed fine” Russell. Congrats, Lights Out! Now, let’s get a few of those against the Eli and the G-Men this week (sorry, @Sportychic56).
The Merry Mad Men (5-3) v.The Rebels
I, my friends, am breaking out the Macarena, because you guys are not going to believe this, but I went 3-1 again this week in fantasy. I am utterly amazed by my teams performances, with the exception of Team Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez…that team can’t win for losing…
My Merry Mad Men took on The Rebels of the Hell Raisers League. I came to play with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Ricky Williams (had to bump Larry Johnson for the bye, didn’t know that it might be bye-bye), WR-Donald Driver, Mark Clayton, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.
My MadMen rebounded this week and managed to hang on to #1 in our division. LDT and the Chargers D/ST also made a comeback this week against the Raiders, each pulling in 17 points. I didn’t leave anyone on the bench this week. My Player of the Week is Mr. Reggie Wayne and his 20 point performance against the 49ers. My MadMen slipped past The Rebels 92-87.
Hecate’s HellHounds (3-5) v. the hogs
The HellHounds have moved in the Buffalo Bills neighborhood. I’m so ready to move up to the East Side. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and LDT, WRs-Nate Burleson, Devery Henderson, Donald Driver, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. Like with my MadMen, the Chargers and LDT are starting to pull their own weight. My player of the week, just edging out the Chargers and LDT, was Drew Brees with 20 points. My Hell pups stay on the winning track beating the hogs 87-64.
The Crazy 88’s (4-4) v. bigboimike26
The 88’s are like watching a tennis match, back and forth. I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Julius Jones and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Reggie Wayne, Tory Holt, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Diego Chargers. My Player of the Week was Donovan McNabb who is so freaking frustrating, up one week, down the next. This week, he brought home 26 points. The Crazy 88’s actually spanked bigboimike26 107-76. We’re back at .500, yo.
Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez (3-5) v. Hotty Toddy Harassers
Ay, Dios Mio…I just don’t know about this team. I continue having an up and down year. I lined-up with: QB-Jay Cutler, RB-LDT, Mike Bell, and Darren Sproles, WR-T. J. Houshmandzadeh and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. My player of the week was LDT who lead the team with 17 points (ESPN only gave the Chargers D/ST 8 points. This is why I don’t like the scoring system.). Jay Cutler against the Browns seemed like a better deal then Mark Sanchez against the Dolphins. It wasn’t. I Left 24 points on the bench with Sanchez. Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez lost to the Hotty Toddy Harassers 71-58. Smugness, officially over…
Well, that’s all I’ve got guys. Until next week, kids… As the great Arthur Ashe once said, “Every time you win, it diminishes the fear a little bit. You never really cancel the fear of losing; you keep challenging it.” Have a good fantasy week, y’all…

I Scream with The Grudge of every Chiefs fan who watches The Shining Broncos.

Welcome back, boys and girls. This past week has been Favrepalossa. Thank goodness the Packers and the Vikings play twice a year or we would never be able to see Brett Favre. I mean, I have hardly heard anything about Old man Favre this year. I wasn’t even aware he was still in the league…*rolling eyes.* Clearly, I don’t care. Larry Johnson insulted his coach, his team, the fans, and homosexuals everywhere (did I miss anybody) this week. So he was suspended for conduct detrimental to the team; that could practically apply to any Chiefs player who has taken the field impersonating an NFL player. Thank goodness they are off this week. At least, they can’t lose. People are still giving my boy Shawne Merriman a hard time because he still doesn’t have a sack. He almost had one against the Chiefs, and from what I saw he was moving much better, but folks, he is still not completely healthy. I’m just happy to have him on the field. I still hate the Cowboys, Raiders, and Broncos. Tom Cable is reportedly (according to ESPN) an abuser of women. We know he’s an abuser of men, and like his quarterback, an abuser of the occasional donut. All jokes aside (which is hard to do because the Raiders are a joke), the NFL needs to review these accusations. I don’t really see Crazy Al retaining him after this year, but then again, the only reliable thing about Crazy Al is that he is unreliable. Mark Sanchez tried not to mock the Raiders by eating a hot dog on the sideline. Thank you, Mark. Peyton was Peyton.
