UnCommon: An Adventure in Catfishing

Normally, I'm a very busy girl. I am currently an English Instructor with a nine-course working schedule, in addition to, my club obligations. So, yeah, I'm busy. One thing, I do not do is date. I don't have the time, nor do I feel like having to do interview after interview with what is left in this small pond that I call a hometown.

I do spend far too much time on social media. Social media is perfect for an introvert such as myself. I don't actually have to talk to people, and I can keep up with all my favorite things whether it be former students, sports, television, music, or the movies. Although I use Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, Linkin, and others, Instagram is by far my favorite, mostly because it allows me to post to other sites without actually having to be on those sites.

One thing I do not like is the dudes who slip into your DMs. I don't know why Ayesha Curry was complaining about it, but I absolutely can't stand strangers slipping into my DMs. For those of you who are not internet savvy, DMs are direct messages. These are messages that are just between you and the other person. Now, don't get me wrong I don't mind DMing with people I know, but strangers...absolutely not. By that same token, I don't DM celebrities. Why you say? Well, I feel like that is a little like writing a fan letter, and I stopped doing that when I was 12. Earlier this year, I broke that rule, when what I thought was a Common fan page, entered my DMs. It was obvious from jump street that this guy was not Common, and honestly, I don't know why he thought he could fool anyone. Reluctantly, I broke my DMing celebrity rules and reported him to Common's verified account. Done and done. Right? Wrong.

Now, don't get me wrong. I would be totally flattered if the real Common slipped into my DMs, but I'm a pragmatist. While I could easily pass for Queen Latifah's slightly younger sister, I have no illusions that a celebrity is going to slip into my Instagram DMs to sweep me off my feet. NOT ONE. I'm a realist. That only happens to Instagram models, and I'm more of a Lane Bryant model, if that.

My Instagram account is private, because I don't want certain people following me, but recently, I've loosened up on who I've let follow me. Big Mistake!!! I wanted to make friends, but at least twice a week I was getting DMs from random guys. I should be flattered, right? Nope, see most of these guys are catfish. They think some women are so lonely that they will fall for any okie-doke. Yeah, I'm not one of those girls. It got to the point where I hated seeing the little DM letter light up. Until I opened this one. Word of advice, read my responses in a sarcastic voice. If you are blind like me, click on the pic and a larger version will appear. MAGIC!

Let me preface this by saying, I follow a lot of fan pages. Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, The Kansas City Chiefs, Tony Gonzalez, and Common. I follow to talk to other people who share the same weird fascinations that I do. I also follow fan pages to get info about upcoming events that I'm often to lazy to Google. Let someone else do the work I say. I started following Common1850, because I thought this was a fan page. Nope, it was not. This person introduced himself as Lonnie from Chicago. Okay. This is the second person who has tried to fool me into believing they were Common. So, I decided to fall down this rabbit hole to see how far into Wonderland this was going to go.

Ah, Google Hangouts. This is the place where apparently, "ladies and gentlemen" lurk who are cheating on their significant other. I've used Google Hangouts before when I thought I was getting an European penpal, who turned into a seriously clingy weirdo whom I ghosted quickly. I reinstalled the app, and opened the first door.

What the hell is a tourist phone? I still don't know, but as you can see we "face-timed" through the app. I wish you guys could have seen it. This guy apparently went to the real Common's page and played muted version of a video that I had first seen on Twitter. I was thinking to myself, "Is this dude for real?" He tells me I'm beautiful. Y'all, I was wearing a Kansas City Chiefs t-shirt with most of the letters fade. I had released the mass I call hair from the elastic band that was barely holding it. I looked like a black troll doll. Honestly, there was nothing beautiful about me. Yes, I asked him to DM me from the verified account.

Bruh, he thought I was actually impressed by that "live video call." Again, it was muted, and it was a video I had already seen. Apparently, he thought the team answer was a good enough answer for not DMing me from the verified account. So, I let him believe that I could possibly be a sucker.

This dude, was pulling out all the stops. Here is his "I love you picture" and his "driver's license." Seriously, this was the very first conversation. If this was the real Common, I would have thought he was hella desperate, which is not my type, FYI.

This is...other level trash. This is the fakest looking driver's license. It looks worse than my work ID. No, I'm not posting my work ID. It's upside down most of the time because I look like a psycho, but he clearly took a picture from a red carpet and photoshopped it into this license. FYI, I blacked out the address and all because it belongs to somebody, not Common, but somebody. Oh, and according to said license, Common dwells in San Diego. I cannot tell y'all how hard I laughed at those lip emojis, I mean, I love emojis as much as the next person, but YOU ARE A MAN, right? Don't do that. Then, he texted me at 2:14 am to tell me about his day. Let me tell you right now, I don't give a care about what you are doing at 2:14 am. Not one. Don't wake me up with your itinerary.  He was back that afternoon.

