Picks from a Maniac Maenad-Week 1

Happy First Football Sunday of the Season! It's been a busy week in the NFL. In their first game in defense of their Super Bowl championship, the New Orleans Sainst open the season with a win against the against a petulant Brett Favre (congratulations on the Baptism of your grandchild Paw-Paw Brett.). Vernon Davis became the highest paid TE in the league. Tom Brady had a car accident. His car was totaled, but his hair came out perfect. Reggie Bush all but washed his hands of the Heisman Trophy, while Tony Dungy thought he should give it back.

Shawne Merriman has an achilles injury which may keep him out of the Monday Night Game against the Chiefs. Antonio "I forget how many kids I have" Cromartie declared that the Jets are "The Miami Heat of football," while Ray Lewis debuted his Old Spice Swagger commercial (just wow on that commercial), and told the Jets that their coach was writing a check that they were going to have to cash, to which Bart Scott added, "I heard that (Lewis) said something but I could care less what he said,” said Scott. “That’s what he does. Whatever. That’s just part of the show. I could care less.”

Commentators criticized the players for showin solidarity during the opening game. Prognosticators around the league started dropping their predictions for teams going to the Super Bowl. Did I miss any thing? Oh, yeah, Darnell Dockett tweeted that only ex-NFL players should be making predictions. Darnell, you shouldn't be tweeting half-naked pictures of yourself, and since you told me I shouldn't, I'm going to do it anyway.

I haven't made picks in two years, when I use to have a sad little blog on MySpace (My how times have changed). Sooooooo, here goes nothing...

Oakland at Tennessee. Vince Young is back at the reins as the Titans starting quarterback, while Jason Campbell is steering the hooptie known as the Oakland Raiders. I'm taking Tennessee.

Carolina at New York. The Christening of new Meadowlands stadium. Eli and his scar taking on the Steve Smith, his scar, and his quarterback Matt Moore. Taking Eli and the G-Men.

Indianapolis at Houston. Peyton and the boys are headed to the Lone Star state to take on Matt Shaub and the Texans. The Texans can't seem to win againts the Colts, even when they have a 17 point lead in the 4th quarter. I don't see that changing today, taking the Colts.

Denver at Jacksonville. The little hoodie and the Broncs head down to Jacksonville so a sell out crowd can pout that Tim Tebow is not on their sideline. Kyle Orton is still pondering why the coach is the only one that realizes that he is the starting quarterback. David Garrard is wondering where did it all go so wrong, and Maurice Jones-Drew keeps running and running and running. Although it sickens me to say it, Denver over Jacksonville.

Atlanta at Pittsburgh. Matt Ryan, Tony Gonzalez, and the Falcons make the trek up to Heinz field to take on the Ben Roethlisberger-less Steelers under the direction of Dennis Dixon. With his first catch, Tony Gonzalez will become the first Tight End to join the 1000 catch club. Troy Polamalu and his hair are back on the field today once again making that D very potent, but I'm taking the Falcons.

Miami at Buffalo. Boy, I'm glad I won't be watching this game. Dolphins win. That's all I got.

Detroit at Chicago. The Bears have got a lot to prove this year. They added Julius Peppers, and they still have that petulant crybaby Jay Culter, who for someone who hasn't won a dang thing thinks he's God's gift to football. Lovie...good luck. Today is the debut of Ndamukong Suh (please slam Cutler for me!), and Matt Stafford begins his sophomore year as the starting QB. Taking the Bears.

Cincinnati at New England. Ochocinco and TO take their bromance to Foxborough to take on Tom Brady, his new contract, Randy Moss, his petulant ego, and the New England Patriots. Even though Cincinnati has one of the best Defenses in the league, I'm still going with the Patriots.

Cleveland at Tampa Bay. See Dolphins/Bills. Tampa Bay.

San Francisco at Seattle. Mike Singletary has whipped the 49ers into a team that is beginning to resemble the glory days in San Francisco. The NFL West is ripe for the picking with Kurt Warner retiring to become the next dancer on DWTS. Seattle debuts their new head coach Pete "I didn't do it" Carroll and their old, fragile quarterback Matt Hasselbeck. 49ers...

Green Bay at Philadelphia. Aaron "Yes, I am that Quarterback" Rodgers and the Pack are headed to Philly to take on Kevin Kolb, DeSean "I should quit Twitter" Jackson, and the new-fangled Eagles. Aaron and the Pack.