There is a lot of horror in the NFL this year. The Chiefs, Bucs, Lions, Rams, Browns, Raiders, and Redskins all suck. They are like watching Wrong Turn on Friday the 13th into A Nightmare on Elm Street. It should be illegal to be this bad. The NFL should take the Shield off their helmets. Two of these teams, the Rams and Lions, will be playing this week…And no one will care.
Last week, I went an impressive 3-1 in the fantasy game. Yes, I was just as shocked as you are. I still don’t know how, but I’m about to do a victory lap…
The Merry Mad Men (4-3) v. maniacs
My Merry Mad Men went up against maniacs of the Hell Raisers League. I took the “field” with the following team: QB-Kurt Warner, RBs-LaDainian Tomlinson and Larry Johnson, WR-Donald Driver, Santonio Holmes, Reggie Wayne, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Nate Keading, DST-San Diego Chargers.
My MadMen slipped again, but this time it was my fault. I left 74 points on the bench. That’s right 74 points on the bench. I started Larry Johnson (that Eric Kuselias) over Ricky Williams. Bad, idea. Started Tony Gonzalez over Vernon Davis. Davis and Williams had 54 points between the two of them. I…I have no words to describe how disappointed I am with my managing. My Players of the Week were on the bench, but of the one’s playing, The San Diego Chargers D/ST tried to stop the bleeding, but the MadMen lost to the Maniacs 99-103.
Hecate’s HellHounds (2-5) v. Kung Pow 2009
The HellHounds have upgraded to the Washington Redskins of their fantasy league. Not much of an upgrade, but it’s something. My starting lineup: QB-Drew Brees, RBs-Ryan Grant and Mike Bell, WRs-Mike Wallace, Santonio Holmes, Donald Driver, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. This team…sucked…so badly. I just don’t know… Lindell, Holmes and Grant all had 10 points. Gonzalez had 11. My player of the week was for the first time this season the San Diego Chargers D/ST with 26 points. My Hell pups finally pulled out a victory beating Kung Pow 2009 119-93.
The Crazy 88’s (3-4) v. Tbaggers
The 88’s are like watching a tennis match, back and forth. I started QB-Donovan McNabb, RBs-Larry Johnson and LDT, WRs-Donald Driver, Reggie Wayne, Mike Wallace, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rob Bironas, DST-San Diego Chargers. My Player of the Week was the Chargers D/St with their 26 points against my beloved Chiefs. The Crazy 88’s edged the Tbaggers 95-87. That’s all I’ve got to say about that.
Gonzalez menos un Gonzalez (3-4) v. Lee’s Lil Nazis
Lee’s Lil Nazis (SMH…He was influenced by Inglorious Basterds) is run by our league commissioner, another of my former students. My team underwent a name change last week since the other Gonzalez hasn’t been seen since week one (is he still on the roster?). Lee was playing with Drew Brees. I lined-up: QB-Jay Cutler, RB-LDT, Mike bell and Cedric Benson, WR-Mike Wallace and Larry Fitzgerald, TE-Tony Gonzalez, K-Rian Lindell, DST-San Diego Chargers. My player of the week was Cedric “I got some new tread” Benson with 24 points. Gonzalez minus un Gonzalez spanked the Lil Nazis 103-62. I’m trying not to be smug…Trying…
Dear Shawne Merriman,
As I said last week, I know that it is tough playing with the injuries you have had over the last few weeks, the groin and Achilles, but this week you play the Raiders. You have 6.5 sacks against the Raiders. You guys are home at the Q, and y’all are playing JaMarcus “It’s not my Fault” Russell. Please unleash that pent up anger upon the Raiders. Release the sack monster upon the Raider offense. I really, don’t care how. Cheat if you must…just don’t get caught (I won’t tell). I also would not mind if you “accidentally” bumped head coach Tom Cable (a la Charlie Weis *wink-wink*). Today, would be a good day to try and tie Derrick’s sack record, okay. Thanks.
Your fan and fantasy team owner, DianaDishes
Well, that’s all I’ve got guys. Until next week kids… As the Great Vince Lombardi said, “It's easy to have faith in yourself and have discipline when you're a winner, when you're number one. What you got to have is faith and discipline when you're not a winner.” Have a good fantasy week, y’all…