Why does he still think that I think that he is Common? If I thought he were the real Common, I would have gladly taken that demerit and answered that call in the middle of class. I'm seriously giving not much "love" to this dude. 

He is in love with me and wants me in his life officially. Is this dude for real? But I play along. Now, I will be honest, I make a few errors in my texting, because I suck at texting, but this dude has all kinds of word phrasing issues. This is supposed to be the guy who does the free-styling that I have seen on television?

This guy is telling me that he fell in love with me based upon my picture. This picture...

I was roaring with laughter. I mean, y'all, this is my Halloween costume, and sure I won first place in a very biased audience, but THIS IS THE PICTURE YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH? I question your judgment on the real. Dude, I'm judging you. 

Why are you asking me who is at home with me? Who does that? I thought Michelle was your homie. No response to my reading her biography? I just basically told this guy that I don't love you.

Read through you? Who says that? Ah, my Tony Gonzalez joke. This dude did not know who Tony Gonzalez was. He asked me if TONY GONZALEZ was my ex. Then, straight back to the I love you. To quote Rick James, "Cocaine is a hell of a drug."

I don't understand why I had to repeat the Bible question. I clearly did not stutter.

Now the relationship questions. Again, I'm somewhat of an open book, because it really is none of this dude's business.

I asked him about his name. He says he prefers Lonnie. Oh...really. Well if you watch this video at the 1:19 that is not what "you" told these kids.

I'm not saying, but I'm saying. Don't judge me for watching this video by the way. I'm a grown woman. 

No, I did not give him my "real" name either. You are going to be Lonnie, well, meet Diane. Yeah, I did look like a troll doll. I'm going to bed, and I don't care what I look like. I'm not taking one of those in bed pics. I don't need that popping up on the internet for my students to use for blackmail. I wasn't playing about my name though. I don't like that baby, dear, bae stuff, and you don't know me.

Now, he wants to meet me. I give him excuses. I don't know you! I'm not going to meet some rando dude after a couple of conversations. I watch far too much Investigation Discovery, Criminal Minds, and Law and Order: pick one. I'm not going to end up chopped up in a trash can by some dude who probably looks like one of those weirdo dudes from Criminal Minds. No, thanks.

He is definitely studying Common's itinerary, but I still don't believe him. I even compliment the real Common's mom. Again, no response. Yes, I really do admire Common's mom. I don't know who this guy's mom is. She's probably Sante Kimes.

Again with the visits. I brush him off again, because I do not want to be found in a suitcase in some back alley. But I tell him I'm traveling to Atlanta to see "him" this summer. 

Wow, just brushed that off, huh...Okay. I'm still not visiting you. If you are who you say you are, send for me, right? You don't even know where I live. Just Mississippi...

I actually did fall asleep on old boy. I have a real job. I was literally texting blind without my glasses. Did this dude tell me to contact his team? What the what? How will that happen? Shut the front door, dude...I don't know you! I guess I made him mad (LOL), because I had to initiate the conversation on Easter. Maybe he was busy, but he missed me so much...blech...

I really don't understand how girls fall for this. He is now trying to pressure me into a visitation. I am giving all kinds of excuses. Just not getting the point...

Because I won't come to him, he wants me to request to his team that he flies to me. Wait a minute...Your team works for you, and I'm not your secretary. Why am I making plans? And there it was, I am to pay for him to come to me, and then he would refund me. Really, dude?

"Under image right this procedure," what is this? This doesn't even make sense. You want me to send you money for a ticket? Seriously? Ahhhh, what is my bank? Now, we are at the reality of the situation.

I talk off the subject, and how he was giving up on love...blah, blah, blah, blah, dude you just asked me for my bank account. You are talking all kinds of noise.

Explaining for weeks? We have barely been talking for a week. Who have you been talking to? Oh, the other girls who possibly fell for your con.

I may be wrong, but I believe the actual name of the foundation is the CommonGround Foundation, but whatever...

Yeah, this is where I took my leave from this mess. From the beginning, I knew this guy was a fraud, and I really didn't have to go as far as I did with this, but I wanted people to see just how far some of these internet randos will go to convince you that they are the real person. They are fooling some people. Several Common fans and myself tried to convince this young girl that another one of these pages was not the real deal. She refused to believe us and called us haters who were jealous that he was following her and not us. Some people just want to believe. It only takes a quick Google search to see women falling for these con artists and giving away thousands of dollars to someone they don't know. Some have lost more than their money. Be careful on these internet streets, guys. BTW, I've blocked this guy, and you should, too, if you follow him. Don't fall for these internet Romeos who only love your money...

Until next time, "From my experience, honey, if he seems to good to be true--he probably is."-Candance Bushnell.