Arizona at St. Louis. The Cards debut their new quarterback Derek Anderson against the Rams and their new quarterback Sam Bradford. *flipping a coin* Cardinals.

Dallas at Washington. Tony Romo and Cowboys are headed to the most hostile territory for a Cowboy-FedEx Field to take on Donovan McNabb, Mike "The Tan" Shanahan and the Redskins. Hoping Albert Haynesworth is going to put on his big boy pants and show rather than tell everybody how "good" he is. I trying not to throw up as I pick the Cowboys.

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

Baltimore at New York. The trash talking has been back and forth all week for this game. Rex and his boys get to play in their brand new stadium, and Ray Lewis intends to shut their mouths. I'm taking the Ravens.

San Diego Chargers at Kansas City Chiefs. My boys are debuting New Arrowhead on Monday Night Football for the first time since 2004. The Chargers are a bit in disarray, but they still have Philip Rivers tossing the ball. I'm dancing out on thin limb here and picking...The Kansas City Chiefs.

That's it. Until next week, "The truth is you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed."-Eminem

I don't know about you, but I'm ready for some football!!!!!!!!!!

DianaDishes Predictions Sure to Go Wrong...

Glory, Glory, Hallelujah!!! The long break is over!! It's time for some football!!! It's hard to believe that the NFL season ended 214 days ago with the New Orleans Saints lifting the Lombardi Trophy and celebrated with a party the size of which the Big Easy has never seen, and may never see again. Tonight, the Saints are going to take the field against Brett Favre and the Minnesota Vikings, the team they snuffed out in the AFC Championship game.

So, everyone is giving their two cents about who will win in which conference, and why they will be the team to be the first to hold up the Lombardi Trophy while standing on the Star in Cowboy Stadium. Well, that's not me. I'm not going to spend a lot of time telling you that I perused a lot of magazines to come up with my opinion (I did, but that's not how I came up with them). I could tell you that I've spent every waking moment watching NFL Live, Sportscenter, NFL Total Access, but I'd be lying, because I've spent most of my time watching Investigation Discovery, which gives me a weekly dose of my favorite news correspondent, Troy Roberts (Happy Birthday, Troy!). Yes, I could lie to you, but I'm going to be honest. I'm pulling this pretty much out of my...well, you get the picture.

AFC East

1. New York Jets
2. New England Patriots
3. Miami Dolphins
4. Buffalo Bills

I truly do believe that Rex Ryan's defense is going to eat up the AFC East. Although Tom Brady is playing for a new contract, he has to deal with a petulant Randy Moss, who wants a new contract. God only knows what's happening in Miami with Chad Henne behind center, and even though they managed to pull in Brandon Marshall. Buffalo...well, at least you had the 90's.

AFC South

1. Indianapolis Colts
2. Tennessee Titans
3. Houston Texans
4. Jacksonville Jaguars

Let's face it, this is Peyton's division to lose. Tennessee and Houston have both improved, but I doubt they will knock off Peyton. Watch they prove me wrong. David Garrard, you've always got that super-fly velvet jacket, and Maurice Jones-Drew, you've got video evidence that you knocked down Shawne Merriman. Thaaat's about it, Jacksonville. See ya, in LA unless the Chargers beat you there, too.

AFC North

1. Baltimore Ravens
2. Cincinnati Bengals
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
4. Cleveland Browns

Time is winding down for the scariest man in the NFL Ray Lewis, and I think these guys are going to try to bring home one more ring for Ray-Ray. Cincinnati tasted the good life last year, and it was sweet, but I don't see them repeating. I still don't understand why anybody in Cincy thought it was a good idea to start TO and his little Buddy OchoCinco on the same time. Pittsburgh may surprise us once Big Ben is let out of the naughty boys box (jerk). Sorry, Mike Tomlin, I hope y'all finish behind Cleveland. Cleveland...I got nothing.

AFC West

1. San Diego Chargers
2. Kansas City Chiefs
3. Denver Broncos
4. Oakland Raiders

Even with the injuries and hold-outs in San Diego, I still think the Chargers are the team to beat in the West. Kansas City hired new coordinators, and well...and they are my team. I will not put the Donks or Crazy Al's body shop Raiders, who aren't much better, ahead of my Chiefs. I really do think they will surprise some people this year. They may even beat the Chargers on Monday Night Football, but I would be insane if I said I thought they were going to win the division.

NFC East

1. Dallas Cowboys
2. New York Giants
3. Washington Redskins
4. Philadelphia Eagles

I don't really care...I hope they all rip each other apart. That said. Eli, do me a favor. Reclaim the East. The last thing I need is Cowboys fans winning number 6 before the 49ers, much less winning it in Dallas. Washington is a mess, and Philly has a new quarterback (They are still probably better than me Chiefs.

NFC South

1. Atlanta Falcons
2. New Orleans Saints
3. Carolina Panthers
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

I believe that Atlanta will be much better this year with Matt Ryan entering his 3rd season and his second with Tony Gonzalez. Now, y'all know, I was going to mention TG. Don't hate me Saints fans. I love the Saints just as much as anybody, but I don't see them repeating. Carolina will be better, and Tampa Bay will get to see what Josh Freeman has in him...but maybe next year for both.

NFC North

1. Green Bay Packers
2. Minnesota Vikings
3. Chicago Bears
4. Detroit Lions

I have a feeling that Aaron Rodgers and the Pack are going to run rough shot over the NFC North. I don't care that Lord Favre did decide to grace us with another year. Chicago...Nice knowing you, Lovie. Detroit...you've got Matt Stafford and Ndom..Ndam...*Google* Ndamukong Suh...

NFC West

1. San Francisco 49ers
2. Arizona Cardinals
3. Seattle Seahawks
4. St. Louis Rams

Mike Singletary finally found a way to win with them, and he will continue to do it now that Kurt Warner has left the Arizona Cardinals in the capable hands of...Derek Anderson. It worked well in Cleveland, right...oh, yeah. Matt Hasselbeck will get hurt, and Sam Bradford plays for St. Louis...

AFC Wildcards-New England Patriots, Tennessee Titans
NFC Wildcards-New Orleans Saints, New York Giants

AFC Champions-Baltimore Ravens...I said it...I mean it...It will probably be wrong...but I'm telling you. I feel like this is going to be the Ravens year.

NFC Champions-Green Bay Packers...After much soul searching, I chose Green Bay. I don't know why. I just did. (Saints are making me re-think this right about now.)

Super Bowl XLV Champions-Baltimore Ravens

Well, there they are DianaDishes Predictions Sure to go Wrong. Feel free to tell me that I'm a moron in the comment section. Just remember, you can't call me anything that I haven't been called all ready, probably by my mom...

Enjoy the season! I need to go check my five fantasy teams. Until next time, "There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a penciling."~Robert Brault

Fantasy Draft #5: The Runtelldat Homeboys

Twelve hours after Drafting Team Matching Mugshots, I was back in at the draft board from my home fantasy league-The Big Easy League. This league is made up of mostly my former students, who enjoy taking me to task every single season. I moved up to the seventh pick this season. They talked a lot of trash on Sunday. They seem to forget that even with my 6-7 record last year, I finished 3rd in the league last season. So, without further ado, let me introduce you to The Runtelldat Homeboys!

Introducing the starting line-up:

1st round-7th Pick: Ryan Mathews RB San Diego Chargers. Yeah, this is what happens when you have the 7th pick. I'm really HOPING that Ryan channels the 2006 LT. He is projected to pull in 180 fantasy points.

2nd round-18th Pick: Miles Austin WR Dallas Cowboys. Twice, I have now drafted this dude. I hope his fantasy numbers are better than his love life. Austin brought down 81 receptions for 1320 yards for 11 touchdowns. He scored 194 fantasy points and is projected to bring in 182 this year.

3rd round-31st Pick: Joe Flacco QB Baltimore Ravens. There is no question that I wanted Philip or Drew. Sigh, but Joe is not a...bad...choice. Flacco threw for 3613 yards for 21 touchdowns with 12 interceptions. He racked up 196 fantasy points last season and is projected to have 240 this year. Not, Rivers, but he will do.

4th round-42nd Pick: Jonathan Stewart RB Carolina Panthers. This is where my team gets a little iffy. Stewart rushed for 1133 yards for 1o touchdowns. He also had 18 receptions for 139 yards and another touchdown. Stewart had 178 fantasy points last year and is projected to have 184 this year.

5th round-55th Pick: Tony Gonzalez TE Atlanta Falcons. And you know this!!! Greatest Tight End Ever. All World Tight End. TG had 83 receptions for 867 yards and 6 touchdowns. He had 117 fantasy points in 2009 and is projected to bring in 139 this year. #1000 on Sunday!!!!

My blog...my choice of pics...

6th Round-66th Pick: Mike Sims-Walker WR Jacksonville Jaguars. Sims-Walker had 63 receptions for 869 yards and 7 touchdowns. He tallied 120 fantasy points last season and is projected to have 138 points this season.

7th Round-79th Pick: Minnesota Vikings DEF. The Vikings D had 48 sacks last season and 11 interceptions. They recovered 13 fumbles as well. They are ranked as the #6 defense in the league. The Vikings racked up 126 fantasy points last year and are expected to pull in 112 points this season.

8th Round-90th Pick: Donald Driver WR Green Bay Packers. Donald Driver is the "old guy" on the team. He had 70 receptions for 1061 yards and 6 touchdowns last season. He had 135 points last year. He is predicted to haul in about 129 points this season.

Here are my Bench players:
9th round-103rd pick: Ahmad Bradshaw RB New York Giants
10th round-114th pick: Owen Daniels TE Houston Texans
11th round-127th pick: Devin Aromashodu WR Chicago Bears
12th round-138th pick: Matt Stafford QB Detroit Lions
13th round-151st pick: San Diego Chargers D/ST
14th round-162nd pick: Kevin Smith RB Detroit Lions
15th round-175th pick: Dexter McCluster WR Kansas City Chiefs
16th round-186th pick: Ryan Succop K Kansas City Chiefs

The NFL Season begins in less than 24 hours!!! I'm looking forward to the season, boys, and to quote Jack Jenkins from Harlem Nights: "Don't take this a**-whipping personally."

Fantasy Draft #4: Matching Mugshots

What's up, everybody?! This has already been a busy week! I had my last two fantasy drafts this past Sunday. Both of these squads were drafted via ESPN.com's Fantasy Football. My drafts were exactly twelve hours apart. The league is the Atypical Sports Show League. This league includes among others my twitter buddies Rob and Ki from @atypicalsports, @ShirleyHuangEsq, @Rodimusprime, @BomaniJones, @Vthrilla, and @thetillshow. I hope I did not squander my forth pick. My team was originally named Arsinoe Laveau, but I was teased by persons who shall remain nameless. So, let me introduce you to Matching Mugshots!

Introducing the starting line-up:

1st round-4th Pick: Ray Rice RB Baltimore Ravens. Last season, Ray Rice rushed for 1339 yards for 7 touchdowns. He also caught 78 receptions for another 702 yards and 1 touchdown. He had 228 Fantasy points last season, and ESPN is projecting 252 points for this season. *Fingers crossed*

2nd round-17th Pick: Ryan Mathews RB San Diego Chargers. The hopes of a couple my teams are on the shoulders of this young man. Let's hope he can live up to the shoes he is filling. He is projected to pull in 180 fantasy points.

3rd round-24th Pick: Miles Austin WR Dallas Cowboys. I hate the Cowboys, and I've made no secret about that. This is the first time I've ever drafted a Dallas Cowboy. I hope I'm not going to regret it. Austin brought down 81 receptions for 1320 yards for 11 touchdowns. He scored 194 fantasy points and is projected to bring in 182 this year.

4th round-37th Pick: Philip Rivers QB San Diego Chargers. Rivers had 4,254 yards with 28 touchdowns to 9 interceptions. Philip had 258 fantasy points last year and is projected to have 259 this year.

5th round-44th Pick: Tony Gonzalez TE Atlanta Falcons. Shocker Right?! Greatest Tight End Ever. One catch away from 1000. All World Tight End. TG had 83 receptions for 867 yards and 6 touchdowns in his first year in Atlanta. He had 117 fantasy points in 2009 and is projected to bring in 139 this year.

What?! You've seen Tony in his uniform...

6th Round-57nd Pick: Pierre Garcon WR Indianapolis Colts. Last season, Garcon had 47 receptions for 765 yards and 4 touchdowns. He had 95 fantasy points in 2009 and is projected to gain in 124 this year.

7th Round-64th Pick: Minnesota Vikings DEF. The Vikings D had 48 sacks last season and 11 interceptions. They recovered 13 fumbles as well. They are ranked as the #6 defense in the league. The Vikings racked up 126 fantasy points last year and are expected to pull in 112 points this season.

8th Round-86th Pick: Devin Aromashodu WR Chicago Bears. I think Devin is going to maybe be a sleeper pick this year. He had 24 receptions for 298 yards and 4 touchdowns last season. He had 52 points last year. He is predicted to haul in about 103 points this season.

Here are my Bench players:
9th round-84th pick: Dustin Keller TE New York Jets
10th round-97th pick: Green Bay Packers D/ST
11th round-104th pick: Robert Meachem WR New Orleans Saints
12th round-117th pick: Steve Slaton RB Houston Texans
13th round-124th pick: Mark Sanchez QB New York Jets
14th round-137th pick: Ryan Succop K Kansas City Chiefs
15th round-144th pick: Dexter McCluster WR Kansas City Chiefs

Thanks to Rob and Ki for the invitation. You can check them out on their podcast the Atypical Sports Show. The NFL Season Kicks off in 24 Hours! Until next time, “The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer.”- John Madden

Fantasy Defense Report

Happy Labor day weekend, everybody! I hope everyone is enjoying what I am sure is a three day weekend for most people. This is the last of my fantasy reports. This week I'm looking at the fantasy Defense/Special Teams. You usually can begin to pick up a good D/ST around the 6th or 7th round of your draft. I would not pick one earlier than that. Here are the teams that I'm looking to be top performers this year. I don't rank them. These are the teams I'm hunting for when I'm planning my draft.

The New York Jets. The stars of Hard Knocks, Rex Ryan and his defense are the toast of the town these days. Last season, the Jets and Darelle Revis, who just signed this morning have wrecked havoc all over the AFC West. They led the league giving up only 236 points last season. They recovered 14 fumbles and had 17 interceptions, led by Revis and his 6 INTs, scoring 2 touchdowns. The defense also had 32 sacks led by Calvin Pace with 8 and David Harris with 5.5. According to ESPN.com, the Jets scored 161 fantasy points last season. They are projecting them to have a 133 points this season.

The Baltimore Ravens. This team, too, was once the star of Hard Knocks, and it is an appropriate title for a group lead by one of the most fearsome guys in the league, Mr. Ray Lewis. The Ravens gave up only 261 points last season. They had 32 sacks led by Jarrat Johnson with 6 and Trevor Price with 6.5. They had 10 fumble recovers and 22 INTS, Dawan Landry and Dominique Foxworth led the team with 4 INTS each, for 3 touchdowns. They scored 153 fantasy points in 2009 and are projected to score 119 this season.

The San Francisco 49ers. One of my old favorites, the 49ers have been on an upswing since Mike Singletary became head coach, and they drafted the gorgeous Patrick Willis. The Niners allowed 281 points last season. They were tied for second place in the league with 44 sacks, led by Manny Lawson with 6.5, Justin Smith and Ahmad Brooks with 6 each. They recovered 15 fumbles and snatched 18 picks led by Dashon Goldson with 4 INTS. They led the league with 167 fantasy points last season and are projected to score 117 points this season.

The Green Bay Packers. I personally have drafted the Pack this year, even though they are not one of my favorite teams. I recognize the skill. The Pack put the quarterback down last year with 37 sacks, led by Clay Matthews with 10 (I love me some Clay Matthews). The Pack recovered 11 fumbles and had 30 picks, 9 of which were Charles Woodson's, last season for 4 touchdowns (3 scored by Woodson). Last season, they scored 152 fantasy points and are projected to earn 112 this season.

The Minnesota Vikings. While I don't particularly care for what's going on on the offensive side of the ball, there is no denying that the Vikes are a defensive team to be reckoned with. The Vikes gave up 312 points last season. They led the league with 48 sacks, with Jared Allen taking the lead with 14.5 sacks. They also had 13 fumble recoveries and 11 interceptions, led by Cedric Griffin with 4 INTs. Last season, they scored 126 fantasy points and are projected to earn 112 this season.

Other Top Ten Fantasy D/STs: The Dallas Cowboys, The Philadelphia Eagles, The Pittsburgh Steelers, The Cincinnati Bengals, and The New Orleans Saints (get well soon, Darren Sharper).

Rookie on the Rise: Ndamukong Suh from Nebraska. All eyes are on the number 2 pick in Detroit, who has all ready picked up his first fine for practically body slamming a quarterback. In 2009, he had 12 sacks, 82 tackles (47 solo), and an interception. He had 212 career tackles and 23 sacks at Nebraska. Good luck with the Lions young man...

Well, that's it y'all! No, I will not be doin a post on kickers. Because they are kickers...just pick one. Last year's great, will be this year's goat. Good luck...